To be fed up with people insisting I will have so much free time when DD goes to school

[TheAssassinsGuild]

I am a part time student/SAHM. DD is at nursery 3 days a week. The hours are 8 - 6, she gets breakfast, lunch and tea. No half term or school holidays - they close for about 3 weeks a year (plus bank holidays). When she is at nursery I get a full day to do whatever it is that I need to do.

When she goes to school, yes it will be 5 days a week, but the hours are considerably shorter. I have to factor in breakfast and tea (obviously). And then there's all the sodding school holidays.

How does this add up to me having more 'free time'?!?!?!

It's not childless people who comment on the life of leisure I will be leading, that I could understand. It's people with kids, and young kids, who should know that the transition from nursery to school can be a bit of a shock to the system. When I patiently point out what will actually happen, they look bemused and seem not to really 'get it'.

I'm getting really fucked off with it to be honest. Not only the false assumption that I will have more time at my disposal, but the implication that this time will be 'free' and I will be lounging around and 'won't have anything to do'. 'What on earth are you going to do with yourself?' is a question I get asked. I'm working flipping hard on my studies (postgrad research), as well as shouldering the vast majority of childcare and domestic stuff. Nope. Can't imagine what I might be filling my days with.

Or is it me? Am I missing something? Will I be bored out of my mind as the endless hours crawl by...???

[elliejjtiny]

YANBU. People are saying this to me about DS3, who starts school in September and I will still have my youngest 2 at home. You only have loads of extra free time if you were a full time SAHM before they start school and continue to be a full time SAHM afterwards. And even then it's only the case if the child didn't go to nursery before school.

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

It's different free time - instead of three long days you'll have five shorter days without DD. For some people this would be more useful, for others not

[madreloco]

You have lots of free time now and you'll have lots then. You fill it with whatever you choose.
Sounds like you're in a very good position and frankly have little to be complaining about, especially people making small talk especially when they are right

[strawberrypenguin]

Well it is 'free time' some people work during the day and have to do all those extra jobs around the house too!

[Yarp]

Maybe the people talking to you are making small talk and aren't as knowledgeable about the ins and outs of your timetable as you are.

[SurlyCue]

My exMIL told me that i was now "redundant" when ds2 started nursery school aged 3 for 3 hours a day

[BlackeyedSusan]

300 hours. per year difference. minus three hundred hours.

[TheAssassinsGuild]

I am doing stuff during the day - I'm doing postgrad research.

[Strictly1]

Without meaning to sound harsh, if that's your biggest worry you should be laughing

[catgirl1976]

I have to agree it does sound like you have lots of free time now and will have lots of free time then, with the possible exception of school holidays.

You could always do breakfast and after school club too?

[Duckdeamon]

Yes you will have less time then than now, but still a lot of time compared to many.

[TheAssassinsGuild]

Yarp - that's why I'm whinging and saying I'm starting to find it fucking annoying here, rather than being rude to people who ask me!

Surly - how nice for you

Blackeyed - sorry, don't get your point?

[SpiceAddict]

Yabu to be so annoyed, these people presumably don't know that you are studying. If you were a sahm you would have more time when your child starts school.

[DoJo]

Perhaps they're assuming your studies will come to an end soon - will they continue for the whole time you're daughter's at school?

[Fauxlivia]

I am a sahm to school age dc and I find plenty to do - the school day goes by very quickly and picking up at 3.30 instead of 6 would severely curtail freedom during the day, especially if you were used to the latter or live miles from anywhere useful so have to factor in travel times.

[Yarp]

The trouble is, starting a thread on her may well end up making you more annoyed ...

[Yarp]

here not her

[AndWhenYouGetThere]

There are breakfast clubs and afterschool clubs if you want her to do full days occasionally.

[nottheOP]

You seem very angry!

[Annunziata]

Can't believe you are moaning about having to give your child breakfast and tea

It's small talk, stop getting so insulted by it. You just sound childish.

[murmuration]

I'm assuming Blackeyed meant you actually will have 300 hours less child-free time once factoring in holidays? It seems to me the weekly hours would be about the same (10x3 now, 5x6 later?), and the difference is that the school has (10?) weeks when the kids don't go.

So, yes, YANBU to be annoyed. Maybe you could respond by saying something like, actually it will be harder to fit studying in because there will be less time without her...

[NorahDentressangle]

I agree, could never understand the go back to work once DC starts school mentality, unless you have a DP who can pick up the slack, collecting from school, sah in hols.

[TheAssassinsGuild]

Strictly - believe me, I wish this were my biggest worry. It isn't. I have many, much bigger and more serious fish to fry, but I can also be irritated by this.

I think one of the reasons I react the way I do to these comments, is because I am concerned about getting my MPhil finished. I was doing a PhD and then had a lot of serious health problems after I had DD. I had to take almost 4 years off. For a variety of reasons, when I came back to it, I decided to 'downgrade' it to an MPhil. I have to be finished by September 2016. There have been times when I thought I wasn't going to get it finished at all and would just have to abandon it. For a couple of months, due to supervision problems and a university cock up, it looked like an MPhil wouldn't be an option and I'd still have to jack the whole thing in. I'm trying to get all my fieldwork finished this year and hope to just be writing up next year. I have to be finished by September 2016. I guess, because this will be a new way of life once DD goes to school, I am really scared that I won't have enough time to get it done. For lots of reasons the MPhil is really important to me - not least because it signifies getting 'me' back after what was an absolutely horrible and devastating few years of ill health. I'm hoping it will also get me back into the workforce.

[ahbollocks]

See I would take it as time to myself; ie no little person hanging off your leg all day, space to clean and think without shouting noo every few minutes

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

The reason people get annoyed about this is because sahms looking after children full time do have much more free time once their kids all go to school. That has to be the case. Even if they still do the cooking, cleaning, bill paying etc, they still have much more free time that working parents who also do the cooking, cleaning, bill paying etc. Doesn't make either choice more or less valid.

But it sounds like people are just making conversation. Went are you so defensive? You obviously work hard and have made life choices which suit you. You will have slightly more free time but you're busy studying. So I don't understand why it bothers you so much.