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to expect dh to actually think!

(12 Posts)
Anydrinkwilldo Thu 07-May-15 20:07:09

Dh work are talking about sending him to San Francisco for work, time period unknown. They have given him date of june 6th to go. Possibly for a week. Upsetting enough EXCEPT I'm 33 weeks pregnant. I'm due 26th June with baby number 3. So I told him I would prefer if he was in the country from 5th June on - I'll be 37 weeks. Now granted I went over on both other pregnancies but had very short labours (less than 2 hours on ds2). So he trudged off into work today to tell them "MY WIFE doesnt want me to go past 5th June" and "MY WIFE Only wants me to go for a week". AIBU to expect him to have a set of balls and say under no circumstances will he leave the country once I'm past 37 weeks and that it's HIS decision not mine!!!!!!!!

MsVestibule Thu 07-May-15 20:14:44

YANBU. Aparts from anything else, it makes him sound like he's under the thumb who always does what his wife tells him; not exactly what I would expect from an employee!

Lavenderice Thu 07-May-15 23:43:39

He told the truth.

AlpacaMyBags Thu 07-May-15 23:46:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kiwiinkits Fri 08-May-15 00:23:25

It will piss me off that he didn't just say to his employer, then and there, sorry June's out for me because we're having our third baby then. Can I go in May or July instead?


BackforGood Fri 08-May-15 00:36:09

Difficult to know without knowing all the other factors.
You've already said you went over with both your first two.
We don't know what other support you have around
We don't know how well you've been in pregnancy and how old / challenging the other 2 dc are
We don't know what the circumstances are around this work in the states - it might be something that's only happening on that date, or it might be something that can be done anytime. It might be your dh is the only one who can do what needs to be done or that there are several options. It might be it's possible to support the work via IT link ups or it might not.

Personally, I'd have preferred dh to go before the baby arrived than once I had a newborn, but maybe that's just me ?

Anydrinkwilldo Fri 08-May-15 13:23:53

Thanks for replies. To answer some questions, I have a lot of support around and have decided I want sil to come to hospital with me if anything happens while he's gone. However my DPs have decided this is not acceptable and that DM will be the one to go even though I don't want her there - she'll stress me out and upset me in the labour ward so I have that to fight yet. Other pregnancies I had spd at the end (and can feel the extreme pressure/pain starting this time again). Ds1 is 3 ds2 is 15 months. It can be done any time up until end of Aug and they've said he will have to go a second time during the summer. I don't mind when baby is here as I will be able to go out to DM and to MIL as I won't have to pay for nursery (ds1 finished mid July in nursery) while I will have to pay even if he isn't there in June.

madreloco Fri 08-May-15 13:26:26

He's hardly going to say its his decision when its not. It's yours.

AuntyMag10 Fri 08-May-15 13:26:44

Yanbu, you and the baby are priority. My dh was rather precious and refused to travel anywhere the entire time blush even though I had support at all times.

Icimoi Fri 08-May-15 13:33:51

Excuse me? How on earth does your DP get to decide who you will have to support you in labour if he's not there? Tell him and, if necessary, your DM that she is not needed.

Icimoi Fri 08-May-15 13:34:41

Sorry, I misread DPs to mean partner - now realise it means parents. But surely they have even less say in who supports you?

Anydrinkwilldo Fri 08-May-15 13:39:32

Icimoi believe me I know, but this is them they've decided who will look after children and everything. Because it's all going to run to their plan anyway!

The thing it its not my decision, I told him 5th June but only if he was ok with this. He realised (after I told him there was no point me even telling him I was in labour as he would be 11 hours away). The reason I wanted him to be vocal that it's his decision is the company have a reputation of walking over people - and have on one or 2 previous occasions told people they are going over for 1/2 weeks and they've been longer over there.

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