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To be just a little bit annoyed? I'm not being unreasonable, surely (wedding related)

(58 Posts)
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 10:08:17

So, dh has a lovely friend who I like a lot. He's very disorganised and wants to make everyone happy, and there's no way on earth that we're going to fall out with him over this because it would be daft.

But am I unreasonable to be a little pissed off by the following?

Dh and I had a very small wedding (literally us and the dcs and our parents). It was lovely. But we always planned to have a sort of reception later on. This year one of us has a significant birthday, and it seemed like a great idea to have a big party and finally celebrate both the birthday and our wedding with our nearest and dearest.

So we send out invites and straight away dh's friend (who I shall call Albert) gets back to us saying, "I'm so sorry! I meant to say sooner! That's the date we've picked for our wedding". Unfortunately he had told the friends he sees more regularly, so essentially a load of mutual friends were already booked.

On the one hand we didn't want to lose any of the people who were coming, on the other, this was one of dh's oldest friends and we wanted both to go to his wedding, and for them to come to our party.

So dh discussed it with Albert who was very apologetic. He clarified that yes we were all invited (dcs too) since we'd have no childcare that weekend and we said we'd see what we could do.

So we called all the people who had said they would come, and luckily they were all able to do our alternative date. And then we called all those who hadn't rsvp'd yet, and let them know the new date. And we sent out revised invitations. And it was a hassle, but it was worth it, and all was well.

Then Albert said he couldn't come to the new date either as they were going to go on holiday.

It was a shame, but not the end of the world. We still got to go to the wedding.

Now, Albert had booked out the hotel and had promised us two rooms for the dcs. But knowing Albert as we do, I asked dh to message him to just double check that was really happening.

We got a reply back saying "just one room, no space for non-family dcs".

Now I don't object to that in theory, but he'd bloody told us they were invited! Dh even double checked! We have it in writing and everything grin

We moved everything and now there's a good chance that we won't be able to make it anyway! Even if we get a babysitter my youngest will only be 5 months and BF.

The good thing is that other friends who are attending the wedding will now be coming to our party. So there are definite silver linings.

But am I being unreasonable to think that Albert is a bit of a wankbadger?

3luckystars Sat 02-May-15 10:13:06

Just forget about him and enjoy your party. I would be glad he was away for it, that's just mean to invite people and then change your mind, he doesn't sound like a friend at all.
He's a ghoul.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 10:22:25

He's not a ghoul, I suspect that he's not doing much of the organising, and has been saying things without consulting his dp.

We will definitely enjoy the party smile

It's the uninviting that irritates me. We made plans based on it.

blushingbooty Sat 02-May-15 10:22:39

Sounds like he's very disorganise.

Can you get 2 rooms close by? Like Premier inn or something?

Just enjoy your own party and don't rely on him to organise. It's bad luck he arranged his wedding for the same time as your birthday/reception but at least now your friends can come.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 10:23:37

He's booked out the two hotels in the town so we couldn't even arrange an onsite babysitter.

He is a muppet.

blushingbooty Sat 02-May-15 10:25:17

So wait has he now uninvited your kids to the wedding or just not booked a room?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 10:26:04

Uninvited them sad

blushingbooty Sat 02-May-15 10:26:22

Xposted, so is it just the room or are the kids uninvited to the whole thing?

Topseyt Sat 02-May-15 10:27:56

Have you tried contacting the hotel about the problem?

How old are your older children? I take it you need adjoining, neighbouring or adjacent rooms.

He is probably well meaning. Perhaps he just has a poor memory and is too disorganised for that sort of task.

I see no harm in telling him tactfully that he did write to invite the kids and that you will reluctantly have to back out if it can't be adhered to.

I guess he has no children yet, so no idea of what a military operation it is to get anywhere with littlies in tow?

blushingbooty Sat 02-May-15 10:28:06

That's very rude, I'd probably just cancel since now you've no room and need childcare, unless you can find childcare and want too.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 02-May-15 10:29:41

He's a bit of a nob. It sounds like he hadn't thought things through or checked with his partner before inviting you all

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 10:32:27

Funnily enough, Albert does have dcs with his dp. I would have been less surprised if he was childless.

We haven't decided what we're going to do yet. I just wanted to have a bit of a vent smile

PastPerfect Sat 02-May-15 10:34:07

Just forward him the email that he sent confirming DC were invited and say that now plans have changed you'll gave to decline.

Doesn't sound like a great loss tbh

Topseyt Sat 02-May-15 10:48:29

Probably if he has no children he also doesn't realise that even if you don't take them with you, it is still a military operation to get childcare organised.

RandomMess Sat 02-May-15 10:52:47

I would just take the youngest with you tbh, you've got a room there if baby is miserable/noisy you can slope off - very different to taking older dc that need a place setting and keeping an eye on as they wander around etc.

Topseyt Sat 02-May-15 10:55:37

Cross posted there. He just sounds like a Muppet.

Show him his email saying you could bring them. Say you will have to reluctantly back out if it can't be adhered to.

He is probably just being chaotic, but this sort of muppetry is actually quite rude. He should have checked and then called you if there was likely to be a problem.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 10:59:53

Unfortunately, my lovely parents are having my nephews and nieces for that weekend. So I don't have any childcare available that I would trust overnight (the next youngest is only 18 months).

I'm happy for dh to go alone. It'd be a shame if he missed it. He's his oldest friend.

I think he's fully aware that he's messed up. It's all so blooming farcicle. What a waste of time.

DinosaursRoar Sat 02-May-15 11:03:20

I agree, send back his email confirming that the DCs were invited (can you Cc in his DP who maywell have no idea) saying that unfortunately, if he's changed his mind that your DCs are no longer invited, it's unlikely youll be able to come.

He might be 'lovely' but he is an adult, one who's a parent, and has caused other people problems by his disorganisation. Prehaps if people like you stopped protecting him from the negative concequences of being disorganised, he might start acting like a grown up, rather than a little boy who messes up and then is charming so you all put up with it and 'the grown ups' sort out the mess he's made.

You can't go without your DCs, so you can't go. He's made this situation. He just won't have all his friends with him for his wedding.

eddielizzard Sat 02-May-15 11:05:37

well he's clearly not the one who should be organising anything!

very annoying, but sounds like he knows he's fucked up. so, i'd do my best to go, because his heart is in the right place. but your dh may have to go on his own and it is very disappointing all round really.

shame, you sound lovely though. make sure you do something nice for yourself that evening too.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 11:08:22

Thanks eddie.

I was looking forward to it too.

Never mind smile it's not the end of the world by any means. I just want to give him a shake!

PoppyBlossom Sat 02-May-15 11:14:16

You say he's your husbands oldest friend, does your husband have any role in the wedding? Maybe this is one of those wake up moments where you realise the relationship is something different for the other person, less important.

I couldn't deal with such an incompetent person, he's a grown up making promises he can't keep, that makes him rude in my book.

wonkylegs Sat 02-May-15 11:15:38

I suggest something like this The complete idiots guide to getting organised for a wedding present

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 11:17:10

Poppy, good point. They are old friends but haven't seen each other so much in the past few years since we moved further away.

It is rude. Maybe they don't actually want us there.

DinosaursRoar, I agree with you too.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 02-May-15 11:17:24

Wonky grin

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 02-May-15 11:33:47

I think I'd find it difficult to send him anything other than "oh for fuck's sake, we're not going to be able to come now. Enjoy your poxy wedding."

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