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To not want to attend wedding due to leaving baby?

(68 Posts)
purpleteapig Tue 05-May-15 13:44:37

My husband and I are meant to be attending a wedding in a few weeks for one of his friends. It's no kids and we have a 2 year old and a baby who'll be 3 months, so have arranged for family to look after them. It's a 3 hour drive so will involve us staying overnight and we'll be gone about 36 hours.

DH is really looking forward to it and us having some time to ourselves, but I'm starting to dread it and not want to go; mainly because I'm anxious about the baby feeding properly (he's breastfed and although has bottles on occasion, doesn't drink much from them so far) and the fact he's nowhere near sleeping through (usually 2 wake-ups).

DH thinks he'll be fine with our family and will bottle feed enough when there isn't the alternative option of breast feeding, ie he'll be hungry enough to take what he needs. I would like to go as feel pretty drained at the moment and a night away would be nice, but I just keep having images of him screaming his head off while our family are frantically trying to soothe him. Aibu and OTT? I was fine leaving DS1 with my mum o/n about this age but he was bottle fed and a good sleeper...

shewept Tue 05-May-15 13:48:53

YANBU to be worried. But I think you would be unreasonable to not go.

If you trust who you are leaving them with, then trust them and have a good time.

My kids are a 4 and 11, mum takes them away sometimes and I still have a little worry about whether they will miss me or be upset without me. They never are, they are always perfectly fine.

MrsNextDoor Tue 05-May-15 13:51:42

Oh YANBU. And YANBU not to go. 3 months is tiny and not all Mothers are comfortable leaving them. It is YOUR choice. Don't feel pressured.

Blazing88 Tue 05-May-15 13:56:34

I remember reading somewhere on here this useful line.

It's an invitation, not a summons!

If you want to go, go! If you don't, then just don't. Really. It is that simple!

Newquay Tue 05-May-15 14:03:27

Absolutely YANBU - trust your instinct. I doubt you would enjoy yourself if you forced yourself to go. There is no way I could have left either of mine at 3 months. Everyone is different.

toomuchtooold Tue 05-May-15 14:11:57

Some time before the wedding, could you have your family take the baby for maybe a day or overnight, while you stay nearby? You'd get reassurance (or know for sure it won't work!) while also getting an actual rest.

I'm always totally impressed by people who go to weddings for a night off. I find them more exhausting than looking after the kids!

PenguinVox Tue 05-May-15 14:15:47

YANBU. Does your DH know how much pumping you will have to do in the 36 hours you're away just to keep yourself comfortable, prevent blocked ducts etc.

PenguinVox Tue 05-May-15 14:18:01

Have you checked whether the "no kids" applies to babes in arms?

DisappointedOne Tue 05-May-15 14:19:56

I wouldn't go.

All human babies are born premature - they should gestate for 12 months but their heads would be too big for us to give birth to them if they did. So at 3 months your baby should only just have been born. Would you have left them if they had been?

DuelingFanjo Tue 05-May-15 14:24:53

Nope. I wouldn't leave a breastfed 3 month old for 36 hours.

If I were you I'd tell DH to go alone, or go but leave after the ceremony.

jimijack Tue 05-May-15 14:25:40

Really not worth the stress,worry & upset.
I point blank refuse these things. But then I'm a miserable old bugger, know my own mind & if I don't want to do something then I just don't do it.
There will be loads of overnight staying opportunities in the future when you feel ready.

Stubbed Tue 05-May-15 14:26:49

I wouldn't have done it, no. An evening maybe but 36 hours is a long time

NerrSnerr Tue 05-May-15 14:29:24

How many weeks away is the wedding? Would they have confirmed numbers and paid for your meal? If you're going to cancel then do it ASAP.

WhetherOrNot Tue 05-May-15 15:31:14

If you want to go, go! If you don't, then just don't. Really. It is that simple!

Absolutely. And this goes to all future posters, because this questions will get asked again again again and again !

TheOriginalWinkly Tue 05-May-15 15:35:48

I wouldn't do it. My baby was about that age when I was emergency hospitalised overnight, and she did eventually take a bottle, but it took a very long time and a lot of distress to get there. Plus I ended up with agonising blocked ducts. Your baby may well be fine - DD is a particularly stubborn baby! - but personally I wouldn't go that far away for something nonessential with a tiny bottle refuser.

WishUponAStar88 Tue 05-May-15 15:38:18

Yanbu. I would not have left my dd for 36hours at 3months. Have you already rsvp'd? If so that's a bit trickier, perhaps have a word with the bride/ groom to see whether it's too late to amend numbers as imo it is a bit rude to decline after having accepted if the bride and groom have already paid for your place.

Jackiebrambles Tue 05-May-15 15:40:09

I wouldn't have left my DS at 3 months overnight, personally. But then I didn't leave him overnight until he was just over a year old. I went out of course but never stayed over anywhere else.

Won't you be incredibly uncomfortable? If he's EBF you'll need to pump quite a few times I would have thought. Not that this is a problem, you can just do it in your hotel room if handy.

Radyward Tue 05-May-15 15:41:01

Why don't you book a baby sitter at the hotel so your baby will be there for you to breast feed etcetera - it might be expensive but if you and your Dh rarely go out I'd see the extra pounds as justified iykwim especially if your Dh is so looking forward to it and would really love to go

SirChenjin Tue 05-May-15 15:44:15

YANBU. If you don't want to go, don't go - and the idea that your baby will take a bottle if he's hungry enough is simply not true. To keep up your milk supply you'll have to express an awful lot, surely - have you got somewhere where you can do this? Will you be able to express enough before you go (on top of normal breastfeeding) to keep your DS going for 36 hours?

mrsmeerkat Tue 05-May-15 15:48:06

I am not breastfeeding anymore and have two similar I age and I would find it hard. I have never left them. That said maybe you should go and enjoy it. I am severely stressed and lonely at the moment and a night out is badly needed

King1982 Tue 05-May-15 15:48:26

Could you take a family member with you and book them in to the same hotel. Then they can get you if they need help and you can see the baby first thing in the morning

NutellaStraightFromTheJar Tue 05-May-15 15:52:30

I wouldn't leave my 5 month old overnight yet. He's bf and a bottle refuser. Last time I left him with DH for 4.5 hours he wouldn't drink at all and became extremely upset, I felt horrible when I got back, a DH felt horrible at not being able to comfort him. We're turning down a wedding invite for August because I don't think I'll be ready to leave him then either. Mind you, we also have a nearly 3 year old, and he wasn't left overnight until I went into hospital to have DS2, so goodness knows when I'll feel ready this time! On the other hand, I know people whose babies are happy to be left from very young - so much depends on the baby and the parents.

iwantgin Tue 05-May-15 15:54:22

YANBU to not want to leave the baby.

If it were me, I would happily leave the 2 yo - but would want to take the bf 3 month old. Are you quite sure that the baby isn't invited?

Alternatively can you afford to take someone with you to babysit in the same hotel?

But if you aren't comfortable then cancel.

SisterMoonshine Tue 05-May-15 15:58:22

I'd give it a miss.

squoosh Tue 05-May-15 15:59:46

Easy peasy.

Just say no if you don't feel ready. Husband can go by himself.

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