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AIBU to wonder what is up with dd's classmate?

(16 Posts)
Lemon666 Mon 18-May-15 18:35:15

DD is 12,5. She is in Yr 7 and there is this boy who is the same age. He was in her class all the way through her primary and although they were not friends, they obvious knew each other. In the beginning of Yr6, he started to shout of her across the street and waving at her to embarrass her.

This has continued but now he keeps asking her out when he comes across her at school. He waves and smiles but dd ignores him so he does get any reaction from her. When he is with his friends and he does this, his mates do not react so it does not seem like he is making fun off her. He waves at her when he is on his own and hides if he is with his parents and sees her. She thinks he is making fun of her and embarrassed by it.

I think he likes her and I think it is sweet. Obviously she is too young to date but I don't want dd to think she is being teased when I am convinced he is being genuine.

What would you make of it?

NurseRoscoe Mon 18-May-15 18:42:55

I agree with you.

I would just advise your daughter to smile and say hello back. No harm in that and if she WAS being teased then she would be making it worse for herself showing that it was making her feel awkward

Imachocolateportal Mon 18-May-15 18:47:18

I think he likes her to and is trying to form a friendship. maybe a little bit of a young crush.

I am not really sure from your post, but is there a reason your DD doesn't wish to be friends? The boy does seem persistent, or maybe is struggling with social understanding and is not picking up the signals your daughter does not want to be friends.

Lemon666 Mon 18-May-15 18:51:24

She has a friend who is a boy who comes around twice a week after school. She likes this boy who asks her out and blushes when we mention him but she thinks her friend will kick off if he finds out that she is interested in this boy. It is so complicated. No doubt it will get worse as she hits teen years.

Thank you for the replies smile

DoJo Mon 18-May-15 18:51:47

I think he likes her and I think it is sweet.

He may genuinely like her, but if she doesn't like the attention he is giving her, and he is aware of this, then there doesn't seem to be much sweet about it. If he is enjoying her discomfort then that is even worse and she shouldn't have to put up with it or be nice to him just to get him to leave her alone, especially if he is asking her out and not taking 'no' for an answer.

DoJo Mon 18-May-15 18:53:46

She likes this boy who asks her out and blushes when we mention him but she thinks her friend will kick off if he finds out that she is interested in this boy

What does she mean by 'kick off'? Is she really limiting a friendship with someone she actually likes because some persistent 'admirer' might not like it and might make her life even more difficult? That's a real shame.

Iflyaway Mon 18-May-15 18:58:37

Oh, it WILL get worse during teenage years! grin

Remind her to smile and (wave if she wants) be respectful to people, yet keep her boundaries.

Primary school friend could turn out to be a good friend 10 years down the road. You never know.

Lemon666 Mon 18-May-15 19:07:58

Her friendship with the boy who comes around is a toxic mess. I hope she never ends up with him as a boyfriend. I thought adults had complicated lives but children seem worse.

Idontseeanydragons Mon 18-May-15 19:15:20

Can't she develop some convenient homework or a reason to he just going out when this other boy comes round? It sounds like he's rather possessive of her.
The first lad sounds exactly like DS at the same age - a cross between a big lumbering puppy and wanting to act like he knows how to charm the ladies gringrin

maddening Mon 18-May-15 19:19:35

Which boy will kick off?

is it the friend that comes round that will kick off if she waves at the other boy ?

Lemon666 Mon 18-May-15 19:46:06

The boy that comes around will kick off. He does now if things don't go his way. He is an emotional wreck and dd loves to wind him up. It is a match made in hell.

DoJo Mon 18-May-15 20:34:16

It sounds like she is under a lot of pressure from both of these boys to behave in ways that will please them - maybe all you can do is tell her that there is a limit to how kind she needs to be to anyone who tries to influence her relationships with others or makes her feel uncomfortable and hope that she finds a way to keep everything balanced. Does she have any normal friends?!

Lemon666 Mon 18-May-15 20:50:57

Yeah she has loads of girlfriends and loves the attention off this boy at school. She comes in every night blushing telling us what the boy at school has said. The boy that comes to visit doesn't go to school.

bamboostalks Mon 18-May-15 21:07:27

Get her focused on her schoolwork and hobbies. She sounds too invested in this nonsense. You do as well.

Happybodybunny12 Mon 18-May-15 21:20:16

Well I am a pretty laid back parent but this sounds a bit ott op.

It's not nice for her to think a lad 'kicking off' is funny. It isn't and potentially bad for both of them.

I encourage my dds and my dss to treat others as they like to be treated. Be friendly with everyone nice and er concentrate on their school work.

And op my really strong advice is by all means be there for your dd but never ever get micro involved in her friendships or relationships as believe my by the time she's 15 you will be burnt out.

Lemon666 Mon 18-May-15 21:44:18

Great advice esp from Happy and Bamboo. I do get too tied up in DD's affairs sometimes. I need to back off and save myself lots of stress smile

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