I have something of a fraught relationship with my DB, don't really know SIL all that well but we don't get on particularly well. There is a lot of back story to my relationship with DB, but a lot of it is related to his behaviour towards me (and my parents) in his mid-teens and early twenties (alcohol and drug related, but also a lot of deceit and aggression). I find SIL very odd- no motivation to do anything with her life but always moaning that she isn't happy where they live/with her job etc. Whenever she's been to visit me or my parents, she has been quite stand-offish and has to be coaxed into being pleasant.
It was my dad's 65th birthday today and we had organised a bit of a birthday do for family and close friends, at my parent's house. My gran (dad's DM) was being brought by one of my aunts, it's a bit of a drive and she is quite frail so the plan was always that she'd only be staying for a few hours and then she go home. She doesn't like staying away from home or she could have stayed the night. Dad has had a serious illness recently and so he hasn't seen as much of his mum as would normally be the case.
The plan was for me to pick up my brother, SIL and 2 nephews to take them to my parents for the party and drive them back down on Monday (I have to drive that way on Monday for a conference, so it's only a bit out of they way). They don't have a car, and apparently can't get the train for various reasons. I agreed to this as a favour to my parents. It's a 2 and a bit hour journey each way. I arranged to pick brother and nephews up at 11am this morning. SIL was being picked up from work about 11:30.
Just before I was due to arrive, my brother phoned me to say they had left the car seats at his PIL so I had to divert to their house (1/2 across town from my brothers). When I got to my brother's house, they still weren't ready. 15 minutes later my brother announced he needed to go to the supermarket (4 streets away) as they needed nappies for my youngest nephew and needed to get something for Dad's birthday as they hadn't managed to get round to doing this yet. Agreed to this, but was a bit cross tbh. Then went to pick up SIL, who then said "oh, can I take in [youngest nephew] to see my work colleagues?". I said that I'd prefer it if they did it another time as we were running late. She sort of huffed and said she needed to take him in to change his nappy but would be back quickly. Queue 20 minutes later, still not back. Brother went in to see what was wrong- she was busy showing him off to her colleagues after all. I was quite cross, and it was probably obvious- we were now running over an hour late. Half way through the journey, oldest nephew and SIL decide they are hungry and need to stop to get something- neither of them had thought to bring something to eat for the journey apparently. So now we were running really late.
Eventually arrive, late for food and have also managed to miss most of gran's visit, which I had been looking forward to. She was disappointed too- and also sad that she hadn't seen much of my nephews, as she doesn't see them often. Brother proceeds to stuff himself on the food, leaving little for me as I had been trying to get things sorted. I pointed this out and he just shrugged and said "oops". SIL sat with "a face like fizz" and moped. She also spent much of the afternoon sniping about various things (e.g. she thinks all children who go to private school are brats- my DD goes to one). They also started talking about the unfairness of my late grandmother's will- she left a significant amount of money to me and money in trust for DD'e education but didn't leave anything to them for various reasons. Then started talking about putting "dibs" in on various things belonging to my parents now. Not in dad's hearing, but mum did have to point out that it was my brother's own fault that things turned out this way and it wasn't appropriate to discuss it at this time.
I was really annoyed about this conversation and being messed around- I said so to my brother who thought I was over-reacting. He thought the stuff about mum and dad's stuff was a joke (if it was, I didn't think it was funny). We had a bit of a fight after everyone else had gone and I said they could make their own way home on Monday, as I wasn't putting myself out for 2 rude, ungrateful people. I'd take them to the nearest train station, but they could sort themselves out from there. Brother says they can't afford the train tickets, I said they should have thought of that before being so rude (not that they even offered to contribute to my petrol cost, BTW). Dad thinks I should take them as I agreed, and is upset that I have said I won't.
So AIBU? I am just so cross that they have been so crass and rude, then don't even have the grace to apologise and act like I'm the one in the wrong, while they are the injured party. The thing is, when it comes to my brother I sometimes can't see the wood for the trees and can over-react, so would appreciate some perspective. AIBU?
Sorry for the rant.
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AIBU?
DB/SIL- AIBU? need some perspective
155 replies
jacks11 · 02/05/2015 21:47
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
02/05/2015 21:54
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