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To make an official accusation of bullying?

(143 Posts)
Jonesing4Jones Thu 21-May-15 15:23:52

I'm in my final year of a degree program. I like to get really involved in lectures as it helps me learn so I sit by myself at the front and often answer questions and make comments etc, basically just generally engage with the lecturers. I have often heard low level sniggering but I ignore it.
This morning we had a group session and the tutorer said that we could either go home early or stay and discuss our topics and asked for a show of hands. I raised my hand to stay and assumed I wouldn't be the only one but I was. The lecturer then said that as someone had expressed a wish to carry on with the session they had to make everyone stay. I was mortified and said I'd changed my mind and people shouldn't be made to stay for me but they wouldn't go back on it. So a mutter of "for fucks sake" etc was echoing around the room and I felt awful. Anyway as the session progressed I answered questions and stayed involved like I normally do and at the end I told one of my experiences (the tutor had asked for one). What I hadn't realised is that she had said "if nobody has anymore to say we can pack up". I genuinely didn't get that bit and waffled on with my story sad Anyway afterwards I was walking behind a group of women and they were being incredibly nasty saying "she does my fucking head in" and "she obviously has had a shag in a while and wants to shag the lecturer" etc etc. When they realised I was there they all ran off laughing. I've since realised that a number of underhand 'sly' discussions on facebook referring to a person named "Lisa" is actually on about me.

We have 12 weeks to go. Do I say something or just stick the rest of it out? I'm in my 40s, the majority of these women/girls are in their early 20s.

DuncanQuagmire Thu 21-May-15 15:30:09

I would just carry on and ignore them.
To be honest students hate the older ones that sit at the front arguing with the lecturer. They just want to take notes and move on.
It is not 'bullying' it is a normal reaction to your behaviour.
We had one at uni who would hold up proceedings , known to us as 'Gobshite'.
Then when I was older I did a masters degree and realised that I had turned into 'gobshite'!
People in their 40s are quite different from those in their 20s tbh.
Just zip it and carry on!

Purplepoodle Thu 21-May-15 15:30:46

Stick it out. There was a huge gap in my course between mature students and younger students. Most of mature were like yourself, very keen to get on - saw it as a life choice/make the most if it. Younger students didn't take.it as seriously. There were a few clashes. They are a different point in life - ignore and just stick it out

GloGirl Thu 21-May-15 15:32:37

Oh please stick it out. The thought of 3 months feels like an eternity now but when you are 50 with your degree and a happy life and a smug face you will realise that three months was nothing at all in the bigger picture.

Fuck 'em flowers

MaiaThai Thu 21-May-15 15:35:56

We have a Lisa on our course and to be fair, it is really annoying when you just want to crack on with something and the Lisa waffles on and holds everyone up. No offense, they shouldn't be nasty to you. We're not horrible about our Lisa but she is annoying and we kind of wish she was in someone elses group smile There should be a group dedicated to Lisa's.

AuntyMag10 Thu 21-May-15 15:39:41

I'm sorry but I've had someone like you in various courses over my degree and they were bloody irritating. Why can't you stay back after the lecture and speak to the lecturer.

SoupDragon Thu 21-May-15 15:40:30

You can't have been paying much attention if you didn't realise the lecturer had said "if nobody has anymore to say we can pack up".

However, just ignore the others.

MaiaThai Thu 21-May-15 15:41:51

If you're like our Lisa you're probs so eager to get your story heard that you didn't realise it would be holding everyone up. Nothing wrong with that, just remember not everyone is as interested in your experiences as you are smile

Bair Thu 21-May-15 15:44:58

YABU. Just stick in and let it go.

Also, if the facebook conversations are 'bullying', you were fine with them when they were about 'Lisa' but not you?

NerrSnerr Thu 21-May-15 15:46:43

They shouldn't be rude and that is unacceptable. I do wonder if you are monopolising the lectures a bit? Do others want to talk or share their stories but you're getting in there first?

I also know that even now when I'm on training days and it's the end of the day or lunchtime and the teacher asks if there's any questions I am hoping everyone shuts up.

I would just get on with your degree, I wouldn't report them for this.

MaiaThai Thu 21-May-15 15:47:03

just realised, I hope you're not our Lisa! :D

Gottagetmoving Thu 21-May-15 15:47:39

People talk about people. Unless someone has said something nasty to you or is picking on you directly, than just ignore it and stick it out.
Don't stop being you though,..unless you were being deliberately annoying?!

CindyEcstacy Thu 21-May-15 15:49:56

You sound extremely irritating

PontyGirl Thu 21-May-15 15:51:27

stick it out OP. it's not bullying, it's just 20 year olds.

I do sympathise with you, but they aren't your friends and you won't know them in a few weeks time. in the meantime, either take a bit more of a backseat or just continue as you are.

DoreyBlue Thu 21-May-15 15:57:32

Just shut up then and let people crack on. Nobody wants to hear it. Nobody likes a Lisa.

DorisLessingsCat Thu 21-May-15 15:59:52

Their behaviour is awful and inexcusable but it does sound as if you need to be a bit more self aware.

Are you monopolising the lecturers' time and attention? Are you (inadvertently) preventing other people (perhaps more introverted than you) from taking part? Are you derailing the content of the lecture with your own interests?

Just shrug it off, in 12 weeks time you will have no reason to see them again.

4candles Thu 21-May-15 16:03:10

I am like you OP, I learn out loud, by answering questions and vocalising my thoughts.

YANBU to be feeling hurt and upset by these people. But, with 12 weeks left to go, I would be tempted to leave it.

However, for your own sanity, I would recommend you defriend these people. flowers

helenahandbag Thu 21-May-15 16:03:35

I go to college two evenings a week after work and there is Lisa on my course, it's constantly on the tip of my tongue to shout "just STFU and get on with it!" at her. She has a question or a comment for everything and it does my head in when we can't move on because she's challenging the tutor constantly.

I'm sorry that the girls were rude but I have sympathy for both sides.

DoreyBlue Thu 21-May-15 16:07:31

I remember being stuck in a lecture with a Lisa once and because of her irrelevant waffle we ended up going half an hour over and I got a parking ticket. I just don't see why people have to be so involved ffs, still makes me angry thinking about it.

LazyLouLou Thu 21-May-15 16:08:06

I was Lisa, too.

As one of about 4 mature student (all of whom were also Lisa) I was always comfortable being loud in responding to sniggers and comments, "I am here to get the best degree I can. What you do with your time is your own problem"

Oh the little loves hated me/us, until exam time rolled round. Then they became surprising polite grin

With 12 weeks to go, I'd just keep a well honed deaf ear. Enjoy your last weeks and good luck with the end result!

brusselsproutwarning Thu 21-May-15 16:10:37

No need to tell the op to shut up Doreyblue!
If I was you, jonesing4jones I'd ignore, concentrate on your course, let them snigger, they're kids.

DoreyBlue Thu 21-May-15 16:10:54

The thing is a lot of the time the Lisa actually stops the rest of the students learning. One example was a lecture we had where Lisa would just not shut up and waffled on and on about herself and "her experiences" etc that the lecture had to be cut short. The lecturer said that if we wanted the rest of the lecture info we could make an appointment to see her. Why the fuck should we! Lisa should make an appointment to go and bore the lecturer in her own time!

LazyLouLou Thu 21-May-15 16:22:30

It seems that there are different scales of Lisa'ing smile

JustAPawn Thu 21-May-15 16:22:36

Gawd I'm sorry but you sound a bit deluded and perhaps self absorbed. How can you lack so much awareness that first you're oblivious to the fact that you're the only one raising your hand and second, that the lecturer said "if nobody has anymore to say we can pack up", to the point that you keep talking. I thought you were sitting at the front to pay attention? The other students shouldn't be nasty to you but they weren't bullying you. I have also been a mature student by the way.

MurielWoods Thu 21-May-15 16:26:25

I was about to comment and say that I'm struggling to believe uni student could be so fucking immature ........ and then I read some of the rude replies to you and it's obvious that they can shock.

I have two DD's at Uni now so I know that you are all still 'young adults' but even so???

OP - carry on as you are. If the other students don't like it or if they genuinely feel that you are somehow disrupting the 'flow' of their lecture then they have the option to either take you aside and have a quiet chat with you or speak to the lecturer.

Sniggering and making lure comments about shagging lecturers etc is just really immature unless you have in which case good for you

I agree with earlier post, this is YOUR degree that YOU are paying for so you are entitled to get as much from it as you can. If other students have an issue with that then they have the option to deal with it in a mature and professional way.

The days of being able to while away the hours with professors after lecturers "Educating Rita' style have long gone so you need to grab what you can when you can.

Good luck with your exams - what are you studying?

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