The aftermath of a relationship ending and a bereavement led to some slightly zen-like thinking earlier this year and on something of a whim, I trilled 'travel!' as my cure-all solution to my life being rather aimless and (if I am to be entirely honest here) lonely.
As such, with flights booked - I am now finding myself in two minds about whether or not I want to go.
I'll try to explain. Since deciding on this as my goal in the short term I have been working flat out to fund it. Obviously, because we humans are contrary creatures and always want the opposite to what we have, I longed for quiet days filled with nothing but films, books, walks - my time was so busy that the thought of a 17 hour flight sounded great! I could picture myself doing the things I dreamed of.
It's as if reality has slapped me across the face. I now don't think I am being particularly zen-like or hippyish or whatever I thought I was being; I think I was being a massive twat Here are my 'worries'.
Long stretches of time alone tend to make me feel down and depressed. Before anybody comments on this as being a personality failure on my part, I can assure you it isn't: I am used to being alone - have always lived alone since being 17 (bar a few times at university with housemates) and generally get on with things. That's the problem: it isn't anything new or different. It is just going to be me, on the other side of the world, alone. Why have I spent thousands on this?
Then there's practical considerations. For instance, when I'm on the beach, I won't be able to swim as I'll have to leave my purse, phone, hotel key, whatever I needed to take out with me, on the sand. Where it may get swiped and leave me hotel-less, phone-less. I'll be surrounded by romantic couples and happy families. When I do the sightseeing bits I won't have anybody to talk about them with and marvel at and have conversations about. I'll look at them and then be - hmm.
A lot of the 'nice' stuff people do when away will be shut off to me. I will have to ask people to take photographs of me which I find deeply embarrassing - it seems very self obsessed and slightly narcissistic - failing that or endless selfies (worse?) I will have to rely on takeaway and the cuisine of local shops (I really don't feel comfortable eating alone, bizarrely - I'm fine with sitting with a coffee and a book alone but not having a 'meal" in a restaurant.)
I guess I'm looking for reassurance that this can be done and be enjoyable - although I'd be grateful if people who DO travel alone don't see this as in any way a judgement on them; I'm just not entirely convinced it's going to be for me.
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Am I BU? Travel alone
108 replies
Goldenmilk · 04/05/2015 09:09
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