Should I talk about this toddler group volunteer to his carer?

[RachelWatts]

I attend a weekly toddler group with 2 year old DS2.

The key holder of the toddler group is a learning-disabled young man, who opens up and sets the toys out, then stays throughout the session and packs away at the end.

I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up.

One of the 'rules' of the toddler group is that the slide and trampoline must be on a mat before the children use them, but because of the way they are stored, the mats are the last things out of the shed.

This morning, the trampoline was the first thing unpacked, so DS2 ran for it and tried to climb on.

In order to prevent DS2 getting on the trampoline, the volunteer grabbed the trampoline and pulled it away, which caused DS2, who was halfway onto it at the time, to be tipped off and he banged his head on the floor.

Not surprisingly, he cried, and the volunteer told him off for 'throwing himself on the floor'.

I picked up DS2, and while comforting him, told the volunteer that no, DS2 had fallen when he moved the trampoline, and hadn't thrown himself to the floor in a display of temper.

WIBU to talk to one of the care assistants at his home (who I know personally as we went to the same toddler group with our DC1s) about this incident?

I'm not sure this young man understands that in enforcing the 'no trampolining without a mat' rule, he caused the scenario which the rule is there to prevent, as a child fell off the trampoline and hurt himself (although not seriously)

[Feminine]

Yes, l'd say something.
The young man probably didn't think, but that doesn't help you.
Plus, he may do it again if he is unaware.

[Procrastinatingpeacock]

As it sounds like a one off incident I wouldn't, no. If it was something that was likely to happen again, or if it could have had very serious consequences then I perhaps would do. But only if I thought that it couldn't be addressed by just explaining it to the volunteer himself; I'm not clear how a discussion after the event with his carer would be better than a brief word with the volunteer at the time.

[0x530x610x750x630x79]

could you discuss better ways of placing the trampoline so children can't try to play on it?

[UnspecialSnowflake]

Yes, I would. Better a quite word from you now to make sure it doesn't happen again than risk a child getting hurt more seriously further down the line and the man in question losing his job.

[toomuchtooold]

It depends. Is he there when the session is on, or is it just a matter of setting out the toys at the start and then putting away at the end? If the second, I would hang fire and just make sure my DCs were under my control until he's done. It seems a shame to "get him into trouble" (I know it's not exactly like that) and maybe risk him being moved off the job when he was probably not supposed to be responsible for children in the room anyway.

[Honsandrevels]

Why didn't you speak to him at the time?

[SylvaniansAtEase]

Yes, absolutely!

Your DS could have been really hurt, through this man not having had such a situation explained to him as clearly as he requires. That could have had bad repercussions for him through no real fault of his own.

His carer needs to explain fully that the mats rule comes second to looking out for any child in contact with equipment and prioritising their safety, so - moving toddler gently not moving equipment. That you don't move the equipment when a child is on it. And - there's no situation in which he would have cause to shout at any child.

Not his fault, but highlights a gap in training.

[Alexandpea]

I think YABU. If the equipment is in the process of being set up, it's your responsibility to stop your DCS from climbing on it before it's ready.

You sound like you are trying to be kind by helping out, but it might be better to let him get on with his job and arrive once it's all ready.

[SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo]

I wouldn't. The time you were there wasn't toddler group time so i the incident is unlikely to recur, and you dealt with it there and then. Perhaps you should game been supervising your child more closely? Chalk it up to experience.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

If its a one off it sounds like a bit of an over reaction. It sounds like you explained where you think he went wrong to him after all.

[Honsandrevels]

Why would you speak to a carer instead of addressing the issue directly? Your attitude is very 'does he take sugar?'. Speak to him.

[RachelWatts]

I did speak to him at the time, but I'm not sure he understood or accepted my explanation.

He seems to have the abilities and behaviours of a teenage boy, so when I talked to him the response was a petulant eye-roll and some huffing.

He is there throughout the session, but doesn't tend to interact with the toddlers. He prefers cooing over the babies.

[TenerifeSea]

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but if you go early to help set up, it's partly your fault that your son ran for the trampoline as it clearly was in the process of being set up.

I'm not sure of the nature of this man's needs but you should remind him first before speaking to his carer/s.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

The issue has been dealt with.

[AuntyMag10]

You were there early and he was in the process of setting up. You seem to know the procedure so why didn't you stop your child from getting on the trampoline. I would let this one go as you are a bit responsible here too.

[Honsandrevels]

If the mats are out last then I'm not sure what he can do. Perhaps stop getting there early and let him set on his own.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

I may be overstepping the mark, but it does seem like you're seeing the disability more than the person

[strawberrytablecloth]

I think YABU as you know the situation regarding the mats being the last thing out so should have kept your DS off the trampoline. It sounds as if, had you waited until the session actually, started, it couldn't have been a problem. Yes, the helper's reaction may not have been the best but you were the one to put him in a situation whereby he had to react. The helper also wouldn't be the first person to react instinctively & actually cause more harm...my DD stumbled the other day so I grabbed her & yanked her arm in doing so. She probably would have been better off falling onto the soft mud as her arms were already going out to save herself.

[SaucyJack]

Now you just sound like you want to "win" the argument.

[Seriouslyffs]

He should be allowed to set up without children in the way.
You go there to help, and would be useful if you didn't have ds there. But as it is he's there and in the way.

[SimpleSi]

You've spoken to him about it. I've worked with adults with learning disabilities and whilst there is a chance he didn't understand there's also chance that he was quite taken about by the way you spoke to him & this caused his reaction. I imagine you were quite upset & may have been quite blunt. He may well understand, but be unsure how to react. If you regularly go early I would make a point of helping him set up the trampolines next week & chatting about why it is important. We all respond better to positive reinforcement than feeling someone is going behind our back.

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

You shouldn't have allowed your child onto the equipment while it was still being set up, should you?
It was your fault, not the helper's!

[MinimumPayment]

I agree, I think you have to take some responsibility for allowing DC near the trampoline before it was properly set up. I think the most likely outcome of your mentioning it is that the parents and tots will be kept outside until the toys are safely set up (That's what I'd do if I was in charge)

[Floggingmolly]

I don't think helping to set up, while your child has unsupervised access to not yet made safe equipment is particularly appropriate, tbh.
At any of the groups I went to, the kids weren't allowed in the hall until the set up was complete for this precise reason.

[Reddragon116]

Why wasn't YOUR child being properly supervised by YOU ? Perhaps I should have a word with your husband ?