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To think that announcements on social media should be made by the person with the news?

(34 Posts)
donttweetwhereyoueat Mon 11-May-15 22:05:57

I'll try to be brief. I had an interview for a job recently, which I heard I got today. (Yay!)

On the day of the interview, DH tweeted - tagging me - saying the name of the job, and how proud he was that I'd got an interview. I saw this as soon as I came out of the interview and asked him to take it down, which he did straight away. My reason was that I was worried that colleagues etc might be able to see the tweet (I don't fully understand who can see what, but assume twitter is basically an open site). I was clear with DH about these reasons, saying that I'd been super-careful not to put anything on social media, as I was worried about colleagues seeing anything. I said that I realised it was kindly meant, but that it was inappropriate to broadcast confidential information in this way.

Today, I got the job. Within five minutes of telling DH, he'd tweeted to say "Feeling very proud of DontTweet - brilliant to have some good news!" He also put the same message on Facebook, tagging me. I have timeline review (so it'd didn't go on my timeline), but within a few minutes a mutual friend had asked "ooh, what's she done?". DH and I have mutual Facebook friends who are my colleagues, and whilst some of these are from the wider organisation, others are from my department - given the senior nature of my role, it's really important I'm careful about how people hear the news of my job. I've been very careful who've I told about the application. Again, DH took down the FB and twitter messages as soon as I asked him too, which I was relieved about.

I'm really pissed off about DH making an announcement - even though it was "discreet" (his word) it invited questions. I also think it's for me to make the announcement, as and when I want, and DH can show public support at that stage, if he's so inclined. There are loads of details to be worked out, and it's highly likely but not certain that I'll accept the job.

I also said to DH that I feel like the announcement is more about him (being seen as supportive) than him actually being supportive by responding to an unambiguous request from me about social media and the status of my application. He's furious about this, and says that I've offended and hurt him. AIBU?

meglet Mon 11-May-15 22:07:19

Yanbu. Only tell news if it's yours to tell..

LittleIda Mon 11-May-15 22:10:46

How infuriating!

CalleighDoodle Mon 11-May-15 22:13:39

Totally agree withyou. Did he buy you flowers as a gesture of pride?

IFinishedTheBiscuits Mon 11-May-15 22:14:37

YANBU. I also wouldn't have wanted to have to admit to a hundred people that I hadn't got a job I'd interviewed for it hadn't gone so well.

Congrats BTW!

Does your DP just not have enough of his own news?!

My sister broke the news of my son's birth on Facebook. But she did, unexpectedly, have to deliver him so I let her have that one!

thehumanjam Mon 11-May-15 22:16:47

I'm not surprised that you're annoyed it wasn't your dh's news to announce. Do you generally find it annoying that he has to announce everything anyway? It would do my head in!

ScotsWhaHae Mon 11-May-15 22:18:26

YANBU and totally right when you say he wants to appear supportive whilst not being really very supportive at all.

donttweetwhereyoueat Mon 11-May-15 22:19:02

calleighdoodle not so much. DH had really nicely bought some champagne and steak for the weekend, in case I heard then. After the social media shenanigans, DH said that he assumed I didn't want to celebrate with him tonight given the "tone of my message". I said that he was right about this evening (I was out early evening anyway), but that I'd like to celebrate soon. So he's eaten his bit of steak tonight, put mine in the freezer, and generally been a strop monkey.

DH has been very supportive about the job generally, but me pulling him up on the announcement today has made him furious. It seems like complete bullshit to me...

Clinkclank Mon 11-May-15 22:23:55

Erm no! He shouldnt have posted anything - he would have created lots of unwanted questions if he kept that status update on FB

How awkward! The first person you want to tell is your boss not your boss telling you they know - because that could have easily happend :/

donttweetwhereyoueat Mon 11-May-15 22:24:38

IFinishedTheBiscuits I was prepared to be annoyed on your behalf there, though see the circumstances were slightly unusual smile

thehumanjam Mon 11-May-15 22:29:21

It's very odd to post about interviews on social media anyway. I don't have any colleagues as friends on Facebook but I still wouldn't want what is essentially my private business broadcast for all to see. Your dh has overstepped the mark. I have a relative who has a dh who is the same, he is proud of his wife on a daily basis and posts absolutely everything.

donttweetwhereyoueat Mon 11-May-15 22:38:31

I was annoyed about the tweet last week, but it's completely infuriated me that - having been so clear - DH then posted both on twitter AND on Facebook, where he knows some colleagues are mutual friends. Grr!

cleanmyhouse Mon 11-May-15 22:43:44

Facebook and twitter do strange things to people. It's all instant gratification and attention when you post something.

He was out of line. Once was pretty daft, considering the sensitivity with the work thing. Twice? Let him strop.

cleanmyhouse Mon 11-May-15 22:45:47

Sorry, posted too soon. Let him strop all he wants. He'll figure out how daft he's being eventually.

Sounds like hes embarrassed for being so stupid but can't admit it.

nochurniscream Tue 12-May-15 00:11:50


I would be furious, but my DH would never do that (thank goodness!)

It's childish and ridiculous and if the new employer had seen they would likely view it as highly unprofessional - especially if for a senior role as you say

Putting it on social media is only ok once contracts signed, references done and start date within next week or so IMHO

We once had a candidate publicly tweet us saying 'aww couldn't believe I didn't get the job sadsad' - this was for a v senior role and highly inappropriate for him to do!

bigbumtheory Tue 12-May-15 00:23:41

It is more about him about liked and recognition for him supporting, all statuses are attention seeking in one way or another when about someone.else.

Yanbu he was very much do. Why did he feel the need to show everyone else he supported through social media? To show he was a great dh and get recognition first, or he would have waited for you to post and posted after if it was just to support you.

Unfortunately op your dh won't accept his attention seeking because he is too enthralled by the idea that social media attention gives him happy.

Eigg Tue 12-May-15 00:30:21

Your DH is completely in the wrong here. As I say to my children 'it wasn't his story to tell'.

Why would he think this was ok following the interview twitter post discussion?

His thoughtlessness seems to have turn what should be a lovely celebratory occasion into an argument. I'm not sure how he rationalises that.

-Plus cryptic FB messages are really irritating--

LittleIda Tue 12-May-15 00:40:38

Is it possible that he actually isn't happy at your success op? Maybe feels outshone, hmm and is doing something (twice) that he knows will make you feel uncomfortable and could even sabotage things and then stropping around when you react to that?

BeCool Tue 12-May-15 01:36:09

YANBU. He had behaved badly twice.

I'd be concerned at his selfish response to your complaints too. Is he always sulking and punishing you when you don't do things his way?

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc Tue 12-May-15 01:59:20

Unfortunately I think this is a sign of the times, it seems that public displays via social media are replacing good old fashioned personal support. E.g. posts "thinking of my friends at this hard time" inviting lots of "oh hun hope all is ok" "I'll pm you" rather than going to your friend and saying "I'm here" . Everything seems to elicit a secondary response so he genuinely is proud of you but he likes other people to be able to acknowledge that he is a good person to be proud of you. personally I hate this stuff but it is increasingly normalised. Sorry, I don't know what the answer is, I just avoid sharing things with people who pray at the alter of Facebook!

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc Tue 12-May-15 01:59:46

Oh, congratulations on the job btw smile

pluCaChange Tue 12-May-15 06:20:34

Potentially causing awkwardness, and certainly causing stress for you is supportive, is it?

You have to ignore his strop. He has no right to these feelings, so you needn't capitulate, but he may come round more quickly if bitterness hasn't been entrenched by an argument.

AnnoyedParent22 Tue 12-May-15 06:37:01

I agree with what Little said. I wonder if your DH might just be envious underneath, or insecure somehow about your interview success, and thus his over the top congratulations via twitter/facebook in an attempt to hide his ambivalence/concern... Then when you are [rightly] cross at him he finally has the opportunity to air his disgruntlement, albeit at your ingratitude rather than your career success.

I would also find this situation infuriating.

FWIW a close relative of mine also does this, constant posting about her husband's and son's achievements. She lives in another country and even posted about her reaction to the Tory's winning the UK election when it doesn't affect her AT ALL!

I think in her case she has very little going on in her own life coupled with an insecure and needy personality. She lives for those 'likes' and positive comments and broods [seriously] when she doesn't get enough attention for one of her posts.

donttweetwhereyoueat Tue 12-May-15 07:16:10

Thank you all. I feel relieved that others share my views on the situation. DH said that he "wanted to celebrate my job" to which I replied that he can celebrate publicly when the news is public. And I'm ignoring the strop grin

ollieplimsoles Tue 12-May-15 07:50:35

Really annoyed for you op, I agree with RedRug that its a sign of the times and will only get worse. My dh doesn't have facebook, and I have it for work reasons with restrictions on my page.

We have a few relatives on facebook (everyone has a few) who will literally say anything, often the usual "so proud of so and so" or " so excited!" That beg questions from people you don't even know. I think if the person isn't planning to share news on fb then its even worse when family or friends share it right away.

We put a side message in our wedding invites politely asking people not to upload photographs of us from the wedding to their facebooks, and when we announced our pregnancy we had to say strictly no facebook announcements.

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