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Friend upset over sponsorship ...

(111 Posts)
SponsorshipDramaLlama Sat 09-May-15 17:40:14

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but maybe I'm wrong. I've name changed to venture into this part of the forum, partly because you can be a bit brutal and also this will identify me if my friends are on MN ...

I'm a keen runner, belong to a running club, do several races a year. A friend has never really run but is quite sporty and athletic. On the spur of the moment she decided to do a half marathon, did a couple of weeks training and successfully ran it - all great so far.

She decided just beforehand to do it for charity and asked me several times to sponsor her which I promised I would do. Being somebody who socialises with a lot of runners, it wasn't surprising that I knew eight other people doing the same race. Four of them were also doing it for charity, and by coincidence, three were doing it for the same charity (I wasn't running it as I had done one the week before - I've never run mine for charity as it's a hobby not a special endeavour for me).

I spoke to DH and we agreed we wanted to sponsor all our friends so decided to sponsor each one £5. So we were contributing £20 to one charity and £5 to another. We had also sponsored a few people doing the London marathon and it's all getting expensive. While we don't struggle, finances are pretty tight to the wire each month. We both work but childcare cripples what we bring home each month and we aren't high earners.

Anyway, my friend hasn't really spoken to me since doing her race and hadn't replied to a few texts. I asked a mutual friend in passing if she had seen her recently and she said that she had but knew she was a bit upset with me for only sponsoring her £5!

I sent her an email after I heard this and said great job on the race, you did really well and should be really proud of yourself for raising a good amount for charity. Sorry we couldn't contribute more but we were also sponsoring quite a few others in the same race and wanted to support all our friends equally rather than just one person a larger amount.

She replied and said it was okay but she was a bit upset as £5 doesn't go very far and it sends a message to others that it is okay to donate a low amount and for future reference it is better to donate anonymously and keep the amount hidden when it is less than £10.

I feel pretty put out and wish I hadn't bothered to sponsor her at all. DH says forget it, move on and don't sponsor her again but it is making me worried about sponsoring others - is £10 really considered the done minimum now?

mrslydiateapot Sat 09-May-15 17:42:27

Agree with your DH , that's just ungrateful

lapomme Sat 09-May-15 17:43:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PHANTOMnamechanger Sat 09-May-15 17:43:30

YANBU - friend should be grateful for any amount you can afford and choose to give!

lornathewizzard Sat 09-May-15 17:44:08

Friend is being ungrateful. Sponsor what you like.

ditavonteesed Sat 09-May-15 17:44:17

I hope not I only ever sponsor people a fiver, they all seem grateful.

CookieLady Sat 09-May-15 17:44:41

Agree with your DH. Definitely don't bother soo seeing her again.

beatofthedrum Sat 09-May-15 17:44:52

That's an awful attitude! Totally unacceptable. You explained anyway that you were sponsoring a few people.

fiveacres Sat 09-May-15 17:46:28

Gosh, how RUDE!

SeenSheen Sat 09-May-15 17:46:34

YANBU. She is being outrageous and trying to bully you into paying out more. Just don't sponsor her again.
There are parents at my kid's school who try a similar tactic with regard to teachers collections.
It simply leads to people opting out altogether.

ScotsWhaHae Sat 09-May-15 17:46:43

What a cow! Personally a fiver is my maximum and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see a fiver on someone's just giving page as I don't want to look like the first tight arse.

Icimoi Sat 09-May-15 17:46:54

Point out that you sponsored the same amount for four other people and they don't seem to have had any problems with the message it allegedly sent. I've seen loads of sponsorship lists where people sponsor a very wide range of sums, so clearly no-one is really influenced by what other people are or are not offering.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 09-May-15 17:47:45

She's very ungrateful.

To be honest I find people asking to be sponsored quite intrusive and a pita. Id rather give to charities of my choosing at a time of my choosing.

Id tell,your friend that next time and really give her something to moan about!

PeachyPants Sat 09-May-15 17:47:48

Your friend's a twat.

Neme Sat 09-May-15 17:48:56

I can't think of a charity that would turn their nose up at any amount, however small.

She is BU.

caroldecker Sat 09-May-15 17:49:36

But Scots that is exactly the friends point. Sponors £5 anonomously and hidden, then only £10 plus is on the page and you will donate £10 rather than be a 'tight-arse'

FarFromAnyRoad Sat 09-May-15 17:49:46

She sounds like a shocking twat - very rude and completely lacking in social awareness. Whatever happened to being grateful for whatever anyone can afford to offer you? I'm sure the charity in question wouldn't have her shitty attitude.
I'd let this one slip away - she sounds perfectly ghastly!

PeppermintCrayon Sat 09-May-15 17:50:31

She is BU and very ungrateful.

MitzyLeFrouf Sat 09-May-15 17:50:55

Christ. How self centered of her. No one ever seems to just run a race anymore for the fun of it. There isn't a day goes by that someone isn't looking to be sponsored for some race/triathlon/cycle etc. Thankfully most people participating realise that this is the case and aren't selfish enough to expect that everyone will bung them £20.

She needs a kick in the arse. Literal one and metaphorical one.

Oldraver Sat 09-May-15 17:51:59

I would be telling her she is an ungrateful cow. You can't what she did out loud and not expect a response

ThingummyJigg Sat 09-May-15 17:52:53

I wouldn't sponsor the rude moo again either.

I agree with your dh.

Hope your "friend" gets blisters, athlete's foot, and a linger case of jogger's nipple.

You can always donate directly to a charity. That's what I'd do in future (where rude moos are concerned).

CookieLady Sat 09-May-15 17:53:26

*sponsering. Bloody autocorrect.

Ratracerunner Sat 09-May-15 17:53:50

She is rude and entitled and clearly cannot/will not see anyone else's point of view.

I've had this - colleagues offended because I won't sponsor them. I explain I Direct debit to 3 chosen charities a month, plus do volunteer work. If they decide to run races, that is THEIR decision and I am not OBLIGED to donate.

Tbf I'm getting f***ed off with the constant demands and it's a terrible way to think sad

SisterMoonshine Sat 09-May-15 17:55:00

I have this every time Race For Life comes round. A great cause I'm happy to contribute to, but lots of people I know doing it.

Only1scoop Sat 09-May-15 17:55:32


Extremely ungrateful and rude

Dreadful manners

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