To reply to a Fbk friend request from an ex bully like this?!

(27 Posts)
Figamol Wed 20-May-15 13:04:01

I left school 17 years ago but I can't forget some of the awful tormentors there, it leaves its mark. Obviously their memories are shorter and all ask to be Facebook friends. There was a particularly mean one who has just for the second time asked to be my Facebook friend. The first time I quietly deleted the request. But now I feel like being less gracious, and want to reply this.

Hi **,
You do know the last time you saw me you were violently lobbing books at me whilst I was in bed at *s house at her 18th, and when your back was turned I legged it to the phone to call my parents to come get me before you really hurt me?! And then I never heard from you again…..not sure why you'd add me now!?!
Your children are gorgeous, enjoy them xxx
Me

Is the above message pathetic and I should take the quiet higher road or do you think its reasonable? I would prob be opening myself up to an attack I guess, it just galls me she does not remember our 'friendship' in the same dark light!!!

butterflyballs Wed 20-May-15 13:06:40

Just ignore the request. Don't bother sending a message. People like that just aren't worth bothering with.

LeChien Wed 20-May-15 13:06:53

I would love to do this but in reality I'd block her.

MagelanicClouds Wed 20-May-15 13:10:38

I get where you are coming from, I knew some people like that at school. They didn't fb me, but one of my friends accepted their friend requests and I actually felt quite hurt!
The sensible thing would be just to block them, but you could reply something more along the lines of 'I am not accepting your request, we are not friends and never have been.'
Hmmm... Not sure that's actually any better.
I'd go with just block them.

Collaborate Wed 20-May-15 13:10:43

No harm in doing it, especially if it makes you feel better. I'd leave off the xxx though.

SirChenjin Wed 20-May-15 13:10:54

Do it. Leave out the exclamation/questions marks though - make it into a statement rather than a question. Then block her.

I'd love for Ms Martin from my year to send me a friend request. I'd have great delight in telling her exactly what I thought of her behaviour back then.

SirChenjin Wed 20-May-15 13:11:42

Oh yes - leave out the xxx and the bit about her children. She doesn't deserve any compliments or kindness from you.

Thisishowyoudisappear Wed 20-May-15 13:15:53

Ignore. You won't achieve anything by engaging.

MrsTedCrilly Wed 20-May-15 13:16:17

I would definitely not send that. It sounds like you're still dwelling on it and slightly unhinged. Don't give the satisfaction! Just block.. You will feel shit after sending it. Just quietly block or send clouds suggestion.. Calm and confident smile

OsloGin Wed 20-May-15 13:19:18

I would be tempted to write just 'hahahahaaa' and then block. But I am unhinged.

StretchyTheMonkey Wed 20-May-15 13:20:04

Definitely not. Personally I would completely ignore. But if for whatever reason I felt compelled to say something it would be a message saying "sorry, the name ring a bell but I just can't place you. Do I know you?" Just to subtly point out she is/was completely irrelevant to my life.

hibbledibble Wed 20-May-15 13:22:50

I would be inclined to ignore and delete.

Otherwise I would send a message along the lines of magelans.

run2 Wed 20-May-15 13:23:27

No don't send that. Why not simply ask 'why are you friend requesting me?', might be interesting to hear what she says. I think that some people see Facebook as an opportunity to assuage their guilt for things like this. She may be thinking that if you accept it, it must mean you forgive her, or it wasn't all that bad. People are allowed to regret their past behaviour but that doesn't mean everyone will so readily forgive it.

Figamol Wed 20-May-15 13:23:43

Ha actually I already deleted the request after I wrote this. There are definitely days when I dwell on the scars but Im defo not unhinged ;
Think I was just having a Walter Mitty moment, you know where you're trying to balance how you want to behave and I you should be behave!

Oobis Wed 20-May-15 13:25:57

There is a chance they feel guilty and want to move on? Or am I just too optimistic? There's no harm having your say if you feel it would achieve something. Probably best to give the opportunity for them to respond rather than block straight away. I hope your life is rich with friends, family and love without this person.

GloGirl Wed 20-May-15 13:26:53

Don't just delete, block.

DoJo Wed 20-May-15 13:26:55

Is there any chance she is getting in touch to apologise? It seems weird that she would be so keen to friend you, so perhaps she has seen the error of her ways and wants to make amends. Either way, you are in control now, so you can de-friend and block her at any time you like if she is still an utter twat.

littlejohnnydory Wed 20-May-15 13:27:03

I wouldn't. Maintain a dignified silence. I've had these requests, I just delete and block. I think it can only come across as a bit pathetic, wouldn't like them to think they are important to me in any way, or even figure on my radar.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely Wed 20-May-15 13:27:47

Agree, ask her why she is friend requesting you, if only to satisfy your own curiosity. Then, in response to whatever she says, reply 'ok'. And ignore her request.

Don't send a long message of grievances. She's probably still a bitch and either won't care, or will like the drama. Or she may be a reformed character and desperately want to apologise. I doubt it, though.

eatyouwithaspoon Wed 20-May-15 13:32:49

I had a friend request from someone who I thought was my sisters friend butwith married name, she started posting Britain First stuff so siad to my sister im going to defriend friend married surname it was then she told me that it wadnt the same person this had been a vile bully, I think I must have been friends with her years from when I used to accept requests willy nilly! If she every requests me again I will tell her why she was dropped. Funnily enough my sister is still fb friends with her? I hope thats not sending her signals what she did was ok.

MrsTedCrilly Wed 20-May-15 13:53:33

That's great, it will just annoy her now ;) Some people are so blind to the hurt they've caused.. or when they get older just put it down to 'growing up'. Bullies can be reformed but only if they acknowledge what they did and not send friend requests as if you used to be bezzies! The cheek.

DontKillMyVibe Wed 20-May-15 13:56:11

I'd just delete the request tbh and chose not to engage with someone like that.

SylvaniansAtEase Wed 20-May-15 13:59:09

Friend had similar to this, her reply was along the lines of 'Sorry I don't think you have the right person, I did know an XX but as she was an absolutely vile bully when I knew her I'm sure she wouldn't be friend requesting me now! Good luck in your search for your friend'

...which I thought was quite effective.

Completely ignoring is better, though.

Sorry you were bullied flowers

toomuchtooold Wed 20-May-15 14:02:55

Glad you deleted OP. Let's hope it's eating her up grin

Similar thing happened to me on FB. I took childish pleasure in noting that she now looks like shit grin

Frostycake Wed 20-May-15 14:12:03

Mmm... difficult.

I've had two of these. One on Friends Reunited who sent a breezy 'Hi, how are you?' message which I sent a stock reply to, omitting to remind her that she had twice broken friends with me at school and twice tried to turn my best friend against me. She was just curious I think as she never responded to my questions about her life.

The second on Facebook asked to be friends and continued her bullying, spiteful ways immediately! I blocked her.

In my experience, people don't change, they just hide their true selves better.

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