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I know I m bu but please tell me

(17 Posts)
wheresthelight Sun 10-May-15 22:15:27

When dd was born it was important to me that she was christened, I am not a regular church goer but I do believe and go when I can. Also dps mum was dying and we wanted her to be there for dds big day so the vicar very kindly squeezed us in at very short notice. Unfortunately this was only a fortnight after my sister's wedding and I know that she was a little miffed as she felt I was upstaging her especially as the wedding was the first time many of our family met dd (she was 8 weeks old at the time).

I knew I wanted my sister as a godparent to dd but I also wanted my best friend and her husband for personal reasons and dp wanted his best friend. I spoke to my sister and asked if her husband would mind not being asked. It wasn't a comment on him just a case of not wanting to go ott. At the time she said he would be fine then a few days later rang me pretty cross and was adamant we had to have her dh. I was miffed as I didn't think it was her place to dictate but for the sake of the bigger picture I agreed and asked him. She pulled a similar stunt when I married my exhibition because I hadn't invited her best friend (who doesn't like me, I have never really known and my own best friend wasn't invited to the meal so if I was able to invite more then she would still not have been on the list) and caused major ructions between me and our dad over it.

Anyway scroll forward and she has had her dd and is holding the christening in a few weeks time. I have not been asked a godparent although her dh's sister has even though she has never spent anytime with the baby. I am actually a lot more pissed off by this than I thought I would be th. She kicked off over my dds christening and yet has neither asked me or my dp.

I know it's her and her dhs choice but I can't help be cross given her form. Tell me I am bu and to move on ladies!

Apologies longer than I expected

wheresthelight Sun 10-May-15 22:16:38

Exhibition should read exh sorry still training my kindle

RedCrayons Sun 10-May-15 22:19:13

Id be a pissed off too. I'd let it go for the sake of family harmony though.

Only1scoop Sun 10-May-15 22:23:08

I'd probably feel a bit miffed after the song and dance made previously.

You can pick your friends eh

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Sun 10-May-15 22:24:15

I've been in a similar position - unfortunately you do just have to suck it up, sorry flowers

Sistedtwister Sun 10-May-15 22:25:33

No YANBU but she sounds like really hard work, so I'd say nothing and keep this one in my pocket for when she kicks off the entitled dictator routine again. You know it's going to happen. Can you tell I have someone like this in my family? grin

Hassled Sun 10-May-15 22:25:34

Blimey, I'd be thoroughly pissed off. And I'd say something, too. She sounds like a piece of work.

TRexingInAsda Sun 10-May-15 22:26:46

Tbh, you sound exactly as bad as each other. Get over it. The parents choose the godparents. I felt sorry for you for the first 2 paragraphs but on the third one - you're just mirroring her irrational expectations, the only difference is that you gave in to hers and she's not giving in to yours (yet?).

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Sun 10-May-15 22:28:07

Urgh sisters. You are right to be annoyed. But it's a bite the tonuge situation. Be the bigger person. grin

wheresthelight Sun 10-May-15 22:28:11

redcrayons - I am not about to do or say anything mainly because my parents see her as little miss perfect so it wouldn't change anything and I would still be the bad guy.but it really grates that she gets to make a song and dance and gets her own way (yes I know I could have just said no) but then she doesn't apply the same "family first" argument when it's her turn and decides that it should all be about what she wants and everyone else can go to hell.

She kicked off about her bridesmaids dress for my wedding and then when I asked if I could have a slightly different style as the one she picked looked awful on me (I was pregnant and didn't know at the fitting) she went mental and told me it was that or nothing so I resigned as I really couldn't be bothered with the drama it would all cause.

wheresthelight Sun 10-May-15 22:30:31

Trex I have already said I know I am being unreasonable so I am not exactly sure what your point is. Also I have not made any demands of her so what exactly is your point?

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz1234 Sun 10-May-15 22:34:46

Yanbu but I think you should be relieved. I bet if you were a godparent then she would find ways to criticise your every move.

If I were you I would ignore it and not discuss it with anyone (except your DH). Just smile and nod. In the long run you can still be an important Auntie to you DN something you might not be able to do if you have a big argument about this with her. I don't see what good it would do to have it out with her. She may well have a 'reason' she doesn't want you to be a godparent but is it really going to help to know what it is - it will just be some crappy old excuse.

Don't let yourself get sucked into the drama.

FeelingSmurfy Sun 10-May-15 22:35:28

YABU for thinking that YABU!!!

Definitely NOT being unreasonable about the situation though

wheresthelight Sun 10-May-15 22:37:33

Abcd I have no intention of having it out with her. Only dp knows I am.upset about it. Saying anything only makes me as bad as her so I will sit quietly and say nothing like always. But it does hurt that I am given grief about family first and yet she fails to play by her own rules

wheresthelight Sun 10-May-15 22:38:10

Thanks smurfy grin

SanityClause Sun 10-May-15 22:42:51

YANBU to be upset about it, but not much you can do.

Rant away here, if it helps though. wink

TRexingInAsda Mon 11-May-15 22:42:16

Trex I have already said I know I am being unreasonable so I am not exactly sure what your point is. Also I have not made any demands of her so what exactly is your point?

Erm... what?
Your thread title is: "I know I'm bu, but please tell me" and your thread concludes "Tell me I am bu and to move on ladies!" so I did exactly that. Consider yourself told - you're welcome. May I suggest a more suitable title for next time might be: "I may or may not accept I am bu, but I certainly don't want to be told I am, so don't tell me so" or similar.

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