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Stbxh moving abroad

(10 Posts)
Confusedfuzz Fri 15-May-15 15:57:29

Split up over a year ago. He hasn't had much input into the dc lives, a weekend once a month and an evening here and there. He doesn't pay csa.

He messaged me a few days ago saying he's been offered a job in America.

I am fuming! How can he walk away from 7 & 5 dc? He says he wants a chance to start a new life because "you have your new life with dp".

I'm raging. And can't stop crying. I feel like it's my fault fall leaving the marriage to be happy, that I have ruined my dc.


Triliteral Fri 15-May-15 16:26:05

He's an asshole and you haven't ruined anything for your DC. If he's as poor a father as his current actions suggest, then they will have a more stable life without him.

popalot Fri 15-May-15 16:27:32

Better off without. At least they can imagine he gives a shit, rather than know the truth.

Patchworkpatty Fri 15-May-15 16:34:48

well that depends, if you left your marriage 'to be happy' actually means you were having an affair and replaced your ex husband with your new DP , then he may have a point. If he walked out and left you and his children then he is being an arse .. but sounds very like the former action to me, -.and actions have consequences. I hope I am wrong because the losers are the dcs, the innocent party in it all.

Cabrinha Fri 15-May-15 17:19:03

I also read your wording as an affair.
But that still wouldn't excuse him not regularly seeing his kids.
As for moving abroad... It's not an absolute no for me.
Imagine if it was for 2 years, and career making. And kids eould Skype several times a week, and father would come back for a full week every 3 months. It's not what everyone would choose, but it's not necessarily wrong or damaging to the kids. Depending on how it is handled.

BestZebbie Fri 15-May-15 17:25:55

Why doesn't he have much time with the dc at the moment?
Does he feel that as he doesn't get to see them much anyway, one weekend a month doesn't outweigh the personal benefit he'd get from the job and move happening everyday, or even that as you took the kids away from him for 28/30 days it is a bit rich to be so outraged over him "not seeing them"?

Confusedfuzz Fri 15-May-15 21:34:52

I left my marriage because he was abusive daily. I finally found the strength to leave

Cabrinha Fri 15-May-15 21:53:55

Well done for getting out flowers

You know that he was a shit father then, whether you'd stayed married or not. Because good fathers do not abuse their children's mothers.

If he can walk away from his kids now, he'd have been distant from them within a marriage too.

It's not your fault, and they may genuinely be better off with him at a distance.

And even if him in the same home would have been better for them, there is only so much you can sacrifice personally. I doubt it would have been better though - I doubt it was modelling a loving relationship for them.

There is one person responsible got this, and it isn't you.

Confusedfuzz Fri 15-May-15 22:28:12

He has them this weekend, all he's done is texted me telling me how much he can't wait to move away and how much money he will be on, and that he wants to get away from me. No remorse for leaving the kids

LaurieFairyCake Fri 15-May-15 22:29:47

Then go to CMS

Amd rejoice he's out of their lives while paying for his 'mistakeM

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