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AIBU in being miffed by this comment from MIL

(39 Posts)
AiryFairyLiquid Thu 14-May-15 12:04:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

123Jump Thu 14-May-15 12:06:10

She sounds like a right charmer!
Count yourself lucky that you don't have to do a flipping tap for her, now or when she is older. At her own request.

queenofthepirates Thu 14-May-15 12:07:28

I think you've dodged a bullet there!

RosaGertrudeJekyll Thu 14-May-15 12:08:33

miffed, at such a massive kick off. whats wrong with you? its obvious she cant stand you. would be more than miffed

Dandybella Thu 14-May-15 12:08:46

Well she sounds just lovely.

But like the precious poster said, you don't have to do shit for her when she gets older now. Every cloud and all that.

littlemslazybones Thu 14-May-15 12:09:35

On the up side, it sounds like you have just dodged a bullet.

MakeItACider Thu 14-May-15 12:09:55

YANBU, she was TOTALLY out of line.

But... what did your DH say while she was having this tirade? Did he just sit there and let her dish it out to you? Did he try at all to stop it?

Because it sounds as though your problem might be with him as much as with her - because if he doesn't stand up for you it will never stop.

thatsn0tmyname Thu 14-May-15 12:09:58

Lovely. Get that in writing so you never have her living with you!

TheOriginalWinkly Thu 14-May-15 12:10:07

"I am prepared to take care of you when you can't take care of yourself"
"You're so selfish! I HATE YOU!"

Hahahaha your MIL is a delight. Don't be miffed be relieved.

ADachshundNamedColin Thu 14-May-15 12:11:14

I think I'd thank her for taking the trouble to let me know where I stood on that then.

She does does rather awful. What did your Dh say?

PeppaPlug Thu 14-May-15 12:11:49

Do you think you hit a nerve?

She might be worrying about getting older and some day losing her independence. Or she might have been offended that you viewed her in that way now.

Try to shrug it off (easier said than done).

Betsyblue Thu 14-May-15 12:12:52

I think the only unreasonable part is that you're just 'miffed'! She was incredibly rude and out of line- what did your DH say?

Icimoi Thu 14-May-15 12:14:41

I think after that you have every excuse to go NC, or at least to the bare minimum of contact if your DH feels he must.

MildDrPepperAddiction Thu 14-May-15 12:15:18

You have had a close call there. What did your DH say?

PlumpingThePartTimeMother Thu 14-May-15 12:16:50

Hmm. Does your DH have a relatively good relationship with her? Does she have friends, other family, a full life generally? Or is she a bit lonely?

I'm trying to guess why a person would react like that and I've come up with:

1) She sees that you love your parents from your comments and is jealous because she suspects none of her children feel the same about her and so lashed out at you, the person who brought that feeling to the surface

2) She doesn't like you full stop and seized the opportunity to tell you so in detail, emphasising that she'd rather be alone and vulnerable than be obliged to feel grateful to you (as she would see it)

3) She didn't look after her own parents in that way and you made her feel guilty and so she's lashing out at you in a combination of guilt and dislike

Take your pick, really. Most of the suggested reasons don't sync well with her being a very nice person, so it's a bullet well dodged.

Collaborate Thu 14-May-15 12:17:05

Presumably now she's got that off her chest she'll not be coming round any more. Can't imagine she'd expect you to make her welcome.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother Thu 14-May-15 12:17:50

Oh and 4) she is scared of being alone and vulnerable and lashed out at you for that alone.

Jackie0 Thu 14-May-15 12:19:57

Well that's a win win then.
Honestly this is a good thing.
I'd rather have her honest dislike of me than some passive aggressive nonsense.

MrsGentlyBenevolent Thu 14-May-15 12:21:42

She sounds horrid. However, I've always said myself that I will not have my children/family take care of me when I cannot do it myself, I would much rather go to a home. Perhaps you touched nerve? For whatever reason, she sees being 'looked after' as some sort of indignaty. Anyway, you know how she feels now, so that's one less bother in a few years, you should have smiled and said as much to her. At least now you know to keep pleasantries to a minimum.

feebeecat Thu 14-May-15 12:22:44

Think I'd just count that as a result. And perhaps get her to sign something.

QuintShhhhhh Thu 14-May-15 12:22:44

It probably would have been less insensitive of you to just say "I prefer to keep it as a guest bedroom" and not mention anything about future incapabilities and caring needs....

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 14-May-15 12:24:48

Bi think the phrase you are looking for is "super duper".

redskybynight Thu 14-May-15 12:39:41

I'm wondering if she heard your ".. and of course the same goes for DH's family" as a huge afterthought and was insulted by it. So she retorted by saying she didn't want to come and live with you anyway?

TBH it sounds like you were insensitive.

AiryFairyLiquid Thu 14-May-15 12:59:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedInBath Thu 14-May-15 13:17:22

What's the back story with you two?

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