Travel to a wedding

[Ninnypie]

I have been invited to my good friend’s wedding in June. She is from another country so is getting married there. She was always clear that the wedding venue is 3 hours away from the nearest airport. I have to admit that I thought this was a bit of a pain and told DH so at the time. However, this friend came to my wedding and is a good friend so I didn’t give it too much thought. We booked tickets, leaving on the Friday and returning on the Sunday. We can’t go for any longer as we work and can’t take holiday.

We’ve just found out that the venue is actually almost 4 hours away from the airport. When my DH heard this he said he doesn’t want to go anymore as it’s too far to travel with our 15 month old for a weekend. He says that either I go on my own and he stays at home with DD or we don’t go at all.

I don’t want to let my friend down but nor do I want to spend the whole weekend without my daughter. I work all week and the time with my daughter is so precious. I told DH that we’d made the decision to go and we therefore shouldn’t back out now and he said that I should really reassess this decision as it’s not fair on DD to subject her to all that travelling. I am feeling really torn, on the one hand I know it’s a lot of travel with a small child. She is used to travel but this is extreme – 10 hours on the Friday and 10 hours on the Sunday leaving us with just the Saturday ‘off’. On the other hand, I really can’t imagine leaving her behind and not being with her all weekend. And, of course I’d feel bad for my friend if we didn’t go. I should add I am also feeling rather let down by DH’s lack of support, I thought he had agreed to this and now he’s suddenly saying he doesn’t want to go anymore.

Am I being selfish or is DH being unreasonable?

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

I don't think one more hour makes thatch difference TBH - unless it's a boat ride or some additional complication

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

Thatch = that much!

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I agree that an extra hour shouldn't make a difference. You're either willing to do a long journey or you're not.

[HermioneWeasley]

Agree with those saying that I can't see why 9 hours is do able but 10 isn't. But is go on my own. I understand how precious time with your dd is, but the travel will be awful with her. Is there any way you could go but come back sooner and use the Monday to spend with your family?

[Ninnypie]

Yes I should perhaps add that dh claims he thought that wedding venue was 2 hours away from airport. I think that still doesn't change much though, you're right. If he was willing to do 8 hours we can do 10.

Thanks

[bigbumtheory]

Dh is being unreasonable given its not much longer. Sounds like he isn't so keen and wants an out. If he would want to do for his friends he should for yours, how would hos actions be if things were switched?

[Ninnypie]

No way I can xome back any earlier Hermione. Otherwise I would perhaps do that. Back to work on the Monday.

[drumKitten]

I think you should leave your DD with your DZh and go and enjoy the weekend. It would be nice for you DD to be with your DH and nice fir you to be able to concerntrate on your friend and the wedding. 10 hours is too much travelling with a wee baby. It's doable if you 'have' to but I wouldn't bother if there were alternatives.

[Ninnypie]

You're right big, I think he wants an out. He was really over the top on the phone and said I should question myself about what's best for our DD... I think he was trying to make me feel bad. And now you mention of last year we spent about 8 hours getting to one of his friend's weddings...

[ShaynePunim]

Your DH is BU and selfish.

However you can't change his actions, but you are responsible for your own. If he lets you down, don't let your friend down. Go without him.

[SaucyJack]

Adding another "one more hour won't make any difference" vote.

[AdeleDazeem]

I used to have to travel 6 hours (there; and 6 hours back) with DD to see family - roughly once a month. It's definitely doable for a one off. Then my grandad died and we were talking pretty much double for a funeral.

Seems like it's something you should be able to do - if you want to.

[TheRealMaryMillington]

It sound like a nightmare, so tbh I think your DH is has a point. He could be nicer about making it though.

You should go, leave your DD at home. One weekend, for a dear friend. It's important.

[TheRealMaryMillington]

Travelling time - to that extent - will not be quality time with your child.

YANBeingSelfish, but DH isn't being unreasonable either.

[NRomanoff]

I think you should go, if he goes he will moan which won't make dealing with dd any easier. An extra hour or two doesn't make a huge difference imo. I think he is being a bit shit, tbh.

Quite honestly its one weekend, I am sure your dd will be fine and you will have a good time, you will miss her but you will be fine. Plenty of people have left their dc at home for a weekend by 15 months. My SIL has had 4 weekends away and her youngest is 5 months old. Has damaged any of them.

[Ninnypie]

I don't think id enjoy it on my own. I'd booked some where for us to stay on Friday night (not wedding place) which has been paid for so id be there on my own for the first 24 hours. And of course I know dd won't be damaged by a weekend without me, I don't want to spend a weekend without her.

[AuntieStella]

A very small child will see the journey as an adventure not a chore.

And the difference in time between what you thought and what it's likely to be is less than an hour each way.

[TheRealMaryMillington]

Don't go then.

But tbh I think really good friends are important and so turing up for their stuff is important.

[redskybynight]

I realise "it's only another hour" but that's actually an extra hour both ways, including that much more likelihood that you will get held up. Plus, if your DD is anything like mine were at that age, making the journey time 4 hours rather than 3 will mean that you have to stop for her to have some food and a nappy change rather than just doing the whole thing as one trip.

I suspect that DH thought it was a long way anyway and this is just the straw that broke the camel's back. I'd leave him at home with DD. Don't know you any of your friend's other guests - you can meet up with them?

[OnlyLovers]

An extra hour (even both ways) isn't that bad, is it? And in fact you say it's almost 4 hours –or, in other words, 3 hours and something.

I'd go. You sound like you don't want to let your friend down. I think your DH needs to toughen up too; what a delicate flower not being able to manage a journey of under four hours.

[NRomanoff]

Don't go. But I think as she is such a good friend its not really about whether you would have a good time, its about being there for her important day. I hope you do enjoy it.

Yes you will miss her, but you will get over it and she will be absolutely fine. but if you don't want to go don't go. You can't make dh go, he should go but you can't force him to.

[bearchomp]

I understand why you are annoyed that DH has suddenly changed his mind but I think that you should go on your own. I get that you will miss your daughter, but what is more important - you missing her or putting her through a weekend of travelling of 10hrs each way?

[Ninnypie]

Thanks all for replies.

I'm going to tell dh to suck it up and we're all going together. He agreed to the joureny when he thought it was one hour less so tough luck for him. DD is a seasoned traveller (already been on various longhaul flights) and no one is driving (flight, train and bus) so we can both take care of her. Dh just doesn't want to go so he's using dd as an excuse.

[Ninnypie]

Oh and we lose out on around 500 pounds if dh and dd don't go

[Blarblarblar]

DH is being a bit unreasonable but It's a long way for a little person I'd go alone.
Do you not want to leave her for any other reason? Do you trust your DH? Do you actually quite fancy showing her off to your pal (understandable).
If it's about your friend then you will be more focussed on supporting her without dd.