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AIBU to feel so angry about these text messages between DH and business partner

(60 Posts)
thinkingofayear Fri 01-May-15 12:35:39

My DH and I set up a business together 5 years ago, I basically did all the admin and bits that nobody else really wanted to do full time hours. I was paid whatever the minimum is for director and I owned 50% of the company (£640 a month i think) not a huge amount but I did it to help DH and we share all income anyway so it wasnt a huge issue.

At Christmas my DH went away with someone we worked with for a business meeting and when he came back for whatever reason he had decided to hand one third of the company to him. I could have said no but tbh I DH convinced me otherwise. So we then had a 1 third share of the company each.

A couple of months ago I found out I was pregnant and I have been really really sick not able to go in. I have done some work from home but fewer hours. Today I logged into my computer which DH shares and the messenger popped up on dhs account since he was logged in last and the last messages were from the business partner to dh moaning that I had still been getting money when I was off and still had share implying that because I was pregnant and off now and going to be off in the future I should not and should get no money. He called me on the way home last night to moan that we needed to spend less which was now I see obviously brought on by this.

We have taken a MASSIVE cut in income since christmas we used to have a good income now it is down to £1600 a month - without my 600 it would be less that £1000. Yet DH did not defend me saying anything like " well it is her company as well" or " she did spend the last 5 years helping to set this up maybe letting her stay off when she has been so sick she has made her throat bleed is just ok..."

This week I was supposed to have a consultants appointment but I had to cancel because we didnt have £5 to get there. Yet dh seems to think that we "take too much money". The business is making ok money I know that so I dont understand why this is such a MASSIVE issue and why I now have to take iron supplements because I couldnt afford to increase meat etc in my diet when I needed to...

I am so bloody close to just calling them up and blowing my top about it. I just dont know if I am being unreasonable to be taking it so badly. I feel like just telling them to take the company and fuck off but all that will do is take away what I have anyway.

I cant even go back now from being ill as the income has gone down so much we can no longer cover childcare - I am stuck and feel like I am being attacked from all directions

AIBU to go shit crazy!?

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 01-May-15 12:38:59

There is something not right here. Why on earth would your DH just 'give away' a third of the business? Surely he got some capital investment in return?

And there's no way this business partner should be talking in this way about a co-director.

What hold does this partner have over your DP?

Smartiepants79 Fri 01-May-15 12:41:36

Why has the income dropped so much? Do you know?
Do you think something funny is going on with the other guy. You say the company makes good money so where does it go?

thinkingofayear Fri 01-May-15 12:42:44

My dh got the other persons clients in return (he was a free lancer and had a few but not a huge number of clients). The problem is he doesnt see me as anything other than DHs wife which is clear from the texts and DH did nothing to correct him at all.

Before christmas we moved office and I put £7000 of my own money in to the business I am just gobsmacked that my DH has not said " hang on 1 minute" to him. I am off and I will be off, I make no apologies about that especially not to my DH ffs I just feel crazy with anger.

Bakeoffcake Fri 01-May-15 12:44:04

Did this man put some money into the business? I agree with OhNo, and am confused as to why someone whorl give away a third of their business to someone he met at a conference.

Regarding the email- no you shouldn't be giving up your salary. You need to start standing up for yourself.

thinkingofayear Fri 01-May-15 12:44:47

Basically the income has dropped because bringing the new person in has not increased the income at all but it has increased costs plus it has meant we now have another person to pay so our income has gone down because it has gone to him.

Koalafications Fri 01-May-15 12:45:40

Why would your DH just give away a third of the company? Why weren't you consulted on this?

Why is your DH not defending you?

Bakeoffcake Fri 01-May-15 12:46:39

Sorry x posted.

You really need ot have a very serious chat with your Dh, then maybe a meeting with both of them, where you make clear your involvement in setting up the business AND keeping it going.

thinkingofayear Fri 01-May-15 12:46:47

no he didnt put any money into the business apart from what was brought in terms of work from the clients he had. Sorry I wasnt clear! They didnt meet at a conference we worked with the person as a freelancer for quite a while they then went away on a trip together for this meeting and when they came back they had decided this between them - so we did know him before.

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 01-May-15 12:48:10

If the new person has not increased revenue he should not be in the business! I don't understand this at all. Your DH is giving away your money and his own money and a third of the business to someone who is not bringing in revenue!

You need to get legal advice and get rid. Your DH (and you) appear to have been taken for mugs and a ride....

ohdearitshappeningtome Fri 01-May-15 12:48:21

Just to add further, as an employee of this company aren't you entitled to maternity pay/leave ?

Bakeoffcake Fri 01-May-15 12:49:03

You could also send an email stating you may need your 7000 pounds back ASAP. That should make them both sit up and listen to you.

AnyFucker Fri 01-May-15 12:50:09

What ?

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 01-May-15 12:50:28

And your business was 5 years old when your DH just gave away a third of it????!!! You had a solvent, successful business and a third of it was surely worth a significant sum.

I'm truly shock at your DH. You need to start taking steps to protect your investment and your future.

ImperialBlether Fri 01-May-15 12:51:14

My head would fucking explode if I were in that situation.

How dare your husband act like this? How dare that other partner act like that? God, I'd be screaming at them.

You need a formal meeting, I think. Get your facts written down and go in armed for combat.

ImperialBlether Fri 01-May-15 12:52:01

And your DH seems to have no bloody business sense whatsoever.

PacificDogwood Fri 01-May-15 12:52:21

I think YOU need to take the initiative here - don't wait for your husband to make clear to the 3rd party what your 'status' in the company is.

Do you have any kind of partnership agreement? Anything that legally puts down sickness leave, annual leave, how disagreements get dealt with etc etc?

You are all equal share company directors and all decisions/discussions/gripes should be taken by the 3 of you.

I'd reply myself: "It's good to be missed. I hope my poor health will not get in the way of working for company in the future. I looked in to how much it would cost to outsource my admin work/whatever else you are doing for x hrs/week for the market cost of an administrator of xx£/hr (I have no idea) and it would cost the company more. I propose a meeting in which all shareholders of our concern can air their views."

Or something like that - I am not v good at this shit.

Get a legal partnership agreement drawn up asap - it can be costly, but usually less costly than trying to sort things out when disagreements occur.

thinkingofayear Fri 01-May-15 12:52:59

Yes ohdear i should be entitled to maternity pay/leave in a few months.

Bakeoff I could also ask for the £4000 my father gave me to pay off a tax debt we had unexpectedly. Before this I had no problem doing that as it was me and dh and our family business but I see the game has changed now sad.

I think I am more upset about my dh not saying anything than anything else!

CSIJanner Fri 01-May-15 12:53:08

Was this give away conditional ie lets give it 6months or 1year and is there legal paperwork to support the 1/3 being handed over for clients?

whatlifestylechoice Fri 01-May-15 12:53:12

So your DH gave away a third of your company to someone who is not now making any money? Your overheads have gone up and your revenue has stayed the same?

I would be having a long, serious discussion with your DH as to how he proposes to correct his very costly mistake and how to get back yor share from the prick he gave it to.

FenellaFellorick Fri 01-May-15 12:53:56

He gave away a third of a business for a crappy few clients? Is he NUTS? PLEASE tell me there is a formal agreement in place at least that sets out the terms under which the third will be transferred and what the monetary value is and expectations and targets that must be met!

plantsitter Fri 01-May-15 12:53:58

I would not be calling them to talk about it, i would be sending a very calm, clear and concise email putting everything you have done financially for the business and detailing all the work you've done. Say you accidentally saw these messages, that you have been off sick with pregnancy related illness, and if this guy sexually discriminating against you - should you be taking steps to get your investment back?

Send it to your DH and tell him if he doesn't send it to the new bloke, you will.

What a cock.

ItBoilsMyPiss Fri 01-May-15 12:54:45

What the fuck? None of that makes any sense to me whatsoever. He gave away a third of the company without consulting his other partner (you) and gained absolutely naff all? More clients but less money? Its weird. Very weird.

TwartFaceBeetj Fri 01-May-15 12:57:11

If the new partner is now costing your business money and effectively losing money then, the other partner should be asked to leave with or without his clients.
I don't know what sort of contract was signed between them. But it seems like a ridiculous situation.

At the very least you need to seek legal advice. It sounds like this new partner is very persuasive and your partner quite weak.

KissMyFatArse Fri 01-May-15 12:58:08

He 'gave' this person a third?! Your husband sounds like a bit of a walkover when it comes to this other guy tbh.

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