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(14 Posts)
MrsCK Sat 02-May-15 02:42:47

This evening I read a blog post shared by the charity 'Count the Kicks'. This blog post, in a nutshell, discussed the question every new mum gets asked..are you breast or bottle? The blog then goes on to discuss a hierarchy of mothers with the breastfed cloth nappied at the top and the lowly formula fed disposables at the bottom.

I then see a new mum friend of mine on Facebook ask her friend if she is breast or bottle. This poor new mummy then, on a very public place, justified her decision to bottle feed whilst her so called friend bangs on about EBF.

So here it is mummies and all other people asking that same fucking question over and over again. What on earth do you gain from finding out that information? seriously. how does it benefit you knowing what way my baby gets hid calories? because, intentionally or not, by asking that question you help add to this hierarchy where new mums feel judged no matter how they feed.

I for one am done. It's exactly this social pressure that has kept me breastfeeding over the past 4 months. it's also the same fucked up pressure that's meant I've felt guilty for topping up, that I tried to get off the top ups and felt like I'd finally made it when I could use that abbreviation of EBF and apply it to my feeding. It's the same pressure that made me determined to 'EBF' and despite his weight plummeting. and it's that same pressure that had me in tears because actually he's now on the 0.4th percentile, his ribs are showing and he's still wearing newborn.

how am I feeding now?

none of your damned business.

Next time you go to ask that question...just don't.

kissmethere Sat 02-May-15 03:32:44

It's been a while since I've breastfed, children are grown, but I could never get involved with all the debate about this and I did witness a lot of turned up my noses at women who bottle fed. Isn't the most important thing that your child is being fed? Breast or bottle?
When I stopp breast feeding I couldn believe re reaction of some people. I just thought "oh F off" my child is loved and fed and I had my reasons to stop.
I'm guilty of asking a friend tonight if she was breastfeeding only to see if she was up for drinking at a party we were at. She wasn't, we had a great night.
However, yes yanbu.

daffsandtulips Sat 02-May-15 03:45:07

I bottle fed from the off purely because I wanted to. I also wrote this on my birth plan in BOLD. I totally get your anger. Its no one elses business. Happy mum, happy baby. I put it down in bold on my birth plan too. Tell them to get lost. My son is a strapping young adult now.

daffsandtulips Sat 02-May-15 03:45:58

Oops repeated that due to being rather pissed off about it grin

Trunkisareshite Sat 02-May-15 03:58:03

I saw this on my FB feed. Brilliant charity but some of the followers are morons from what I've seen.

FWIW I don't care how anyone feeds thier child as long as they do indeed feed it! I think the overwhelming majority feel the same and a lot of women's issues around FF are self inflicted 'guilt' brought on by the assumption that people care/ judge more than they actually do.

From what you have written you need to either see a specialist BF support worker or give more top ups/ switch to as EBF clearly isn't working for your baby.

How you feed your child in the early days is such a tiny part of motherhood, don't get sucked into feeling judged or guilty or anything else negative.

If you do FF just do it, no one decent will care- you should be pleased that you live in a country with clean running water so you can do so 100% safely and just get in with enjoying your baby!

PrincessUnicorn Sat 02-May-15 04:14:16

I've breast fed both my children, I plan on breastfeeding child number 3 as well.
I am very pro breastfeeding and I do believe it is best, for my children. It makes no difference to me how you, Or anyone else feeds their children, that is up to you and them. Anyone who tries to make others feel like crap for their choices are asshats.

daffsandtulips Sat 02-May-15 04:18:38

Im pro doing what makes the mother happy regardless of her reasons. I disliked having something inside of me, squashing my organs out of the way etc. no way was I going to have him sucking off of me grin It was my choice and how dare anyone think they are better than me for breastfeeding.

No1warnedme Sat 02-May-15 06:40:25

I am currently ebf my preemie dc2, and am really enjoying it. With my dc1, I ebf for 4 painful, stressful, awkward, and isolating months before I 'gave up' and bottle fed her. It felt like giving up to me because I was so desperate for it to work. Dd, however, just did not thrive or settle and feeding time was horrible for both of us. This time round, I was (and and - he's still very new) prepared to switch to bottles the second it seemed like neither of us were enjoying it, but so far, it's been fab. Incidentally, I combine disposables and cloth nappies... I like to take advantage of both worldsgrin
I would ask another mum whether she was breast or bottle to get an idea of what she might be going through, what shared experiences we might have. It's a bit like on freshers week at uni when everyone asks what a - levels you did.. no one really cares all that much, it just opens up conversation.

MagelanicClouds Sat 02-May-15 06:58:29

I always have a little quiet moment when the breast/bottle debate starts around me. I tried to ebf my first, failed as my milk just didn't come in very quickly and I could never seem to get enough in him. He was happier with formula, as was I - no more bring left feeling like I'd been kicked in the chest.
My second - he just took to me feeding him and hated formula, wouldn't take a bottle, would spit formula out. Ended up feeding him for a year.
The reason I 'take a quiet moment' is that they haven't followed the rules - dc1 us tall, very healthy, hardly ill and usually throws off anything he does catch very fast. He has no autoimmune issues.
Dc2 is small, seems to catch any bug going and always badly, he also has bad eczema.
Can't help but think how I fed them really has little to do with it.
Yanbu, new mums don't need to be guilt tripped.

iLoveFlop Sat 02-May-15 07:04:53

God, BF v FF comes up every week. It's such a boring subject, nobody actually gives a shit how you feed your baby.

Happy mummy, happy baby is such a ridiculous phrase too.
Drinking a bottle of wine tonight would make me happy indeed, probably not my (bf) baby. It's just silly.

shewept Sat 02-May-15 07:17:36

This whole thing is ridiculous. I bf my first for 5 weeks. Then I was admitted to hospital and put on morphine. My milk dried up. I have bottle fed my second.

I hate this debate. It's no one's business. And in my head the women who ebf And ask this sort of question, only do so to make themselves appear to be better mothers and this pisses me off.

I wish women would just leave other women alone and stop trying to get one up on other all the time. Obviously not all women are like this, but there are a lot.

It's why I hate the sham / working mum debate too. Do what's best for you and let everyone else get on with what's best for them.

shewept Sat 02-May-15 07:18:35

Fucking auto correct sahm not sham

MrsCK Sat 02-May-15 08:45:58

Exactly. I'm so glad to not feel alone in this.

Don't get me wrong. this absolutely is not a ff v bf debate. it's more about the judgement chucked onto mums mainly by mums for their choices.

Silvercatowner Sat 02-May-15 09:04:15

But threads like this generally do descend into a bf vs ff debate. It is the way of the world and it is deeply yawnsome. Its all been said before.

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