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AIBU to not want strange men sleeping next to me post operative?

(569 Posts)
bracingair Sun 26-Apr-15 12:35:00

I am due to have a c-section in UCLH and I was chatting to one of the midwives. She said post natal you are in a 4 bedded bay. Partners can sleep over, and they don't like the curtains closed so they can keep an eye on u. This is not my first so very likely DH will not stay overnight.

I think it is wonderful that women can have their partners over if they want, but I do not want someone else's partner right by me! I know resources are stretched but I think it is putting me in a position I am very uncomfortable with. AIBU and if not, what can I do about this?

ShouldIworryornothelp Sun 26-Apr-15 12:37:07

Yanbu. I feel pretty vulnerable in hospital and while I know nothing will happen I wouldn't be able to relax knowing people were staying over who were healthy and very mobile.

BreeVDKamp Sun 26-Apr-15 12:37:48

Did the midwife mean that the front curtain will be open, but the side curtains will remain closed? That's what I'd imagine. So there will be a curtain between you and any strange man.

YANBU, if you feel uncomfortable you feel uncomfortable, but I'm sure the men on the ward will barely notice you as they will have a new baby to be besotted with, and some kip to catch.

pinkyredrose Sun 26-Apr-15 12:37:52

Ask them to shut the curtains? You're entitled to privacy having just given birth, surely they can manage to open the curtains to check on you.

Ocho Sun 26-Apr-15 12:38:33

What are you concerned about?

VivaLeBeaver Sun 26-Apr-15 12:39:36

To be honest you're unlikely to be able to do anything about it.

You could ask for a private room but it may be against their policy to allow post op women in a single room for 24 hours, some hospitals have this rule. If they do let you they may expect you to pay.

A lot of hospitals allow partners to stay overnight and this is the problem. Many women feel intimidated, unhappy with the fact a strange man may be sleeping 2ft away from her when she's feeling vulnerable. I sympathise, I wouldn't like it.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 26-Apr-15 12:40:54

Definitly insist on curtains been shut for your privacy and dignity. The midwife can peek through to check on you.

CaptainHolt Sun 26-Apr-15 12:41:34

I think it's awful. I had to labour in a six bedded room with strange men telling me to shut the fuck up and coming behind my curtains. One of them told me I was disgusting for leaving the 'patient' toilet dirty (I'd passed a lot of blood and thought the mw should see - I may have been wrong but he was an arse) Visiting hours were 8am until midnight which would have been a nightmare in itself but in reality it seemed to be 24 hours.

There is nowhere else in the NHS where patients are expected to share a double capacity mixed sex ward. It's only maternity, because the Dads need to 'bond' so screw the actual patient. <bitter>

Viasabat Sun 26-Apr-15 12:41:53

This happened to me, I hated it. They had to keep all the curtains open so they can keep an eye on you post op. I was learning to breastfeed and felt very upset about the whole experience.

woowoo22 Sun 26-Apr-15 12:42:06


ImperialBlether Sun 26-Apr-15 12:43:31

Who the hell thought it was appropriate to allow men to stay in a ward where other women are trying to recover from childbirth?

I would love to find out who it was who came up with such a stupid idea and have them on a webchat here.

JanineStHubbins Sun 26-Apr-15 12:43:34


ThatIsNachoCheese Sun 26-Apr-15 12:44:32

Does this actually happen now?! How awful shock

RiojaHaze Sun 26-Apr-15 12:45:30

YANBU. The hospital I gave birth in has a policy where the new dads are allowed to sleep overnight too. If you're on your own, with a crying new baby, trying to breastfeed and shuffle to the toilet, it's very uncomfortable.

letscookbreakfast Sun 26-Apr-15 12:46:28

YANBU, I'm stunned that this actually happens.

bracingair Sun 26-Apr-15 12:46:31

She also said no private rooms available anymore, they have stopped that this month. Good to see I am not the only one who minds, but what can I practically do?

fatlazymummy Sun 26-Apr-15 12:48:00

Are they going through with this then? I can't believe anyone would think this was a good idea.
I would have discharged myself as soon as I could have got out of bed. It just isn't acceptable.

ThatIsNachoCheese Sun 26-Apr-15 12:48:37

Home birth? I would want a meeting with the matron or head midwife. I'm amazed they think this is ok?!

milkyway1304 Sun 26-Apr-15 12:49:00

When I had my baby last year partners could stay on the postnatal ward. I was in for 10days following my emcs due to complications and honestly I don't think I noticed who had people staying and who didn't. My husband stayed most nights but not all and tbh given the absolute lack of nursing care I'm unsure if I would have been fed or able to wash myself or the baby in the first few days if he hadn't stayed most of the time. The curtains were all drawn all the time.

sugarplumfairy Sun 26-Apr-15 12:49:28

I've not had a baby for 14 years, so didn't realise this happened now. I wouldn't be very happy about this at all, don't know who's good idea it was hmm. It's bad enough shuffling around thinking everything is going to fall out and leaving a trail of blood all day, without worrying all night as well.

ThatIsNachoCheese Sun 26-Apr-15 12:49:34

Oh god sorry I have just seen you're having a section.
I would kick up an almighty fuss. I really do think it's awful.

CaptainHolt Sun 26-Apr-15 12:49:38

Could PALS help?

ImperialBlether Sun 26-Apr-15 12:49:40

It's absolutely disgraceful! Why do they need to be there at all, anyway? Surely men have bonded with their children without being there for the first night!

FenellaFellorick Sun 26-Apr-15 12:50:06

They should split the bays.
People ought to be asked if they feel it essential that their partner remains with them. Because some women say they need their partner round the clock and moan if that cant happen. Therefore. They must be the ones who accept others doing the same.
If they feel it is, then they go in a bay with others who also want that. So they can be the ones who have their partner but also other people's.
Leaving those who do not want other people's partners round the clock to be in bays where strict visiting hours are observed.

Wantsunshine Sun 26-Apr-15 12:50:50

Captain holt - that is horrendous I hope you complained. Did yr midwife do nothing when you were shouted at by these men in your vulnerable state?

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