To do a job that I'm over qualified for?

[Turquoisegreenshining]

Much more to it than the title so please don't assume it's a stealth boast.

In my area of expertise that I hold a professional qualification in, I come across ambitious, attractive and confident women who are good at their jobs but also have strong relationships, property, come from wealthy backgrounds, are successful in every area of their lives.

I unfortunately am not conventionally attractive. Outside of work my life is dysfunctional and chaotic. I always feel scruffy and messy as opposed to groomed and sleek.

In short, my working day (so obviously a significant amount of time) is spent disliking myself and comparing myself to these people.

So - wibu I resign? I have the opportunity to do a paid role in a capacity I have volunteered for in the past although it isn't as much money.

[esiotrot2015]

Can you tell us what job you're qualified to do & what job you are doing?

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Sounds like you need to sort out your self esteem not your career. I don't think that changing jobs would help tbh, you'd find something else to dislike about yourself. I think a few private therapy sessions might help.

[Starlightbright1]

You are work a long time. How would the drop in salary affect your life? If it is going to make you happier and financially you are ok.. why not?

[Turquoisegreenshining]

Esio, I'd rather not if you don't mind :) be a bit embarrassing should a colleague or friend read this!

Thanks mellow but I have already had therapy; I feel the same.

[Turquoisegreenshining]

Starlight - it's hard to say. Certainly it would be a significant drop in salary and other considerations such as my pension, maternity pay (isn't an issue at the moment but it would be nice one day!) and it it would be hard to get back into after a break - very possible:

[jay55]

Stop comparing yourself. Are you good at your job otherwise?

[Trills]

Can you outline the differences between the two jobs?

e.g.
current job
role you are good at
good money
fulfilling/interesting
colleagues make you feel inferior (but are not unpleasant to you)

potential new job
easy
less money
possibly boring
less attractiveambitious colleagues so you don't feel bad about yourself

I'm hoping there's more to it than that...

[ImperialBlether]

Wouldn't it be better to tackle what's going on at home first, OP? Can you tell us what's dysfunctional so that we can help you work things out?

[Turquoisegreenshining]

Thanks imperial that's really nice of you.

I feel I have few friends (I know, it's so easy to say 'make some' but I am honestly a nice, friendly person ... It's just opportunities are few and far between.)

As a result, I feel very isolated much of the time especially as I have no family or partner.

I'm also overweight (I am working on this - lost a stone so far) but it does impact on my self esteem.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

I think that doing something you beleive in and that motivates you is great. But it doesn't sound like you would enjoy the other job any better than the other one - just that you think being overqualified for it would make you feel great by comparison. I think it would be better to concentrate on things that give you pleasure or satisfaction - whether home life, hobbies, volunteering or work - but not do things just because you think they are less glamorous or demanding or whatever.

Honestly I really doubt a change in career for a reason like this would make you feel better. You would be comparing to yourself to people with 'better' jobs, feel like an underachiever. And if you really do have a chaotic home life then extra money is especially welcome (something about your post makes me think it's not actually as bad as you worst imaginings tho). I think it would be a mistake to throw away a career you worked hard for. You are in this job for a reason - clearly people have found that you're good at it.

I hate to spout the psycho babble but with low self esteem it really is a 'inside out' change that's needed, rather than outside in. I appreciate that it can be dispiriting to go out of your way to get treatment then find it doesn't wrk, but with mental health there are a lot of options so it is worth sticking with it to find something that works for you - a different therapist, cbt, perhaps even depending on your case medication? Also therapy can feel very pointless but still make a difference in the long run.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Congrats on losing a stone, that's a great achievement.

[ImperialBlether]

Congratulations on losing a stone. How much more do you want to lose?

Taking on a new job won't solve any problems, will it?

Do you have the money to go somewhere for a makeover? I know someone who worked as a Colour Me Beautiful consultant and she used to take people shopping for clothes. Sometimes it's easier if someone else is with you.

What are you hobbies and interests? How would you like to spend your free time?

Are you in a major city or a smaller town?

[EvaBeaver]

Turquoise - I promise I mean this in the very best way! Have you ever considered talking to a professional?

The thing is, you can change the material stuff - your job, your weight, your style. You can be as groomed & sleek as you like. But changing the outside stuff still won't make you happy. It can't even come from meeting someone or having a family - it has to come from YOU.

I learnt this the very hard way! And went for bereavement counselling. But it quickly became clear that my problems came from the fact that I really didn't like myself. At all.

I would never have treated anyone else the way I was treating myself.

Your career is your reward, for all of your hard work. Please don't throw it away without giving yourself a shot at liking yourself a little more

[ImperialBlether]

That is a great post, EvaBeaver.

[Turquoisegreenshining]

Thank you. Yes I have spoken to people - well to a counsellor :)

Try to imagine your work colleagues are all rich, all very attractive, all well spoken, well groomed, articulate.

Wouldn't you honestly find that hard?

[cherryblossomtime]

I am a scruffy person too, op, although happily not working with posh girls. The question is, is it a big advantage in the job to be that way? And could you still be accepted as the oddball who is great at her job? You dont have to be best friends with them, you can make friends outside of work, but you do have to get along well and be respected.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Sorry op, I remain convinced you need to make peace with yourself! It's not about other people.

[Ineedtimeoff]

In my 20s I was very friendly with a girl who was a model. She was known as the pretty one and I was known as the nice one. To her that translated as she was a bitch and I thought that everyone thought I was ugly. Some people did. It hurt.

It was a lesson for me that no one has everything and everyone has their achillies heal.

You really need to work on your self esteem and stop comparing yourself to others. There is nothing more attractive than confidence and someone who is aware of their own self worth. You need to start valuing yourself more!

[alwaysstaytoolong]

Honestly, it's about you and how you feel about yourself and not them.

And I'm not saying this is your motivation but IF you are considering doing something you're over- qualified for because you'll somehow feel better than the other people there then that's a really bad move.

[ImperialBlether]

How come they are all richer than you?

[EvaBeaver]

Thank you Imperial

Turquoise - yes, you're right. I left a well-paid job in politics (probably give myself away now!), because I just didn't feel worthy.

Like you, everyone around me was successful, glamorous, oozing confidence, immaculately turned out. And they made it seem so simple to be that way!

It made me feel like a big fat failure.

BUT...that is just the way they seem to you. And it means you distort the truth about yourself.

Would your colleagues describe you as inferior to them? "Messy", "chaotic", "scruffy", "overweight", "dysfunctional"?

Because that is how you are describing yourself.

Or would they talk about you as kind or generous or friendly or hard working or cheerful or loyal or pretty bloody good at your job?

Truly, it may well be that you are in the wrong field. You wouldn't be the first or the last. But it may also be that you are capable of finding happiness & a confidence within yourself. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now...

[Turquoisegreenshining]

I do value myself.

Try moving to a cramped flat in the middle of a load of big detached homes. Try working with supermodels. Try earning £20,000 a year when all your contemporaries earn £100,000.

You wouldn't feel a bit rubbish from time to time?

That's my life.

My motivation such as it is is to try and feel happier. About myself but also about my life. At the moment I don't.

[Turquoisegreenshining]

Unfortunately Eva they absolutely would describe me in terms that would perhaps not indicate their feelings in so many words but that would convey that in their eyes I was not "one of them."

That's hard.

[ImperialBlether]

It's just difficult to understand part of this because of your quite reasonable reluctance to say what you do. Do you not do the same job as these other people, then? If you're not on enough money now, it would be madness to move to a lower paid job.

What do you think can be done? Do you think if you had a makeover you would feel happier at work? What would make you feel you fitted in?

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Ok in practical terms if you're genuinely on £20,000 I wouldn't take a pay cut. I'd look for opportunities for career progression. Maybe you should look to move on to another position in your field - you might be able to find a more congenial workplace without taking a 'step back'.