AIBU to not suggest Dh calls his mother?

[TowerRavenSeven]

its Mothers Day and dh still hasn't called his mum. He made her a beautiful present that we sent with a card, haven't even received a call that she got it. He is very good with remembering to remind ds about me but I usually have to remind him about her. He loves her but has many reasons for not liking her much.

We've been married 17 years and year after year I had to remind him (even though she is not a good mil to me). In the past I always did all the present shopping too but she's ungrateful and would make digs about gifts I would select for her. Im just tired of it and I haven't 'reminded' him yet to call her He's been surrounded by 'Mothers day' stuff there is no way on Earth he's forgotten the day. Surely if he Really wanted to he'd call her wouldn't he?

We live in another country so if he's to call he needs to get on with it. But he's a grown man and surely he should do it shouldn't he? My parents are long deceased and she doesn't even resemble a mother figure to me. So would IBU to let him just get on with it (or not?) I'm tired of reminding.

[hiddenhome]

Just leave it. If he wants to call her he can. Perhaps he doesn't want to.

[beezlebop]

Really sorry, in exactly the same position as you! I have decided it's up to my OH after much agonising. Xx

[TowerRavenSeven]

Thanks beezlebop he forgets his father too on birthday and Father's Day and I'm always a bit more charitable with reminding him because I feel sorry for him (married to dh's mum) and he's more sentimental than she is. I genuinely like the man - to a certain extent - ok at least more than I like her.

[DejaVuAllOverAgain]

He's an adult presumably. If he wants to call he'll remember.

[WorraLiberty]

Hmm I was going to say YANBU because he's an adult and should remember his own Mum.

Until I read that you remind him about his Dad because you happen to like him.

I think this should be about your DH rather than the popularity of your inlaws.

If you honestly think you're DH is going to be upset with himself that he forgot, then you should probably remind him to stop that upset for his sake.

I only suggest that because you've reminded him for 17 years, so it seems a bit off to stop all of a sudden because you don't like your MIL.

[mynewpassion]

Just be nice and do one reminder. Once is sufficient. He does for you with son.

[zipzap]

Is his mother living in the UK while you're living outside of the UK?

On the off-chance that this is the case, you might find that his mother is a bit bemused to get a mother's day card as it's not mothering sunday here - that happened a while ago back in March...

If it's not the case and it's also mother's day in the country his mother's in then ignore this comment

And no, I wouldn't do any reminding. Maybe once in conversation if I was in a good mood, or wanted to find out when he was planning on ringing her in case it impacted on our plans for the day (say if there were time differences). Or if he asked me to help remind him at a certain time. But other than that - pah. sounds like he has had plenty of chances over the years and there's no point pushing it any more!

[beezlebop]

Very true! However, my DP used that as an excuse. Always an excuse. Eventually he and she admitted how Dreadful their relationship had got and are now hopefully working at it. I have also admitted that not everyone mum is. Like mine was. Remind him once but then leave it up to him x.

[TowerRavenSeven]

The phone rang mid afternoon and he said it was probably his parents, when it wasn't he didn't call, just got on with whatever he was doing. Now a neighbor just walked by with her children and he wished her a happy Mother's Day. We also just discussed dinner plans so he knows it's getting later there. I'm going to leave it.

[TowerRavenSeven]

Ok he needed to speak with his father so he just picked up the phone and is calling her.

[holeinmyheart]

As a MIL I do not expect my DILs to send me cards for any occasion or buy presents for me on behalf of my male children.
I don't think they should be responsible.
My male children are adults and should behave like adults. End of.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

^This. Also, if I were to send DM a Mother's day card, I'd have got a lecture about the greeting card industry, being a 364 skivvy and the degeneration of the Feast of the Annunciation.

Besides, the message inside would have read "Dear Mum, thank you for the high pain threshold, the rage and the cruel will to dominate".