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Another wedding one!

(89 Posts)
paddypants13 Sun 10-May-15 12:21:52

Hi,

I am supposed to be attending a family wedding abroad (mainland Europe) but I will be 36/37 weeks pregnant.

I really want to go and had fully intended to but I have discovered I cannot get travel insurance. I think I would be an absolute fool to travel without insurance esp' at such a risky time and my DH agrees.

However, the rest of my family thinks we're being ridiculous and should go and the bride is already annoyed at us because we were not intending to arrive more than 2 days before the wedding and we were going to leave the day after.

My DD who will be 2 and 1/2 will be a flower girl and the bride wants her to attend a rehearsal, which is fair enough but she can't tell us the date for this!

My suggestion is my DH and DD go and I stay here.

I am worried the the bride and her family will stop speaking to me altogether. They are already angry with me because I was unable to attend my uncle's funeral 2 years ago. This was a combination of the laws over there dictating that a funeral must be held 5 days and so many hours after the death, the fact that I had just had a baby and couldn't get a passport for my DD in time and lack of funds due to maternity leave.

AIBU not to attend this wedding? Thanks.

Samcro Sun 10-May-15 12:24:00

yanbu and you know that

CallMeNancy Sun 10-May-15 12:24:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGrimes Sun 10-May-15 12:24:57

YANBU.

I am worried the the bride and her family will stop speaking to me altogether.

And this would be a bad thing, why? Sounds like you won't miss out on much if they did stop speaking to you.

Golferman Sun 10-May-15 12:25:06

Not at all, it would just put pressure on you at the time you need as less as possible. They sound controlling and mean.

coolaschmoola Sun 10-May-15 12:25:13

How are you planning on getting there? Most airlines won't let you fly past 36 weeks and ferries are 32 or 34 weeks depending on route which leaves the tunnel. As someone who came to the UK from Germany by car at 32 weeks and was very uncomfortable sitting for so long I wouldn't recommend that option if it's going to be over five hours.

As for not having travel insurance, that would be foolish.

midnightvelvet01 Sun 10-May-15 12:25:19

Let them have their hissy fit! I wouldn't travel no, & I bet if you did go into early labour then they would all be too busy with the wedding to help you & then it would be your fault for stealing their thunder & 'ruining their big day'.

If they do stop speaking to you, how upset would you be? Sounds like they are pains in the arse!

AuntieStella Sun 10-May-15 12:26:52

YANBU. No insurance (and being beyond the cut off for flying) mean you simply cannot go.

midnightvelvet01 Sun 10-May-15 12:26:59

Ooh CallMe I like that idea!

MissBattleaxe Sun 10-May-15 12:28:32

You can't fly that late. I think 36 weeks is the latest airlines will let you and some are even stricter. The bride is being inconsiderate. If a guest is heavily pregnant, you don't start making demands of them. She sounds like she just wants the photogenic flower girls and doesn't give a shit about you!

Iloveonionchutney Sun 10-May-15 12:30:47

YANBU, and I also don't think it would be a bad thing if they didn't speak to you again.
Ask the family if they are willing to pay for all the hospital fees etc if you delivered out there. If as a pp said you can find an airline that would allow it,

LemonSqueezyEasyPeasy Sun 10-May-15 12:32:01

Don't worry OP - the airlines won't let you travel that late. Simply calmly tell family that, and try not to stress about it. Do not engage with them beyond calmly explaining that you're not allowed (which is true!). Best of luck with your new baby

Totality22 Sun 10-May-15 12:33:07

Your family sound selfish and inconsiderate. Is there not one person that understands flying at 36-37w is a very high ask of you (as was travelling last minute with a young child).

In fact would any airline accept you for travel at that gestation?

I certainly wouldn't go and I'd pull dd out as well.

mikado1 Sun 10-May-15 12:42:17

Yanbu, nobody knows when they're going to go, I won't even be travellingmmore than an hour or so in a car at that stage-because of comfort, risk of dvt as well as possible labour. They are being so U, very unfair on you. Many people would be slow even to send dh and dd, just in case.

Hobbes8 Sun 10-May-15 12:42:42

How are they expecting you to get there? Teleportation?

You'll probably be alright at home on your own for a couple of days, as in your husband probably won't miss the birth. Do you have support nearby? Are you closeish to the hospital with reliable taxi service, or out in the middle of nowhere?

Quills Sun 10-May-15 12:43:28

YANBU, and if it were me I wouldn't want me DH abroad at such a late stage of pregnancy if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

AuntyMag10 Sun 10-May-15 12:48:33

Yanbu, they are basically saying screw you if you suddenly go into labour but as long as you show your face here we don't care. I would not be going and let them not speak to you again.

Brandysnapper Sun 10-May-15 12:50:41

I wouldn't want my dh to be away at that stage too, unless you are ok about getting to the hospital yourself and delivering without him.

NRomanoff Sun 10-May-15 12:53:28

If it was me I would let dh and dd go. I didn't have any reason to think my second would be early and would have been comfortable with it. You may not be.

I don't think you can fly then and would be very daft to go without insurance. Tell them your doctor has said it isn't safe

paddypants13 Sun 10-May-15 13:02:39

We have checked and I can travel Dover to Calais but it would involve long drives both ways. I am prepared to do this but not without insurance!

I skyped the bride last night and she was very huffy and rolling her eyes and we hadn't even realised about the insurance at that stage.

My DH suggested saying the doctor wouldn't give me a fit to travel letter but I am a terrible liar!

DH is not massively happy about leaving me but pregnancy has been risk free so far. We've agreed that I will stay with my favourite auntie (from other side of fam) whilst he is away so she can help in an emergency.

I lost my temper a bit last night and said I don't care if they never speak to me again but I would be upset. I had a bit of a breakdown and went into depression after my uncle died (there was a series of bereavements and stressful events at that time) and I probably haven't been the most supportive because I simply wasn't capable.

Thanks for the advice. xx

loveandsmiles Sun 10-May-15 13:05:20

YANBU. You will not be allowed to travel and would be really foolish to do so without travel insurance. I had holidays booked for the summer but have since fallen pregnant and had to cancel as ferry will not let me travel past 34weeks and insurance would be invalid. Other DCs are disappointed but not much we can do.

Your priority is you and your unborn baby flowers. When I first began reading I thought you were going to be PFB that was 20 weeks pregnant and it being all about you but absolutely not - I think you are being very nice about it - I wouldn't want my DH and DD being away so close to the birth either.

She sounds like a Bridezilla.

Fairenuff Sun 10-May-15 13:08:19

I don't think your dh should be leaving you tbh unless you are both happy that he misses the birth if it happens early.

CuppaSarah Sun 10-May-15 13:11:03

You probably won't be allowed to fly as others have said. They're being very selfish, don't feel guilty for not going l, you wouldn't be able to even if you really wanted to.

DelightfulFunky Sun 10-May-15 13:12:39

She sounds ridiculous and no way are you being U. She needs to take a walk a very long walk off a short plank!

Euphemia Sun 10-May-15 13:14:02

I don't understand why you accepted the invitation in the first place, given the proximity to your due date.

I definitely wouldn't be going now, and not DH either.

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