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Are we being unreasonable?

(22 Posts)
Beth2511 Tue 12-May-15 22:20:06

There's a lot of back story and posted a previous thread about a horrid MIL where it was a pretty unanimous.. she's a nasty piece of work.

Anyway, before all the heart break of the last 5 months we named DD (now 6 months) after my aunty and MIL. My aunty died in January the day after meeting DD and was desperate to have seen how grow up, she cried apologising that her only regret is not being able to watch her grow. MIL has written DD out of her life and tried to have her removed from us by social services and won't even acknowledge her existance. Tells people she has two grandchildren, not three etc.

OH suggested that he wanted MILs name taken out of DDs and I'd not thought about it until then but now I've thought about it I do, it breaks my heart that someone who can't even acknowledge she exists is honoured in the same way as an aunty who held on just long enough to even meet her. I agree I want it changed but I don't want to be doing wrong by DD. Me and OH have more or less agreed that if she won't acknowledge DDs existance, then to DD she does not exist.

What would you do? I'm so so hurt recently that I just don't know what to do, but my heart doesn't want my daughter having any connection in person or in name to her. Head or heart?

SistersofPercy Tue 12-May-15 22:31:08

Personally I'd do it in a heartbeat. So i think yanbu.

I think I recall you can change a birth certificate within the first twelve months. Sure someone will confirm or tell me I've dreamt it.

AuntyMag10 Tue 12-May-15 22:31:35

I wouldn't lose a seconds sleep over this and gladly remove her name from your dds name. Why should she be honored when she has decided your dd has no existence.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 12-May-15 22:34:07

I wouldn't hesitate to do it.

Sorry for the loss of your aunt

AliceLidl Tue 12-May-15 22:43:06

I would change it.

You could chose a similar name or a name with the same meaning if you wanted to keep some link to the name she already has.

I think if you change the name before the baby's first birthday it's very simple and easy. You just get a new certificate.

Timri Tue 12-May-15 22:45:45

As others have said, don't even hesitate!

Beth2511 Tue 12-May-15 22:51:07

Thank you. It's good to know we are not being unreasonable, it's hard to judge when there is so much emotion surround events still. I just could not imagine in a few years explaining that her one name is after someone who loved her to pieces and fought to see her and well the other name is after someone who has caused so much hurt...

BifsWif Tue 12-May-15 22:59:56

You can change the birth certificate within the first year as a PP said.

I wouldn't hesitate, she doesn't deserve the honour.

CalleighDoodle Tue 12-May-15 23:05:16

Yes do it. How dare she not acknowledge her granddaughter!

kissmethere Tue 12-May-15 23:46:59

Fraid so I'd change it. That's really nasty for a grown woman to act this way. She's brought it on her self by the sounds of it.

Topseyt Wed 13-May-15 02:23:05

Change it. No question at all. The sooner the better by the sound of it. No need to honour a nasty piece of work who hasn't earned it in any way.

lazydog Wed 13-May-15 02:42:28

Absolutely do it!

lazydog Wed 13-May-15 02:42:36

Absolutely do it!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 13-May-15 02:46:31

Absolutely dump her name out of your DD's! She shouldn't have any input at all into your DD since she refuses to even acknowledge her.

She sounds foul - I don't know the back story but I don't think there's any coming back from this - so cut her out of your DD's name and life.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Wed 13-May-15 05:36:46

Yep! Do it vote from me!

crossroads15 Wed 13-May-15 06:08:15


siblingrevelryagain Wed 13-May-15 06:13:45

Do it.

If she stays wicked and toxic you'll be glad you did.

If she ever gets to the stage of having a relationship in the future with your DD (by some miracle), it won't be affected by the name thing anyway.

Ohfourfoxache Wed 13-May-15 06:19:13

I remember your thread Beth - recognise your username.

Definitely change, I'd do it without a second thought.

How about your name as a replacement?

MagelanicClouds Wed 13-May-15 06:47:27

Another vote for 'do it!' from me.
I also remember your previous thread. Do you have another relatives name you'd prefer? Your name? Heck, just pick something you like and your daughter is lucky to have parents as strong as you to keep her safe from such an awful woman!
flowers hope all settles down now.

Mrsbobdylan Wed 13-May-15 06:53:51

Change it. Even if your mil does at some point start acting like a decent human being, she has forfeited any right to see her self acknowledged in name through the next generation.

hauntedhenry Wed 13-May-15 08:04:26

Change it. Yanbu, at all.

Lymmmummy Wed 13-May-15 13:34:30

Definitely do it -

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