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DH organised a surprise night out

(152 Posts)
hoolaloola Thu 14-May-15 22:33:27

First world problem with of back story for context:
For Christmas last year dh gave me a printed voucher for some lessons for a new hobby. He hadn't booked or paid for the lessons but had phoned and enquired. He decided he wouldn't organise the time etc as he thought I would be better doing it. The thing is unless the time is specifically made for me I do not have time to do this. Obviously this has never happened so I have not taken the lessons up.

For Mother's Day he gave me a voucher for a spa. He had organised this with my BF's husband so that we both had the same voucher. Again they hadn't actually organised anything as they thought we would want to decide the dates and treatments etc. However my BF and I have no real interest in a whole day at a spa. It also didn't seem much of a treat to have to organise everything ourselves so we have never done it.

Anyway....Tonight he texts me asking if we have anything on a certain evening next week. I have a hair appointment booked for that night and tell him so. To which he replies that I will have to cancel as he has booked something for us. I don't get my hair done that often and it is always tricky to find the time. It is therefore desperately in need of being done and if I cancelled I would have to wait another three weeks for the next appointment. He won't tell me what he has booked which makes me reluctant to cancel my appointment i.e if he has booked a table at the local curry house I know it is something we can easily do another time whereas if he has booked a show then that is not something so easy to change. He is in a right huff with me and says he can't do anything right or please me.

I can understand that I probably seem ungrateful but am also annoyed that I have to make a choice. Why bother asking me if we had plans if he had already made them. If he had organised this 3 weeks ago I could have changed my appointment in plenty of time. Now however I either get to go out feeling like crap with 2 inches of black roots or I ask him to change the date and deal with him being arsey with me.

Who is being unreasonable?

juneybean Thu 14-May-15 22:35:49

You. You sound like a right grumpy fucker. You moan when he doesn't pick a date and you moan when he does.

JohnFarleysRuskin Thu 14-May-15 22:36:25

Umm, I think you are.

You were annoyed twice that he didn't make a definite date- now he's made a definite date you're pissed off...

His previous gifts sound quite thoughtful...

Pennies Thu 14-May-15 22:37:31

What juney said.

Suzietastic Thu 14-May-15 22:37:33

I'm not sure why booking it yourself takes the fun out of anything really? if you are so busy isn't it better you organise the time off yourself?

ilove Thu 14-May-15 22:37:57

You, bloody hell you're ungrateful!!!

Fatmomma99 Thu 14-May-15 22:38:08

sorry to say this, but I read your post and felt a bit sorry for him. He brought you two really nice, thoughtful presents, and had the consideration to build in flexibility to make them nice/convenient/more pleasurable for you. You haven't used either of them.

So he's making a bit of a decision for you.

And you're not happy.

And he only wants to give you a present!

He sounds sweet and considerate.


Duckdeamon Thu 14-May-15 22:38:58

Yanbu this time: he shouldn't ask if you're free then get arsey if you're not!

But if you needed time to use the previous gifts then why didn't you say so? Rather than fester.

Do you both have a similar amount of leisure time?

hoolaloola Thu 14-May-15 22:39:28

They were really thoughtful and I was really pleased to receive them. They just have never happened. We have 4 young dc and very busy lives. If we want to do anything it takes a lot of planning (including a hair cut).

Duckdeamon Thu 14-May-15 22:39:46

It's not considerate though to give a spa gift to people who aren't into spas, or gifts involving time to people who have little!

ladymariner Thu 14-May-15 22:40:53

Wow, YABU, massively. He's right, he can't do anything to please you.....can't believe you haven't bothered using the spa day, if he'd booked the dates for that you would have moaned he had got it wrong. Hope he still goes out with a mate instead, and has a great time, sounds like he deserves it!

flora717 Thu 14-May-15 22:41:07

Do you want him to just swoop in, organise your time and handle arrangements? You've twice demonstrated you do. Now he has you're digging your heels in.

JohnFarleysRuskin Thu 14-May-15 22:41:14

What else is he going to do though?

She gets the hump if he doesn't book things up so he booked it up. Now she's got the hump that he booked it on the wrong day.

hoolaloola Thu 14-May-15 22:42:39

He hadn't booked a spa day. He did a homemade voucher for a day at a spa sometime.

Hassled Thu 14-May-15 22:43:17

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to know what you're being asked to give up a much needed hair appointment for.

And yes, those gifts where you have to do yet more bloody sorting to enjoy it aren't really much of a gift at all.

JeanSeberg Thu 14-May-15 22:43:34

Make that a disorganised grumpy fucker.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 14-May-15 22:44:20

How tight are your diamond shoes op?

VelvetRose Thu 14-May-15 22:44:32

He sounds very nice and thoughtful but at the same time I can understand your frustration!

AtiaoftheJulii Thu 14-May-15 22:44:50

Yanbu! It's not considerate to ask you if you're busy after he's booked something else!

You. You are seriously ungrateful and sound a pain in the backside. Can't rearrange a hairdressers appointment for 3 weeks, are completely unable to arrange a date to do something because you wouldn't have time for the thing but if some body does it for you you would be able to find the time? Wtf! Seriously!!

Oh and to go out with two inch roots that,guess what,you already have.

Poor bloke. Try being nicer and stop expecting people to do everything for you when you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd Thu 14-May-15 22:45:03

YABU and your DH should LTB.

Theycallmemellowjello Thu 14-May-15 22:45:15

I actually think it's not much of a gift if he doesn't also say, and when would you like to do it, I'll look after the kids on that day. But if he did make it clear that he would take the kids, yabu. Also I'd just rearrange the hairdresser.

Fairenuff Thu 14-May-15 22:45:56

Which do you want OP?

Make arrangements yourself that fit in with your plans, or have it done by him and risk it clashing with your plans?

hoolaloola Thu 14-May-15 22:46:35

Why am I disorganised? I have 4 dc including a toddler at home full time with very limited access to childcare. I am a WAHP and I run my own business part time. I can be nothing but organised or our lives would not function.
Grumpy fucker I can take...

ladymariner Thu 14-May-15 22:47:14

How hard is it to get together with your best mate, sort out a date, leave the childcare to him (which he is obviously happy to do seeing as he's given you the voucher) and disappear off for a day....and did you really mean to sound so disparaging ('home-made voucher') about a gift you are supposedly 'really pleased to recieve'?

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