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Fallen out with MIL over manners

(566 Posts)
WoeIsMee Thu 21-May-15 15:32:06

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

Purplepoodle Thu 21-May-15 15:33:26

Let it slide. As long as they say pardon at home I wouldn't worry. Just tell them u want them to say pardon

OhNoNotMyBaby Thu 21-May-15 15:35:03

Read old thread on this here what or pardon

'What' is posher. 'Pardon' is considered non-u by those wot lead posh lives...

MrsGentlyBenevolent Thu 21-May-15 15:35:06

Are you serious?

WoeIsMee Thu 21-May-15 15:36:15

Why wouldn't I be serious?

HeffaLumpers Thu 21-May-15 15:36:48

She is right.

Topseyt Thu 21-May-15 15:37:59

Why is it even an issue? Depends on the tone of voice used, but I wouldn't be at all bothered

I often say either, and don't consider either to be rude or bad manners.

DidoTheDodo Thu 21-May-15 15:38:07

I've never said "pardon" in my life and I'm still alive.

Pick your battles. (Or pay a childminder, which is way all these threads go)

MrsKCastle Thu 21-May-15 15:38:26

Yes, YWBU! But she was also U to say 'what?' is correct. You should both be saying, 'Different people use different words. In this house we use x'.

DirectorOfBetter Thu 21-May-15 15:40:24

I would correct my DC if they said pardon but I'd stay well out of correcting it in any grandchildren if a DIL had taught them to say it and silently judge the fuck out of her grin JOKE

Nolim Thu 21-May-15 15:41:09

Yabu to feel undermined because of this.

Agree with castle, explain that not everybody says the same thing.

BertrandRussell Thu 21-May-15 15:42:40

She's actually right.

But there's no reason why they can't be "bilingual" and say "What?" or "I beg your pardon?" in grandma's house and just "pardon?" in yours.

My children are the other way round- we're a "what?" house and grandma's a "pardon?" house!

SunnyBaudelaire Thu 21-May-15 15:43:37

the thing is she is right, but should not be undermining you.
I could not stand to hear children saying 'p'dern? p'dern?' but each to their own.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 21-May-15 15:43:56

Yes, 'what' is right.

'Pardon' means sorry.

AtomicDog Thu 21-May-15 15:44:09

'what' is correct.

Topseyt Thu 21-May-15 15:45:22

Both are correct, surely. You will make a fruit loop of yourself if you phone to complain about any such daftness.

Pick your battles. This would be a silly one to pick.

HubertCumberdale Thu 21-May-15 15:45:51

I'm with your MIL here. 'Pardon' is a way of saying sorry, like 'pardon me' or 'I beg your pardon?'. Just saying 'pardon?' as a question is a bit... low brow?

Agree with upthread, explain that some homes have slightly different rules.

WoeIsMee Thu 21-May-15 15:46:13

I can't believe people are saying 'what' is correct! 'Pardon' is DEFINITELY right. I really think that I should tell her. She's embarrassing herself!

Summerisle1 Thu 21-May-15 15:46:57

Pardon is as wrong to 'what' as serviette is to 'napkin'.


dun1urkin Thu 21-May-15 15:47:51

What is DEFINITELY right grin

CatthiefKeith Thu 21-May-15 15:48:01

Wind up. I would LOVE to know who you are usually OP. Quiet day at the office? wink

BertrandRussell Thu 21-May-15 15:48:09

"at' is correct! 'Pardon' is DEFINITELY right. I really think that I should tell her. She's embarrassing herself!"

Truly, really don't!

helenahandbag Thu 21-May-15 15:48:15

I had no idea that "what" is more polite than "pardon" confused

I always say "pardon?" or "sorry?" if I didn't catch something the first time. I went to school with a lot of people grunting "what?" or worse, "eh?" so I don't like how it sounds, it's very abrupt.

Gruntfuttock Thu 21-May-15 15:48:49

Your MIL is correct, OP.

Rosieliveson Thu 21-May-15 15:49:29

Although 'what' is technically the correct term, general usage can come across as rude. 'Pardon' is widely accepted as the social nicety.
I would just tell the children that you'd like them to say pardon or excuse me. Depending in your relationship with MIL, mentioning it could be more trouble than it's worth but correcting them in front of her would get your message across.

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