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To feel upset and just forget it

(56 Posts)
BettyVonBooperson Sun 17-May-15 20:52:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

britishbakeoffblues Sun 17-May-15 20:56:16

I would point out that it's YOUR birthday so you get to do what YOU want!
Are your parents always this much of a PITA??!

britishbakeoffblues Sun 17-May-15 20:56:48

I love pub quizzes! I'll be in your team I'm quite good but not the sport ones gringrin

WorraLiberty Sun 17-May-15 20:58:50

Oh seriously, just tell them to fuck off.

I took my DH and the kids to our local Harvester on my 40th Birthday.

We had a nice time.

It's just the anniversary of the day you were born. I don't know why some people make such a precious drama about it all.

Just do what suits you thanks

MissMogwi Sun 17-May-15 20:59:07

I doubt I'll be the only one to say this, but fuck the lot of them and plan your birthday around what you want.

Do something YOU want to do with your children and your DP. Invite your parents and sister if you feel obliged but if they can't/won't come - tough for them.

Why on earth should you have to keep changing your plans and wishes to suit them? Of course you shouldn't. Enjoy your birthday!

WorraLiberty Sun 17-May-15 20:59:51

I'll join britishbakeoffblues, but I can only really answer music questions grin

BettyVonBooperson Sun 17-May-15 21:01:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper Sun 17-May-15 21:01:14

Wooo this is very complicated. Seems to be lots of things happening and not happening. Seems quite regimented to me but that's probably cos' I am finding it hard to follow.

Are you trying to make your family into a family they are not? I spent years trying to have us play happy families at family celebrations and then realised it was too stressy, I was too anxious about them that I wasn't enjoying myself/I was compromising on what I wanted. My mother is just not that person (and the others followed like shy sheep).

So cut out the crap. Do what you really want to do. Don't have any expectations of them or you could be disappointed. And do it. Invite friends who want to do stuff with you. Not people who don't. I know they are your family but if they are being difficult then rethink.

CMOTDibbler Sun 17-May-15 21:02:27

Go and do something you really want to do with your DP. Your family seem like very hard work, and I think you are trying to get them to behave as a nice family would, and its just not going to happen I'm afraid.

Theycallmemellowjello Sun 17-May-15 21:03:50

Poor you! I'm sure everyone will agree that YANBU and your family ABU, and I agree.

Although, having said this, my own family (ie parents and siblings) have never 'done' birthday celebrations not on the birthday (apart from parties when we were kids), and birthdays have always been celebrated quite modestly with a meal/cake in the evening. If I suggested something else my parents would probably think that I was mean not to want the celebration 'offered' on the evening, and for depriving everyone of the chance to celebrate in the usual way, and grabby for suggesting that the customary cake/home cooked dinner/happy birthday song was 'not enough.'

I don't agree with this attitude, but I do sort of understand it despite seeing that it is U, and for that reason I personally wouldn't invite my family for the birthday activities you describe - even though I think they are lovely activities and yan at all U for suggesting them. I wonder if there is something like this going on - a bit of resentment that you're wanting to change the way your family has 'always done it'.

Coincidenceschmoincidence Sun 17-May-15 21:03:59

I think you've got more issues here then just the birthday. Might be worth posting in the relationships board. You aren't unreasonable or selfish, they sound like a load of bullies.

If the family dynamic is as toxic as it sounds, I bet you're always finding yourself in the wrong with no understanding of how you got there. hmm

Fluffcake Sun 17-May-15 21:04:07

Can I join the team as well - I love a good quiz grin
It is your birthday, please do what you want to do. You can always go yo the pub for a meal for your DF's birthday. And I think it's weird that your sister and parents think you are being awkward. I would never dream of telling my sister what she should do for her birthday and vice versa.

MadAsgardian Sun 17-May-15 21:04:31

I'm in. I'm good at celebs and pop culture.

Seriously, sod the lot of them. To coin an MN phrase, they sound unhinged!

I hope you end up doing what you want for your birthday.

MagelanicClouds Sun 17-May-15 21:04:46

Got some work friends who could help you make up the team?

Just do something with your partner and leave your fussy family out of it. Its your birthday, your decision. Yanbu, Weatherspoons is grim.

DPotter Sun 17-May-15 21:04:56

Your birthday, your choice.
Frankly I'm surprised you would want to spend time with people who don't seem to have your wishes at heart.
Sounds like you have played 2nd fiddle for a long time - you could use the occasion to re-set how things play out. For example you could say to your family - this is what I want and have planned; if you can join me - great. if you can't / don't want to - great. Don't ask if people are available, if they like your choice of venue etc. They sound like they will object whatever you choose - so choose what you want to do.
Sorry - have had a glass or 2 so maybe no at my most diplomatic....
Anyway - I truly hope you have a birthday celebration you enjoy!
ps - I also love a pub quiz - also not good at sport

BettyVonBooperson Sun 17-May-15 21:05:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gabilan Sun 17-May-15 21:08:33

I know lots of random stuff, including where the highest public loos in Europe are. And I'll sit in a corner and behave if you give me enough beer and chips.

More seriously, your family sound like hard work. It's your birthday, do what you want.

lem73 Sun 17-May-15 21:11:42

Do what makes you happy and sod the rest of them!

BettyVonBooperson Sun 17-May-15 21:12:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justkeeponsmiling Sun 17-May-15 21:13:16

Tell them all to sod off! It's your birthday, YOU go and enjoy yourself and do whatever you fancy doing on whichever day suits you. They can join in or they can fuck off!
BTW - DH and I regularly go to our local pub quiz just the two of us. We suck - we are both rubbish at geography and sport questions. But we have a laugh and that's all that matters! Also, in our local pub there are quite a few of two-people teams, nobody thinks that's odd or not enough for a "team".

BillyBigchin Sun 17-May-15 21:16:19

God, people are arseholes aren't they?

I think you need to take a step back, tell them this is what you've arranged for YOUR birthday, they can be as involved as they want or not. But to stop trying to guilt you into doing something you don't want!

Hope you have a lovely day anyway, and if you're in the northwest I'll be on your team smile

BettyVonBooperson Sun 17-May-15 21:20:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TendonQueen Sun 17-May-15 21:28:00

Agree that they sound like bullies. Who moans at the birthday person for their choice of birthday celebration? Well, maybe if person has said they demand everyone accompanies them on a luxury trip to the Bahamas, but you can hardly say asking to go to the pub quiz is too excessive. They seem to take it for granted that even on your birthday you'll do what they like.

I'd recommend Anne Dickson's books on assertiveness, particularly A Woman in Your Own Right and Difficult Conversations. In the meantime, I would text them all saying that since it's been too difficult to get everyone together for your birthday plans, you're going to just go with your partner but you'll be happy to get together with them some other time. Then ignore their calls and texts for a bit while you do some reading about assertiveness, and possibly look up the Stately Homes thread in relationships.

CalleighDoodle Sun 17-May-15 21:28:19

They are being self
Absorbed nobs.

Celebrate with your partner how you want. Post on fb asking if anyone wants to join your team if you want.

TendonQueen Sun 17-May-15 21:29:30

I'm in the north west and I can do politics! Am off on holiday for half term week though, if it's then.

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