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To be annoyed DH has made lunch

(123 Posts)
Tybaltly Sat 09-May-15 12:37:32

For the children and himself but not me!

Background: today I had a lie in day, DH took the children swimming and I was in the bath when they got back. I then dried my hair. When I went downstairs the children were eating pasta and DH was having last nights takeaway. When I asked if he'd made anything for me he said I'd "opted out".

I cook most meals, at weekends we usually eat the same food as a family. I am feeling really annoyed that this isn't reciprocated. But then I was having a lazy day and upstairs when they started eating?

AIBU at feeling annoyed? Because I really do!

monkeysaymoo Sat 09-May-15 12:40:03

I would continue to 'opt out' and take myself off to a cafe for lunch on my own.

seaoflove Sat 09-May-15 12:40:43

You'd "opted out"? What is that supposed to mean?

I take that to mean he's deliberately left you out because he resents you having a lie in and washing your damn hair?

Yeah, I'd be pissed off too.

CrohnicallyInflexible Sat 09-May-15 12:41:04

YANBU. The least he could have done is shout up to see if you wanted anything. Maybe next time he's not in the room when you start cooking/eating, you should tell him he 'opted out'?

MangoJuggler Sat 09-May-15 12:41:48


What a selfish toerag, thoughtless - punishing you too, imo, for having the temerity to have a lazy morning


I'll bet there's other stuff going on too, non?

HoggleHoggle Sat 09-May-15 12:43:02

He's being a dick.

rastamam Sat 09-May-15 12:44:51

Yanbu. Yes very cheeky as he could have easily made enough pasta for you. You should order dominos pizza and icecream and go back upstairs for more relaxing.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-May-15 12:45:09

YANBU, he should have offered.

Having said that, if this was your DH moaning that you didn't make him lunch, I'm sure there would be cries of...

"He had a leisurely lie in, a bath, dried his hair and then waltzed down the stairs at lunchtime?? Tell him to get his own bloody lunch!"

woowoo22 Sat 09-May-15 12:45:22

Twat (him).

Euphemia Sat 09-May-15 12:47:34

Did you ask what he meant by "opted out"? I can't get my head round what the hell he was thinking.

I've been with DH for more than 20 years and he's never said or done anything like that.

Is he normally a selfish prick?

Allinson2014 Sat 09-May-15 12:48:19

YANBU. Why couldn't he have shouted up to you? Is he generally like this?

GemmaTeller Sat 09-May-15 12:50:07

wtf? 'you opted out' ???

What was stopping him shouting upstairs and asking you what you wanted?

BlackeyedSusan Sat 09-May-15 12:51:21

he sounds a prat. if you cook for him when he has been relaxing then he is a complete prat...

what is the normal set up?

justonemoretime2p Sat 09-May-15 12:52:01

He should have asked you what you wanted for lunch and prepared it for you, but let's be honest it's not the end of the world.
I would say "I don't know what you mean by opted out but nex time could you make me something as well"
If he tries to clarify what "opted out" means tell him you could start presuming he is opting out of things from now on.

Tybaltly Sat 09-May-15 12:52:21

No! He's not usually a selfish prick, he's normally great! But yes think I'm being punished for having morning to myself. We are taking the kids out now but I'll address it properly later when they're out of range.

I felt better after writing it down but you've all reminded me it is a shitty thing to do, thanks MN!

GingerLDN Sat 09-May-15 12:52:31

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. If they were all having the same meal and not enough for you I'd agree with you but he's sorted the kids, got himself something at the same time and assumed you could get something when you're ready. YANBU but neither is he IMO.

Branleuse Sat 09-May-15 12:53:31

?? I would just make myself something to eat. I dont see this as an issue at all, unless theres a back story?

Branleuse Sat 09-May-15 12:54:42

i dont think that not making you pasta when you were having a lie in and busy/pre-occupied is much of a punishment.

CaptainAnkles Sat 09-May-15 12:59:33

I would have to ask what on earth he had meant by 'opted out'.

Tybaltly Sat 09-May-15 13:00:26

No back story. I think it was the use of "opted out" that annoyed me more than lack of pasta!

TiggieBoo Sat 09-May-15 13:01:22

I don't see the problem. It's not like he's cooked a family meal and left you out? He gave the kids something and he ate leftovers. Still, I don't get the opting out comment.

Lauramum23 Sat 09-May-15 13:10:16

Hell yeah I'd be annoyed!
But then again my dh has cooked bacon sarnies and a few eggs and it looked like a fucking bomb had dropped in the kitchen ffs I thought why do I even ask him do to anything! So then I spent 10 mins cleaning up the shit that hed left everywhere! Sorry did I just bomb your post!?? smile Rant over smile

ImperialBlether Sat 09-May-15 13:13:14

I'd just have cheese on toast and feel smug about the lie in.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile Sat 09-May-15 13:13:49

If I was upstairs relaxing etc I think DH would have just assumed I would prefer to be left alone and would sort my lunch when I came down. The use of 'opted out' would piss me off though!

Gabilan Sat 09-May-15 13:13:59

I would think normal behaviour is to shout upstairs "I'm making pasta for the kids, do you want any?" Does depend on the usual set up but maybe just talk to him and say that in future you'd like it if he checked whether you're eating or not rather than assuming you're "opting out". It sounds a bit sulky on his part (unless there's other stuff going on) which isn't a great way to communicate.

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