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AIBU?

AIBU cats & human to human friendships

33 replies

var123 · 19/05/2015 12:20

AIBU to think that just because your friend doesn't like cats (or dogs) and you have one, it should not effect your friendship as long as they don't go out of their way to show their dislike.

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Thurlow · 19/05/2015 12:24

I suppose if they really don't like cats or dogs then they might not want to spend much time at your place if the cat or dog will be there in the room with them. Though it depends exactly what you mean by 'doesn't like'. Or if the person in question has 82 cats and doesn't talk about anything else. But generally no, YANBU. It'd be a very weird thing to spoil a friendship over.

Lottapianos · 19/05/2015 12:25

OK, there's obviously a huge backstory to this post

I am really not an animal lover. I have a good friend who adores animals and has 3 cats and a dog. They are absolutely part of her family (she lives alone, apart from the animals) and have the run of the entire house. I don't get it at all and find it a bit grim if I'm honest. When I go to her house, I just accept it though. It's never caused a problem between us.

Friends can be into different things, and as long as no-one is downright rude about the other person's interest, I don't think you have to show great enthusiasm about everything the other person does or likes.

AmyElliotDunne · 19/05/2015 12:26

I have a friend who hates cats, she is always dismissive and rude about my cat when she is here and doesn't get why anyone likes them. I understand that she doesn't like that cats shit in her garden or kill birds etc, but my cat is friendly to her and goes up to rub himself on her leg and she hates it.

However, when dogs do that to me, I am a the same. I am a bit wary of dogs, never having been around them, I think they smell and hate the greasy feel on my hands after petting them. I wouldn't openly show my dislike, but my discomfort and eagerness to wash my hands after touching them might be a bit too obvious.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 19/05/2015 12:36

I have a lot of friends with dogs, I 1. don't like dogs, and 2. am very allergic. Like swollen lips and can't breathe allergic, they are all very good and cater to my needs if they invite me around and send the dogs to another room or put me in another room lol, but I don't stay long because I just can't breathe.

Haven't visited my brother in a couple of years though since they got a dog, can't even have Xmas day with my family because they all go to the dog house.

So some people will cater, some think "it's me or the pet" . If you just don't like the animal for no medical reason it shouldn't be a big issue for either of you.

I have guinea pigs and hamsters (as well as cats and fish) And a lot of people cringe at rodents being in my house, but they still visit :)

StrawberrytallCake · 19/05/2015 12:40

This is going to be a very unpopular point of view I'm sure but I don't tend to go to friend's houses if they put their pets above humans, I find it a bit weird.

It's odd because my I loved my dog growing up but since having children - meh - I can really do without them and cats I've always found repulsive, litter trays? bleurgh.

YABU, don't take it as a personal insult, you are not your cat.

FarFromAnyRoad · 19/05/2015 12:43

I hate cats but my dislike of them begins and ends with me not getting one. My brother is allergic to my dogs so I don't take them to his house and he doesn't visit mine.
It's all about being considerate really isn't it?

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 19/05/2015 12:45

StrawberrytallCake I actually agree with you, there is a friend I have like that who regularly posts things on facebook like "If my dog doesn't trust you I don't trust you" and "I am always suspicious of people who don't like dogs"

As If the like or dislike or their pet, or a certain type of animal is an assumption of character.

Dogs hate me, and I'm not too fond of them. Growl, bark, generally look at me with disdain lol, but last time I checked I was a pretty decent and trustworthy person :)

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 19/05/2015 12:48

And don't get me started on the ones that run up to you in a park, jumping, barking, growling, licking, and the owner says "don't worry he doesn't bite" "don't worry It won't hurt you"

That isn't going to stop me telling you to get it the fuck off me and put it on a lead. It's just bad mannered to defend a strangers dog clambering all over you and making no effort to get it away from you.

I'm actually terrified of them jumping on me, I don't care how friendly they are!

I have 2 house cats and I have a friend who is completely creeped out by cats, they are very friendly, and bother anyone, I know they won't hurt her but I still keep them away from her because I respect her.

Focusfocus · 19/05/2015 12:55

If I look at my life and spot the dog haters, I have generally found that there are not my friends.

Not a conscious uncoupling from dog dislikers.

Just that my social circle seems to evade and avoid those who have a terror/disgust of dogs.

Notso · 19/05/2015 13:03

I can't see any reason pets should come between a friendship unless the pet lover only ever talks about the pet or the pet hater only ever talks about hating the pet.

BIL and wife only ever talk about DN or how much they have paid for stuff, usually the stuff is for DN.
We might have pretended to be out when they visited once or twice

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 19/05/2015 13:05

Focusfocus

Not the case in my circle of friends, they all understand each other's taste and preference in animals and all other things. No dog elitists. They like them because they like them, and if no one else does so what?

Only got that one friend on facebook. But she has about 6 huge dogs, all in cages.

MaidOfStars · 19/05/2015 13:05

as long as they don't go out of their way to show their dislike

What do you mean by this?

I dislike cats, mostly because they make me itchy, swollen, wheezy and blotchy, but also because I just don't like them (am generally an animal lover, - I even like spiders - it's just cats).

Am I allowed to discuss my dislike of cat with a cat-owning friend? Am I allowed to shove cats off my lap when in a cat-owning friend's house? I think both of those are fine. I wouldn't kick my friends' cats or pull their tails - is that what you mean?

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 19/05/2015 13:07

Am I allowed to discuss my dislike of cat with a cat-owning friend? Am I allowed to shove cats off my lap when in a cat-owning friend's house? I think both of those are fine. I wouldn't kick my friends' cats or pull their tails - is that what you mean?

My cats wouldn't get near you in my house, I'm the same with dogs, so anyone who has a cat allergy I move them away before they get to them even though they are indoor cats so are always around. And I do a bit of lint rolling on the sofas and whatnot to help them a bit.

Not everyone else will bother though.

var123 · 19/05/2015 13:11

yes, huge backstory. I lost a friend and I did not know why. It turns out its because I do not like cats and she has cats.

It took her 10 years to realise because I did not go to her house much (we met in other places) and the cats were not usually there when I did visit.

i didn't kick her cats or anything. I just privately hoped they'd be out and ignored them if they were not and took an anti-histamine (allergy to cats). So, it took her years to find out that I don't like them. It wasn't a secret, i just never mentioned it.

Then she overheard me telling someone else of my aversion to cats and she broke the friendship over it!

OP posts:

Notso · 19/05/2015 13:14

How odd OP. Did you speak to her about it?

Lottapianos · 19/05/2015 13:17

That's very odd OP and quite sad. I'm not sure I could be doing with someone who was so rigid. Most people don't expect their friends to share all of their interests. How do you feel about it?

var123 · 19/05/2015 13:18

She asked me about it once soon after she overheard me. I said yes, that's right, I'm allergic to cats and I generally prefer dogs. She did not seem too pleased but it seemed to drop. Then a couple of months later, she dropped me.

I only found out a few days ago from a mutual friend what the problem was. I am so fed up with her for dropping me over something so pathetic, that I don't want to know anyway.

OP posts:

Notso · 19/05/2015 13:22

Was she really crazy about cats type person or just a person who has a cat so obviously likes them a bit?

var123 · 19/05/2015 13:29

She's the sort of person who buys Christmas presents for her cats and adds their names to the Christmas card. She seemed to prefer sending birthday cards with cats on them.

Basically, she liked them a lot but not as much as she liked her children. I just saw it as an interest that I did not share but I saw no need to rub her face in it. I can't believe that i never mentioned it previously but obviously i didn't, or if I did, it did not matter as much as it came to matter.

Or she was just looking for an excuse to end the friendship.

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CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 19/05/2015 13:48

She's the sort of person who buys Christmas presents for her cats and adds their names to the Christmas card. She seemed to prefer sending birthday cards with cats on them. LOL my OH does all this for a bit of fun, he doesnt care if people aren't cat people though :)

Notso · 19/05/2015 13:50

Very odd behaviour. Perhaps your right and she just wanted an excuse.

I married someone who has a passion for something I hate and we manage to get along!

Notso · 19/05/2015 13:51

I meant the cutting you off behaviour is odd not so much the buying cats presents etc before I offend someone btw

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GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 19/05/2015 13:53

You're better off without her. What a nutter. Are you upset?

limitedperiodonly · 19/05/2015 13:57

If you don't want to know, why are you asking?

My cat is attention-seeking and nosy. It's his way. He annoys me sometimes. He's doing it right now.

When people come round he makes a bee line for them. I do that annoying thing of saying: 'he won't hurt you' but that's because some of them behave as if he's a cross between Typhoid Mary and a sabre-toothed tiger.

I also tell them to push him away and I shut him away if he's being a particular pest. I understand because though I used to have dogs they didn't clamber on my lap or lick me. Generally he wants visitors to admire him and then he'll go away.

But it is his house.

I was really annoyed with a neighbour who called round unexpectedly to ask for my help with a problem and behaved like he was a cockroach, not a cat.

I'm afraid I felt disinclined to help her. And I'd always liked her before then.

var123 · 19/05/2015 14:11

I mean I do not want to know her, any more. I do want to know if people think its reasonable or not to end a friendship because you find out your friend does not like your cat.

Something happened today - I heard from her out of the blue - and it just got me thinking. I don't understand her thinking in breaking the friendship so I was just wondering if people are like that. I was asking myself if its just me who is out of step?

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