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AIBU?

Favouritism at school and star worker

89 replies

JollyPostman · 15/05/2015 12:26

DS has been going to school for nearly a week now. He is 4. Recently he said rather sadly "I'll never be teacher's name's star worker." It turns out that other children (possibly the blonde, calm, well-behaved girls, who all seem to be reading already!) are singled out for a Star Worker certificate from the teacher for excellent work. Part of me feels like that's a great idea and shouldn't be abused and given to all the kids on a rotation basis, as that undermines the value of the cert. But the other part, the part with the son who has not been singled out, is upset for him. He is excellent at maths for his age, but never seems to get any recognition for it. He is a loveable but very fidgety child and I do wonder if that is why ... Anyway, should I mention to teacher, or leave it?

OP posts:

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DisappointedOne · 15/05/2015 12:28

He's been there a week. Calm down.

JollyPostman · 15/05/2015 12:28

Sorry, my mistake _ meant a year!

OP posts:

EmeraldThief · 15/05/2015 12:29

I work in schools and in my experience these awards, star of the week and that kind lf thing, are given to the kids who struggle or a naughty as a sort of positive reinforcement. The well behaved or brighter kids do tend to get overlooked.

dementedpixie · 15/05/2015 12:29

a week! calm down and give it time. You don't want to be 'that parent"

SaucyJack · 15/05/2015 12:29

Was the nearly a week a typo?

SilverBirch2015 · 15/05/2015 12:30

He's been at school a week! Do relax and explain to him that his time will come.

dementedpixie · 15/05/2015 12:30

x-post

yes you could mention it at a parents night.

Fuckup · 15/05/2015 12:31

Did you mean a week or a year?

Fuckup · 15/05/2015 12:31

ah sorry x post

dementedpixie · 15/05/2015 12:32

Where's his name on the class list? maybe the teacher is working her way through it

DisappointedOne · 15/05/2015 12:32

(BTW, my "brown haired, calm, well-behaved 4.5 year old daughter" who is reading bilingually (because she wants to) and finished the year's maths work by Feb half term has been at school since Sept and has only had the "star of the week" once.)

dementedpixie · 15/05/2015 12:33

Why would the teacher favour blonde girls anyway? ?

Floggingmolly · 15/05/2015 12:34

Yes, demented, that's how it usually works. All those Facebook boasts start looking mighty silly as the year goes on and people twig that everybody gets a turn...

ItsTricky · 15/05/2015 12:35

You will find this happens throughout his school career so better get used to it now! Build up his confidence at home, make him a certificate for trying his best at school or if he reads well to you at home.

JollyPostman · 15/05/2015 12:35

Surname higher up the list, so not that.

OP posts:

fortunately · 15/05/2015 12:36

If it's on a rotation his name might not have come up yet, although the teacher hasn't got long left before they will have exhausted every name.

I'd ask the teacher, can't do any harm if you're nice about it.

DementedSwan · 15/05/2015 12:36

I've noticed this too, it's always the same children in my ds reception class. Teacher is lovely and has been very supportive of ds when he had continence issues. I do feel for ds, but if other children work harder than my ds then rightly they are the ones rewarded. That's not to say he doesn't receive stickers and prizes for good work - he does. Just never been picked for star of the week, headmaster award etc.

SaucyJack · 15/05/2015 12:37

I dunno. TBH you've got my back up with the blonde girls comment.

If they're better behaved and harder working than your brown haired son, then that's because they're better behaved and harder working children. Nothing to do with hair colour or pant content.

TranmereRover · 15/05/2015 12:37

one of the mothers in my class has finally cracked on this - after four years of the same child winning the awards, being Mary in the nativity, getting the certificates and awards on prize day, being on her 6th badge when the whole of the rest of the class are on their third (HOW does one child amass twice as many stickers as the rest? can it be for any reason other than the teacher is always asking the same child to answer questions?), she's going to say something as her own child (who is almost a whole year younger than star pupil) has become seriously demoralised and thinks its pointless trying as Ms Star will always be asked / get the reward / the main part in the assembly etc.
Having seen it over years with the same individual, I think this mother's intervention at this stage isn't unreasonable & I'm interested to hear what the school have to say - equally there will always be some kids who just outshine the others at sports, music, academia, behaviour, neatness of hair (& it's annoying she happens to be in our class!)
it's the way you handle the query / issue that counts - keep calm or you'll mark yourself out as "one of them"

MythicalKings · 15/05/2015 12:39

Maybe a star worker goes to a DC who gets on with work without messing about. If he's fidgety then maybe that's why.

I used to have a variety of awards when I taught infants, so tried to make sure everyone got something.

DisappointedOne · 15/05/2015 12:42

That's the OP's prejudices coming to the fore, demented.

ItsTricky · 15/05/2015 12:44

Tranmererover that happened with my child too. She was on her 20 smiley award at the same time other children received their 100 smiley award (coincidently Mary, Joseph and Angel Gabriel were among them). It pissed me off but dd didn't seemed bothered so I didn't push it.

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chippednailvarnish · 15/05/2015 12:45

Maybe the teacher doesn't like your blond prejudice and is just doing it to piss you off.

Miggsie · 15/05/2015 12:46

What a terrible system, DD's old school used to give out stickers for particular pieces of work, never a "star of the week" - a system which either ends up divisive (same kids get it constantly) or worthless (everyone has a go so means nothing).

I liked the sticker thing because everyone got recognised for something at some time or another.

Unfortunately these awards seem to be nothing more than a measure of how well a particular child can conform to the expected behavioural norms of their class teacher, and has no bearing on their actual abilities.

SilverBirch2015 · 15/05/2015 12:50

Opposite problem at my DS's primary school in later years. The less well-behaved children were given tangible rewards when the did behave. Although I could understand why the school did it, made me a bit sad for him because he felt it was terribly unjust. I just advised him real life would be very different.

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