Advanced search

to think these women are just bloody horrible?

(123 Posts)
WilburIsSomePig Mon 04-May-15 10:22:36

DH and I were at an anniversary dinner last night of good friends. It was a smallish do in a lovely restaurant, nice meal etc. We've known them for over 20 years and although we don't live close to each other, see each other several times a year, keep in touch by phone/social media etc. I have met their other friends a few times at parties etc but don't know them well as we live 100 miles away so we don't socialise as a large group or anything.

So we get to the restaurant, all lovely. Except we're made to feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit by a couple of the friends. I say hello and get a tight lipped nod back and then i noticed one woman moving the place cards about so that she was sitting next to her buddy. I was perched on the end next to a pillar.

I chat to one woman (who I've never met before but is very nice) then go to the toilet and after a minute or two I hear two of the woman (place card woman and her pal) come in and say 'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried).

I literally hid in the toilet until they'd gone but I know they'd clocked me coming out and must have known I heard them and there were lots of rolly eyes and smirks. These women are in their 40's, as am l. I'm not usually a mug but I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin my friends' anniversary and now I feel so upset. Not because I want them to like me because I don't need people like that but I barely know them, have done nothing to them and they made me feel like shit. I didn't tell DH either or he would have said something. Why do people have to be so fucking horrible, what do they get out of it?

FunkyPeacock Mon 04-May-15 10:26:39

They sound vile!

AyMamita Mon 04-May-15 10:27:06

Bitches! I would have said something or accidentally spilt red wine on one of them

iwonder24 Mon 04-May-15 10:27:54

Oh they sound horrid and incredibly childish. And you know that but it must still have been horrible for you to be in that situation. Honestly, it's just a reflexion on them - people are only horrible about other people if they feel bad about themselves. They were obviously jealous in some way!

CaptainAnkles Mon 04-May-15 10:29:07

Does your friend know how nasty they being towards you?

skinnyamericano Mon 04-May-15 10:29:12

I'm sorry you had to put up with these overgrown playground bullies.

I too don't understand grown women behaving like this, but please don't let them make you feel rubbish. I'm sure you looked lovely, and whatever you looked like you can be sure that you are one hell of a lot better on the inside than them!

daisychain01 Mon 04-May-15 10:29:32

There are small blessings in life, and your blessing in that they live 100 miles away so you hopefully will never have to socialise with them anymore.

They sound like they have no social awareness, boundaries or self esteem to be so objectionable to a person they have rarely met. I'd see them as figures of pity ....

I'm sure your outfit was just fine, shame they are ugly on the inside!

TalcAndTurnips Mon 04-May-15 10:29:34

Wilbur - that is so sad to hear.

These people are bullies - and probably always were bullies too. All you can comfort yourself with is the speculation that they must feel inadequate in some way, to feel the need to put others down.

You had the dignity to not react to their bullying - they are beneath your contempt.

Mitzi50 Mon 04-May-15 10:29:56


WilburIsSomePig Mon 04-May-15 10:30:10

The thing is, one of them is usually fairly pleasant when I've met her before, if no one else is around. So basically if she has no one else to talk to she'd talk to me. I don't know why I've let it bother me so much.

daisychain01 Mon 04-May-15 10:30:42

Great Xpost skinny grin

skinnyamericano Mon 04-May-15 10:31:08

I think your friend probably talks about you in glowing terms to these friends, so they are jealous of your general loveliness!

PtolemysNeedle Mon 04-May-15 10:31:13

YANBU, they are horrible people. Unfortunately some people are just horrible, and they can only try and make their horrible selves feel better by bringing down others because the conventional way of being nice doesn't work for them.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing Mon 04-May-15 10:31:24

'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried)

That is fucking horrible. Be glad you're not in their "group" - you're too good for them.

WilburIsSomePig Mon 04-May-15 10:31:53

I didn't say anything to our friends I didn't want to spoil their night and it sounds so petty.

AgentProvocateur Mon 04-May-15 10:32:03

They sound hideous. And I bet you looked gorgeous. I'm sorry they spoilt what sounds like an otherwise lovely night. I thought people grew out of that behaviour in their teens.

skinnyamericano Mon 04-May-15 10:32:35

grin daisy

Blueandwhitelover Mon 04-May-15 10:33:05

it bothers you because you are probably a lovely person who wouldn't dream of hurting anyone's feelings! Some people are just mean girls whether they are 18 or 48!

daisychain01 Mon 04-May-15 10:33:07

Next time you meet them, make a point of being really really super-nice. Best smile, make some under-stated compliments, and looking gorgeous and confident.

That'll piss 'em off big-time.

joopy79 Mon 04-May-15 10:33:46

I hate that attitude. Women who have their group of friends and decide they've got enough friends so that the can be vile to anyone outside the group.
I have a similar but less extreme problem with a group of expat friends. My 'friend' says I should come out with them but then never invites me. This week I rang her up to suggest lunch, she invited me to drinks then uninvited me saying it'd be too hard for me to get there! We vaguely arranged to meet today but she's not responding to my messages.
Anyway Wilbur, be thankful you're not one of those women and stick to seeing your friend on her own.

flora717 Mon 04-May-15 10:33:48

Well they really are gems aren't they? You turned up to celebrate a friend's happy event and they were there to stick with who they knew and ridicule those they don't.
I see their social circle dwindling rapidly with that attitude.

AlternativeTentacles Mon 04-May-15 10:33:52

You maybe want to follow up with your friends and suggest if you meet again that it is just the two couples as her friends obviously don't think you were good enough to be in 'their group' and you wouldn't want to have to put them through the pain and trauma again. The poor dears.

FarFromAnyRoad Mon 04-May-15 10:34:15

Oh I wouldn't be able to sit on my hands for this one I'm afraid. I loathe behaviour like that. I'd probably live to regret it but I'd get in touch - maybe via FB so I could block them afterwards - and tell them just how much they'd hurt me. I ask them what they got out of that and if they be happy to find out someone had acted like that to their daughter or sister. I would explain to them that their horrible bitchy pointless chit chat had succeeded in making me feel like shit on what should have been a happy occasion and that actually, I would be talking to the host and explaining that I would be unable to attend any future events at which they were present due to their ghastly conduct. I'd do all of that because there'd be nothing to lose - you already feel like shit so what's the worst that could happen. Also I'm of an age where I no longer give a flying fuck - been that non-confrontational person for too long - but I understand you might not be like that. Gird your loins and let the fuckers know - it might just make them think.
Hope you feel better soon.

derxa Mon 04-May-15 10:34:49

What a pair of fucking cunts. Were they drunk? Were they jealous because you are older friends to the anniversary friend? Take the moral high ground. You would never do this because you are a much better person. Btw Try not to run yourself down. Vent away on here. Someone else will give some good advice.

WilburIsSomePig Mon 04-May-15 10:36:19

I do think sometimes that some people seem to be almost gleeful about putting someone down. I can't imagine how it makes them feel good.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: