To find gift lists for weddings fair enough but gift lists for baby showers completely grabby?

[BeanCalledPickle]

Just that really. I've been to loads of weddings. Majority have john Lewis or similar gift lists. Range of gifts and prices. No issue with that whatsoever. Buy them something they actually want or need and job done.

Gift list for baby showers seems to be more and more common and really winds me up. I don't really know why. Maybe because I would have found it cringe worthy myself, or because I don't like buying for a baby that's not yet here or maybe because the most recent one was full of things like 25 quid sleep suits and 30 quid blankets that I would never dream of buying.

The baby shower list was circulated on the basis that people have asked what's needed and this means we won't 'waste our money' and of course don't feel obliged etc. But it still winds me up.

Am I being unreasonable to think wedding lists are fine but baby shower gift lists are just too much?

[CountingThePennies]

I think they are both grabby.

I also think 2nd and 3rd weddings shouldnt even expect anything

[hullabaloo234]

No, you most definitely aren't unreasonable! I find baby showers a pretty grim idea anyway (currently 34 wks myself and have made it quite clear to my friends and family I really,really don't want one!) but to give a gift list?! Very grabby! I would be so uncomfortable with people buying token gifts for my baby, never mind expensive sleep suits and blankets!

[butterflyballs]

YANBU. In fact I think baby showers are awful and another tacky, grabby import from America.

I Wouldn't go to one, and I certainly wouldn't buy off a list. I'd stick to buying a card and an outfit for age 6 months once baby is here safe and well.

Having had two friends lose babies in the first week of its life through birth complications and others having given birth to babies who were stillborn, I'd rather wait anyway.

[hibbledibble]

I agree

Wedding gift lists are perfectly acceptable, and as a guest I like how they make life easier.

Baby shower gift lists seem rather presumptive.

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

I am glad I have never been invited to a baby shower - I never give baby gifts until the baby is safely delivered in any case, having known cases when that hasn't happened

[BeanCalledPickle]

I am 39 weeks with my second and had a baby shower last time. I was given lots of stuff that I didn't use - summer dresses in sizes that she would hit in the winter. I would never have had a list but felt bad that people wasted their money so much.

This time round I invited a bunch of girls for expressly not a baby shower at somewhere that was only a tenner for a full afternoon tea, on the basis that they have already spent more than enough money celebrating my life choices!!

[2cats2many]

I'm another one who finds baby showers a total cringefest. I said 'no thanks' firmly when my sister's said they wanted to throw one for me and I usually try to make an excuse if I'm invited to one.

All those stooopid bloody games and small talk. Yuck!

[meditrina]

As shower-type gifts are small, and the party is normally for close friends, the host can co-ordinate a bit without setting up a list.

For weddings, when the guest list is usually larger (sometimes much larger) and can include all sorts of random relatives who don't know you well, a list makes sense. I think it's better if it's only sent out to those who ask about it (much easier now so much can be done online and without the expense of a second mail shot),

[BeanCalledPickle]

You say that weddings are normally larger, this shower has sixty guests! Girls only for lunch - a three course affair in a gastro pub but that's another thread- then partners and male friends for the rest of the day. I'm actually not going because I will have just had a baby but I would have really resented the huge cost of the day in any event. The couple concerned are not married with no plans to be so I guess this is kind of their wedding in many ways.

[NurseRoscoe]

I am a grumpy cow and hate stuff like this for myself. I wouldn't mind going to someone else's but wouldn't like the idea of a gift list! That would send out a message that if you don't have much money then you can't come! Giving gifts should always be optional, whatever the occasion, not seen as 'rude' if you don't give one, even at Christmas! A gift loses it's meaning if someone is forced into buying it

[TwoOddSocks]

I think the baby shower is grabby partly because it's new; we've accepted that we'll buy a new couple a present for a wedding but now adding more and more occasions where you're expecting gifts is irritating.

I think it's also annoying because at least a wedding usually involves giving your guests a nice meal and a few drinks so buying a nice present seems more warranted. Baby showers are usually day time events, quite often VERY cringy and not particularly enjoyable for guests, so not only are you asking me to come and fawn over your unborn child (which realist ally only very close family and friends will be particularly excited by) but you also want me to buy something extravagant which i probably wouldn't buy for my own baby.

That does sound rather grumpy; I'm very happy to to actually visit a newborn baby if I'm invited and I'll always ask the parents if there's something they'd like (or they get a little gift and a voucher) but baby showers are just my worst nightmare.

[ollieplimsoles]

Yanbu! I don't know how this started but I really don't like it, I said in another thread on the matter that I would be horrified if a list was made on my behalf for my baby shower, or if guests were being pestered for money. My sister is throwing me one in October, its just a handful of girls getting together, chatting and playing daft games, not to bad I think

[SevTSnape]

Baby showers are the worst idea I have ever heard

[BeanCalledPickle]

I think it's nice to have a get together of some sorts. My friends are cast fairly far and wide and I just won't see quite a lot of them until I'm back in central London for work. But calling it a baby shower is so American and so instinctively yuck!

[steff13]

The purpose of a baby shower is to "shower" the mother-to-be with items that she will need for the baby. Thus, I don't think a gift registry is a problem; it's sort of the whole point of the shower. That and eating food and playing silly games. Of course, baby showers have been common here in the US for my entire lifetime and probably for many years before that.

I had showers for my oldest son and my daughter, and I would have never wanted someone not to come if they couldn't afford a gift, but I wouldn't go to a shower if I couldn't afford to bring a gift.

[NotNowBono]

I'm in the 'grabby' camp but you know, logically, baby shower lists make more sense than wedding gift lists - which are still sold on the mad premise that the happy couple need stuff to set up home together. You know the bride and groom aren't in desperate need of a new toaster because they've been living together since university, but presumably they don't have sterilisers, Baby Einstein whatsits, nappies, etc knocking about.

I guess it comes down to whether you interpret gift lists as 'we need this' vs 'if you're getting us a gift, here are some suggestions'.

[balletnotlacrosse]

I've no problem with a few close friend getting together for tea and cake and bringing small presents (a rattle, a pack of babygros or somesuch) for the pregnant friend.
But big formal showers with guest lists and expensive food etc is ridiculous. But it seems as if every 'event' nowadays has got bigger and tackier and more show offy.

[Stubbed]

We just get together with token bits and bobs and second hand stuff. Few nibbles and drinks at someone's house. Quite nice actually. The bag of babygros gets handed over (same ones used by everyone) etc etc

[Choccyhobnob]

Two of my friends (who both had babies last year) want to throw me a baby shower. It's quite funny really as we tried to do one for one of them last year and she didn't want to as felt it was grabby but is quite keen to throw me one!

The other friend is the first one I know who had a list. It was made quite clear on the fb invite from her friend that nothing was expected if you wanted to buy something then this is what is on their 'yet to buy list'. It had a shop and a price and everything. At first I raised an eyebrow then thought it was very useful actually! lol nothing was that expensive anyway.

I think I will ask them not to put a list on the invite as a I REALLY don't want to seem grabby! But give them a list and if anyone asks them for it that's ok

[irretating]

I like lists. I'd rather get the new parents-to-be something that they need rather than something that'll get stuffed in a drawer and forgotten about.

I've warmed to baby showers after being invited to a couple. They can be a positive uplifting female bonding experience to celebrate an experience that is unique to womenkind.

[ParkingFred]

I'm so glad I had babies before this vulgar baby shower business took off over here.

I like to buy my friends gifts once their babies are born, isn't that the norm? Are you expected to buy 2 lots?

[RedToothBrush]

You don't need a £25 sleep suit.

A multi pack from Tesco/Asda/Sainsburys/Morrisons is probably what you do need.

Wedding lists were supposed to set up a house for life and the gifts be long lasting - that's why its crockery etc.

A sleep suit lasts how long?

Grabby, grabby, grabby.

You can get REALLY nice baby gifts for a fraction of the price and/or with ten times the love than you get from one off a list.

[BeanCalledPickle]

I like to buy people things I've found useful. Like sock ons. And Ewan the Dream Sheep. Though my view that you shouldn't have a baby if you don't have a Ewan may be misguided:-)

[EatDessertFirst]

Grabby, grabby, grabby. A list is vulgar.

I hate baby showers. Gifts should be bought after baby is safely delivered.

[Caterina99]

I'm british and currently living in the US. 33 weeks with my first baby. My friends are throwing me a baby shower at the weekend (although I've hopefully made my expectations clear and it's basically a tea party with no stupid games or OTT decorations). I am slightly dreading it!

I do have a registry because my friends insisted its totally normal here (still makes me cringe - will not be advertising it's existence to UK friends and family) and I've already received a few gifts in advance from it, but also mixed with gifts people have chosen themselves. Several people have asked us if we have a registry, particularly my DHs work colleagues who aren't invited to my shower, so I think it's just completely expected here! (That's what I keep telling myself anyway)