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To leave 8yr old alone for about an hour

(33 Posts)
thinkingmakesitso Sun 17-May-15 12:38:09

I am considering this because exh was supposed to be having them today (has his access here) but he got here, took them for a walk and came back from it early saying he had had a phone-call and was meant to be at a gig a few hours away. He then left. We don't talk that much, but it seems he is trying to rebuild his music 'career' since he left. Nothing like this has happened before (been split a year) and he sees them before and after school every day, but obviously it is not on to just dump them like this, even as a one off, imo.

Anyway, I have had a very stressful few weeks at work and this was going to be the first Sunday in ages where I didn't spend all my 'free-time' working. I was only going to catch up on house work, but now will have to do everything with 2 dc in tow. Ok, they are 8 and 6 but 8 year old has been hard work yesterday, screaming at various points of the day (his brother beating him at cricket, having to go to bed etc etc). He absolutely hates going shopping and I know will kick right off when I tell him he'll have to come. I know he'll ask to stay at home, wib to let him? He is very sensible, knows how to use the phone etc etc, has been left for up to 15 mins before, though not often. Aldi is a ten minute drive and takes less than an hour to get around.

I just can't face another screaming session, and have considered not going, but I have nothing in for packed lunches etc if I don't. God, 8 yr old has just come in screaming again as 6 yr old 'bowled him out'. FFs, I could fucking murder ex.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Sun 17-May-15 12:48:11

Oh OP, I hear how pissed off you are. You had your free time planned and it's been snatched away. I honestly hear you, but no, I really wouldn't leave an 8 year old. You're frustrated and cross, but it's not a good idea.

Bit of light bribery at the shop? Pack of stickers? Small toy?

A gentle YABU.

Fatmomma99 Sun 17-May-15 12:49:18

Poor you flowers

That's rotten.

You know your DC, but tbh, I think an hour is quite a long time for an 8 year old. Can you organise a quick playdate with anyone local?

All the best.

amybear2 Sun 17-May-15 12:50:28

A mature 8 yo maybe.From your description of him crying at the least thing, he sounds quite immature,I don't think you should.

prepperpig Sun 17-May-15 12:51:20

I have an eight year old and definitely wouldn't leave him. You say yours is very sensible but then at the same time talk about him screaming, ,kicking off etc. That doesn't really indicate that he is mature enough (not criticising btw mine is exactly the same)

formerbabe Sun 17-May-15 12:51:40

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old. Can you pop to a petrol station and buy a couple of ready made sandwiches for tomorrow?

WorraLiberty Sun 17-May-15 12:52:09

No I wouldn't.

As hard as it is, I wouldn't let an 8yr old dictate to me.

No-one likes shopping but everyone likes eating and he'll have to learn that.

See if you can use an ice cream bribe or something but if that doesn't work, he'll have to get on with it.

prepperpig Sun 17-May-15 12:52:23

I'd be more inclined to leave him in the car tbh if you really can't face having him in the shop with you.

ItIsntJustAPhase Sun 17-May-15 12:53:20

Don't do it. Hope the change of scene does you good. flowers

SavoyCabbage Sun 17-May-15 12:53:51

I don't think you should.

He doesn't sound very mature and secondly I think you might be setting a bit of a precedent which it might be hard to get away from later.

Bribery might be the way to go. Or a good talking to. "This is the last thing I want to do" and all that.

bloodyteenagers Sun 17-May-15 12:54:47

He doesnt ound like a mature or sensible 8 years old, sorry. I wouldn't leave him alone.

thinkingmakesitso Sun 17-May-15 13:00:51

Bugger, I knew it smile. He really is sensible in most ways, just a few select (but frequently occurring) things set him off. He is perfect at school and actually used by the teacher to calm down a boy they have who has frequent tantrums. (I had a thread on here about my concerns over this). He seems to use up all his calmness and patience at school, and I get the other side of him at home. I honestly think he would be fine, but my main worry would be me having an accident and him being left.

I'll take him with me. Can't believe I actually looked forward to today - it shows how shit your life is when you are disappointed that a couple of hours of uninterrupted housework is taken from you.

Fuck - just want to say again what an utter areshole ex is.

Lweji Sun 17-May-15 13:01:29

I wouldn't and I haven't my very sensible DS when he was 8 years old.

He will have to bear it, or he will not have food to eat during the week. If he is sensible he will understand it.

On a side note, don't answer the door to your ex if he does this again. Let him know that this is not acceptable as a rule.

Lweji Sun 17-May-15 13:02:12

Sorry, cross post.

formerbabe Sun 17-May-15 13:03:34

it shows how shit your life is when you are disappointed that a couple of hours of uninterrupted housework is taken from you.

Op...I know this feeling so so well!

Guyropes Sun 17-May-15 13:04:01

How will he entertain himself?
If with ds or similar, definitely not. I think k there is a slight risk of fits, and if he's alone he can't get help.

I agree its not a good idea to let an 8 year old dictate. Sorry your ex let you down. Might be a good idea to develop an arrangement with someone else to give you a bit of time out sometimes

TwiceAsNiceAsIceAndaSlice Sun 17-May-15 13:07:10

Could you just pick up the bits you need for packed lunches and do the rest another time?

SewingAndCakes Sun 17-May-15 13:10:12

I leave my 7 year old and 9 year old occasionally for around 20 minutes, but that's never been a last minute decision made out of desperation; its been built up to over time. I don't think you should leave him sorry.

VolumniaDedlock Sun 17-May-15 13:10:50

i have an 8 year old and have left her for 10 mins or so
i'd probably be ok with an hour IF i'd built up to it gradually over time, and she was happy with it too, but not otherwise.

maybe getting him a comic en route and then leaving him in the car with it might be a compromise? or a big fat bribe for not making a fuss? or could you leave him with a mate for an hour? If a mate called me and asked me to babysit for a hour because they desperately needed a bit of headspace I'd help out.

DeeWe Sun 17-May-15 13:28:48

Glad you've decided not to.
I would not leave my nearly 8yo alone yet.
I left dd1 for short times when she was 9 or 10yo. She was very sensible. I had someone down the road (on phone) who could have been with her very quickly. And I only left her when I was doing something I could be pretty sure how long I'd be, walking not driving and could turn back straight away if necessary. eg. Dropping off for Rainbows-not picking up at first because drop off is immediate (there's at least a few other parents who would stay with them if the leader wasn't there) but pick up, sometimes they over ran, or I needed to clear something with the leader.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 17-May-15 13:39:59

An hour is too long I think. I'd happily leave an 8 year old for 10-15 minutes if they are sensible but not an hour.

WorraLiberty Sun 17-May-15 13:44:03

Does he 'use up all his calmness and patience at school', or does he just get away with more at home?

I agree, your ex sounds like an arse.

ppeatfruit Sun 17-May-15 13:45:19

I would ask him what he wants for lunch and WALK with them to the local shops, give him the money and get him to buy the food and then make the sandwiches or whatever when you get back.

Exercise is good too and it may calm him.

silverglitterpisser Sun 17-May-15 15:58:07

Glad u r taking him with u OP n sorry ur little light at the end of the stress tunnel has been extinguished by a selfish ex flowers .

Nevergoingtolearn Sun 17-May-15 16:06:46

I know what you mean op. My exdh came over today so I could do the food shop, I hate taking the dc's with me, I do leave my 11 year old alone but not the 9 year old, I have left them in the car before though with their iPad and strict instructions not to talk to anyone.

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