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AIBU?

Help me out! Am I BU or is DP?

58 replies

breadstixandhommus · 18/05/2015 10:24

This is an argument we had yesterday but now I'm checking myself!

DP wants to save up for a van to help him with his hobbies (surfing and mountain biking) as our tiny car is making it difficult to get anywhere sensibly (think 9ft 6in surfboard on a smart car!). All good.

Yesterday he decides no, he doesn't want a van, he wants an estate car. I was ok with this (his car, his choice) until he tells me.....the surfboard wouldn't be going on the roof, it would be going IN the car with the front passenger seat down. MY fecking seat! 'Where will I sit?' I say, 'In the back of course!' he replies.

I became a bit rude at this point, told him he could fuck off if he thought I was being relegated to the back of the car on account of a surfboard. He got huffy, said 'fine I'm giving up surfing then' fucking child lol 'Oh well' I say, 'maybe you could take up rambling of something?'. This seemed to upset him and he wailed 'you are so U, all I want is for my surfboard to be safe'

So......am I BU to not want to be shoved in the back of the car? Or should I suck it up and get a longed for dog so it can sit in the front of my car whilst DP is made to sit in the back?

OP posts:

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MadgeMak · 18/05/2015 10:26

I don't see the problem. It's not like he suggested you sit on the roof.

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/05/2015 10:27

Get the dog.

BlueBananas · 18/05/2015 10:27

Wow you sound incredibly petty

breadstixandhommus · 18/05/2015 10:32

Thanks blue not so much petty but don't really see why the board needs to be in the car when there is a perfectly good roof above. Plus he has other options that mean I won't be cast aside

OP posts:

FriendlyLadybird · 18/05/2015 10:35

I agree with you and don't think you're being petty. I would definitely regard having to sit in the back of the car as a relegation -- it would make it impossible to talk properly to your DH during journeys for a start. Plus I get car-sick when sitting in the back.

The only thing that would make a difference is if you shared driving equally, which meant that he would be sitting in the back half the time too.

If he persists, then I'll come and take your place. Once I've thrown up all over him he may find that a surfboard fits quite nicely on the roof.

AutumnDragon · 18/05/2015 10:35

I agree with BoomBoom. I don't see it as petty at all. My DH is like this about his hobby. When we moved a couple of years ago, I was stressing about the logistics of moving us, pets, the household items and the equipment for my business, but EVERY conversation we had about it seemed to revert to how to keep his hobby equipment safe. His stuff was going to need a van hiring just for it (it would fit in one of our cars, removal men more than happy to protect it safely etc) but the two massive fish tanks including occupants were unimportant!

19lottie82 · 18/05/2015 10:36

Hi OP - maybe it is a bit petty, but I'd be a bit miffed too, if I'm honest!
Why can't he put the board on the roof?

DoJo · 18/05/2015 10:37

Surely putting it on the roof will increase fuel costs as it will make the car less aerodynamic? And (as someone who knows nothing about surfing) possibly get scratched or covered in bird poo? If he is buying the car to facilitate his hobbies, then surely that is the priority rather than which particular seat you sit in? Will you always be going with him?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/05/2015 10:40

How is your DP? He sounds about 12.

crymeariverwoo · 18/05/2015 10:40

You are annoyed at your dh for asking you to sit in the back seat? Gosh!

Chunkymonkey79 · 18/05/2015 10:41

It isn't like he suggested you sit on the roof or get in the boot! Yabu.

elderflowergin · 18/05/2015 10:42

YANBU there is no way I would be relegated to the back, it would make me feel sick, and it would feel that the surfboard was more important. My dh has hobbies but they fit around MY seat (fishing rods in the boot or down the side of my seat, and bikes on the rack on the back of the car).

grumpysquash · 18/05/2015 10:42

If he gets an estate there would be a choice of having the board inside or outside.
Also, if you drive, he gets to sit in the back.
I would be more worried about getting the inside of the car dirty/scratched than the seating arrangements TBH

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2015 10:43

I couldn't care less where I sat as long as I was inside the car

Do you have a car? Perhaps you could travel in that if you need to be in the front seat.

Also, has he considered buying a trailer instead?

humlebee7 · 18/05/2015 10:43

Yanbu I'd be miffed too.

minkGrundy · 18/05/2015 10:46

You can actually get a surf blard into a nissan micra (honest you can) and put it through the side of the seat without putting it down. Of course you cannot then get out.

As long as he is also happy to sit in the back I don't see the issue.

howabout · 18/05/2015 10:49

How much surfing does your DP do? Many moons ago I used to sit behind a keen amateur windsurfer. He had beautifully sculpted back muscles and his back view was infinitely preferable to sitting next to him!
Also if you don't surf why do you want to go on surfing outings with him?
If you get to have your own car to do your own thing then YABU.

Jackieharris · 18/05/2015 10:50

Why are you going with him when you don't surf?

Tell him you'll drive and he can sit and pet his board on the journey.

mrsfuzzy · 18/05/2015 10:51

sorry, i don't get why does an adult woman whine about where she sits in the car? having said that dh sounds a bit of a petulant child, nicely suited couple imo. could be worse he could make op stay at home !

HazleNutt · 18/05/2015 10:52

you can drive and he can sit in the back then

MajesticWhine · 18/05/2015 10:55

YANBU. I think this would make me sulky too. I would insist on driving and he gets relegated. The surf board should go on the roof.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/05/2015 11:04

Yep, I would suggest you tell him that in that case you will drive and he can sit in the back. Watch him backtrack, because I'm guessing he won't want to either.

To all those who say OP sitting in the back is nothing - do you travel in silence, not talking with your partner? I would find holding a conversation trickier if I were in the back. Plus I get carsick in the back seat ...

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ErinBlockerBitch · 18/05/2015 11:04

Get a van. He'll want another board in a minute.

But no. Board on the roof or trailer.

Theycallmemellowjello · 18/05/2015 11:04

I guess it depends how often you'd be in the car with the surfboard. If he usually drives on his own to surf but you might occasionally come along then I'd let it go. If the surfboard is a fixture of a lot of car journeys, then YANBU. Also this means that you could never have any other people in the car when the surfboard was there, which seems a bit impractical.

breadstixandhommus · 18/05/2015 11:10

Jackie it makes for a lovely day out for me and our 3 yr old ds (another reason I don't want to go in the back, being squashed between the board and the car seat will not be fun!)

dojo the board has a brand new travel bag to make sure no poop lands on it

howabout now we have moved to the surfing capital of the UK (county not town) he has said he will surf as much as possible, 3 times last week (once on Sunday, twice after work)

friendly you are welcome to puke on my DP anytime

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