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WIBU not to have 'kicked off' more?

(34 Posts)
PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 19:43:13

My DP works abroad and we have been separated for a couple of months. We use whatsapp to keep in contact during the week, usually a mix of telling each other what we've been up to, loving texts and frankly filthy ones grin.

Tonight DP was out with his work colleagues. He barely drinks and had only had a half while everyone else apparently was drunk. (There is a time difference between the country he is in and here.) Anyway, he was texting me in an ordinary way when he suddenly texted 'Thinking about how hard I want to fuck you.' Tbh this wouldn't be an unusual text if we were in a filthy mood blush but it was a bit odd in context, so I questioned him about it abs it turned out one of his colleagues had told him to text me that, and he had. angry

I was pissed off to say the least, but had to go as I was at work and couldn't really talk to him about it. I sent him a curt text saying that I'd appreciate it if he texted me his own thoughts rather than those of others, and then had to stop texting for a couple of hours.

When I came back to my phone after work I found several texts apologising, saying that he realised he had upset me and that he had been out of order. I replied saying that yes, I had been upset, explaining why but thanking him for his apology. He reiterated his apology later when we were texting before he went to sleep, and we ended the conversation normally with lots of lovey dovey stuff.

I am now wondering if I should have made more of a fuss? Tbh I was spitting with rage when it first happened, but when I came back to my phone to find that he had apologised, I was mollified. But WIBU? Was this something I should have made more of? What would you have done in this situation?

SurlyCue Fri 08-May-15 19:48:10

Why would you make more of a fuss? To what end? You told him you didnt like it, he realised this and apologised, you accepted the apology. What else needs to happen? confused

abigamarone Fri 08-May-15 19:49:26

You made your point, he accepted he was wrong - what do you think he should have done, did you want to drag it out a bit longer?

GlitzAndGigglesx Fri 08-May-15 19:50:18


PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 19:50:28

I know, that was my view wink but I just wondered if others might feel this was a 'bigger deal' than I made it (in a feminist/not being objectified kind of way I guess)

DoMeDon Fri 08-May-15 19:51:33

No ywbu. He acted daftly, he realised, he apologised. As long as it was out of character- as in he doesn't usually jump to his mate's orders or try to be a 'geezer'- no harm done.

NRomanoff Fri 08-May-15 19:51:51

What would kicking off more achieved?

He apologised, realised it was a shit thing to do and he upset you and that he had been out of order.

What else would you like?

Mrsstarlord Fri 08-May-15 19:52:15

hmm leave it

atomich01 Fri 08-May-15 19:52:30

It's as big a deal as you and your DP want to make it. As it was - you told him you were upset, he apologised, you accepted it. No big deal!

NRomanoff Fri 08-May-15 19:53:26

Eh? You feel you need to kick off as a feminist as well as, as his partner?

LikeABadSethRogenMovie Fri 08-May-15 19:54:54

Eh?! How is your DP telling you how hard he wants to fuck you got anything to do with feminism and being objectified? He's supposed to want to fuck you. That's kind of the whole point.

He's apologised so move on! Life's too short for this kind of drama.

PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 19:55:03

Of course I'm going to leave it now! It's done with. I suppose I was just mulling it over and thinking that perhaps some women might see this as a massive issue in terms of the lack of respect it implies? I'm probably over-thinking it, since all the replies so far suggest I'm being a bit daft blush

LikeABadSethRogenMovie Fri 08-May-15 19:55:43

Unless, there's a chance that this text wasn't even meant for you in which case that's a whole other kettle of fish.

JillyCoopersGreyhound Fri 08-May-15 19:55:56

It's over, leave it asleep where it lies. He was a prat, you told him he was a prat, he realised he was a prat, he said sorry for being a prat, he's stopped being a prat.

You'd be a bit of a prat if you made a meal of it!

PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 19:56:34

Because he was saying it because his mate told him to? Like, 'oh, you're texting polly. Why don't you tell her how hard you want to fuck her.'

PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 19:57:15

Haha no, it was definitely meant for me.

AnyFucker Fri 08-May-15 19:57:22

how different was this text than your usual "frankly filthy" ones ?

PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 19:58:34

No different and I wouldn't have been upset by it if it weren't for the fact that he told me that his colleague had sort of 'dared' him to text that to me hmm

AnyFucker Fri 08-May-15 19:59:45

strange sort of conversation for "colleagues"

peggyundercrackers Fri 08-May-15 20:00:08

What does it matter what other people feel and think of his text and how you should behave about it? Think for yourself and stop wondering what other people would do.

DoMeDon Fri 08-May-15 20:01:12

I get that his mate telling him to text you then him doing so or him potentially discussing your sexts with mates is a bit knobbish but you don't owe feminism a debt to be paid by kicking him in the cock

YouMeddlingKids Fri 08-May-15 20:12:20

I know exactly what you mean, I'd hate to think DH was having any sort of conversation about me that would involve his mates "daring" him to text me like that. I would feel objectified and massively pissed off. Agree that as long as he genuinely understands why you're angry you might as well leave it now though.

AnyFucker Fri 08-May-15 20:13:24

ask him what he would have done if you had replied in kind

PollyCazaletWannabe Fri 08-May-15 20:15:24

That's a good question AnyFucker. You mean, would he have showed his mate my reply :/

AnyFucker Fri 08-May-15 20:21:40

Well, if what he says is true and he was "put up" to it by his mate then perhaps he would be juvenile (best scenario) or misogynist (worst scenario) enough to do exactly that

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