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AIBU to think that if an adult breaks something they replace it?

(339 Posts)
worridmum Wed 08-Apr-15 00:25:16

Sorry its long one with a tiny bit of a rant

AIBU to think that my "D"sis should replace my DH computer that she broke when warned not to do something. My sister thinks I am and says she will replace with vastly cheaper item that is not a a suitable replacement or we should suck up the £500 excuss on our home insurence and she thinks I am being tight in insisting she replaces like for like. since if we claim it will push our premiums up so in effect paying double for her grave laspe in judgement.

basically the story is we have just finished renivating our new house so decided to host a family get together to celibrate the hard work we had put in and to finally have resolution for a problem from work (in my prevous thread)

And so we hold the get together have some well desvered wine (children at camp et) and basically hold a mini tour of our house with the expection of my DH study as this is his primairly work space so has important documents and his custom built computer (needed partly for his job as a software engineer and partly his hobbies which had cost just under £3000) and everyone was told this room was offlimits. (its up a flight of stairs that leads onto its own floor and so doesnt have a door)

So my sister takes expection to not being shown this room goes up by herself with a large glass of wine about an hour after we had shown everyone around and somehow procceds to fall and not only manages to smash one of the monitors by landing on it she also manages to spill her wine down the back of the mainframe of the computer (which was turned on due to complining some software) which causes the computer to short circuit and basically ruined the entire computer (which was only bought a month ago)

Before I start the ranting section Dsis was completely fine

And so my DH and a couple of other people run upstairs to see what happened where then my sister says shes "darn goofed" and shes had a little accident and tries to down play everything as after we made sure she was fine DH was frantically trying to damage control the sistatuion etc

Which too my Dsis is very very funny and proceeds to laugh and joke about the entrie sistuation which just wond up DH even more and said quite loudly DH should take a chill pill as its only a computer. Which understandable was not taken well by DH whole sadly got really angry and shouted at my sister and ranted about how is it funny that a months long project has possibly gone up in smoke (computer was actully smoking at this point as he could not turn off internal power source in time) and that is has cost us alot of money and read her the riot act and asked her to leave the house.

(I am not excusing my DH but he was not abusive to her per say as in was not swearing / abusing her was just shouting, this is totally out of charater for him hes normally so calm and passive but he most likely shouldnt of reacted like that)

We leave it a couple of days to see just how much was damaged etc (thankfully back ups werent effected so only lost the compling time so project wasnt effect) but the computer, monitor and mainframe were total right offs.

And my sister contacts me to see how everything is and to apoligize to me about what happend and asked is there anything she can do to sort out the mess she made, which i replied she could replace what she damaged and apoligize to my DH. So she said fine I will replace the computer but I will not apoligize to DH as he was totally out of order etc and I comment that she still should apoligize as she was out of order etc and she hangs up.

So my DH sends a invoce for the computer parts (he can get the computer parts direct from manifactur etc so cheapest possible price ) which was £2600 which understandalbe is a quite a large number replys that she will buy a computer from PC world as she has seen one for £300 and that we should be greatful to even get that and I reply thats not a suitable replacement etc

(she has the money to replace it as she is in a well paid job and last week told me /boosted she had saved up £24,000 for her next years around the world holiday).

Sorry its really long but I thought I needed to include everything so not to accidently dripfeed later on

So AIBU for insisting she replaces the item she destoryed or I am being tight in expecting us not to be even further out of pocket for her totally avoidable mistake.

Ps sorry for spelling and grammer posting on a tablet (because the computer is out of action at the moment) without spell checker and I am dyslexic.

JeanneDeMontbaston Wed 08-Apr-15 00:30:16

She was obviously very drunk and is embarrassed.

But yes, she should pay. I was all prepared to say she shouldn't, and you suck things up ... but, if this really happened as you say, she should pay.

HolgerDanske Wed 08-Apr-15 00:33:30

She should definitely pay. And to the exact specs of the one she ruined.

This is obvious to any rational individual.

She needs to suck it up.

sunflower49 Wed 08-Apr-15 00:34:27

YANBU. She broke something, she's an adult, she fixes it.

Bogeyface Wed 08-Apr-15 00:37:45

YANBU she should definitely pay.

2Retts Wed 08-Apr-15 00:38:17

Agree with PPs...she's an adult.

My DCs netbooks or iPads are not the same as my work computer.

She broke it unecessarily, she has the means to replace it, she ought to replace it.

Sorry if this means your relationship with your Sis is affected worridmum but you're (and your DH is) right and she is wrong.

BestZebbie Wed 08-Apr-15 00:41:29

I think that morally there is no doubt that she ought to pay the full amount of replacements plus any other expenses incurred by her actions (carpet cleaner etc).

However, I think that in reality it is awkward/unrealistic to expect a random person to have the available money to instantly cover a very large bill such as this one. This is why cars have to be insured etc - because most people really do not have three grand to just hand over, so in situations of a large bill that is what insurance is for.
I do agree that it is just as unrealistic to assume that you could just afford to buy it all again for no fault of your own too, and if you know your sister has disposable funds atm then this applies less. But possibly it may be better for ongoing harmony to pay using your insurance and then charge her the excess and amount your premium goes up rather than for the PC itself?

TheAnswerIsYes Wed 08-Apr-15 00:42:48

She should pay for it however for an item of hat cost I think I would claim it from your insurance and tell her to pay the excess.

PeppermintCrayon Wed 08-Apr-15 00:43:44

She should pay but I would accept her covering the excess.

Bit shocked you have it set so high! Ours is £50...

TipseyKisses Wed 08-Apr-15 00:47:38

Agree with all the others , she should replace it & with the components your DH has requested .

She was told not to go into that room & chose to ignore you , it's her own fault .
Hope you get it sorted op !

HolgerDanske Wed 08-Apr-15 00:51:01

She has the money. She can afford to pay, so she should do so.

I would have been so angry had it been my work and livelihood that had been compromised. Has she any comprehension of the problem she's caused? Or is she one of those people who bumble through life causing all sorts of fiascos but never really taking responsibility for it?

TheBoov Wed 08-Apr-15 00:52:17

Of course she should replace it. It's his work and he asked her not to go in. We work from home and our office is definitely off limits to visitors.
She needs to pay in full for replacing what she broke.

Cluesue Wed 08-Apr-15 00:52:32

If she has that much Money,she should definitely pay.

She'll probably refuse by the sounds of it.

Maybe try to get the £500 excess and claim off insurance to keep the peace,although I'm not sure how your relationship with her will be after this.

Your sister was massively in the wrong.

PeppermintCrayon Wed 08-Apr-15 00:55:04

You should put a look on that room though.

kali110 Wed 08-Apr-15 00:56:54

She should pay! she was told not to
Into that room but did it anyway and has now damaged very expensive eqipment. Why should your premiums have to go up for her reckless actions?
Don't blame your dp for being angry either!
She won't apologise because he shouted? I'd have shouted too!

tigerlillyd02 Wed 08-Apr-15 01:00:29

YANBU. She should take responsibility for her actions.

worridmum Wed 08-Apr-15 01:05:04

Thank you everyone I am just sooo angry / disappointed with my sister at the moment she knows how much we have gone through the last few months and if she refuses to pay up I will claim on the insurence as he needs the computer back (hes currently using his co owners computer to finish the rendering for this current project). Only for the sake of the time pressure on as without the computer my DH possible work is limited.

As at the moment I am so angry If it wasnt for the time constrants I would rock the boat as she does have history of poor judgement having massive conquences which she doesnt face as she normally runs away from them. But if she doesnt pay us back the favours that I and the rest of the family do for her will most likely dry up....... (most of the family witenessed her behaviour)

And sadly the £500 excuess was due month cost (the only other one offering insurence wanted a silly high monthly payment but lowish excess )and the one of the only ones that would bloody insure after 1 freak flood (first recorded flood in area for 100+ years) that did not even effect the propitory just that we share a post code with a prevous flooded areas........

worridmum Wed 08-Apr-15 01:07:22

Peppermint sadly our house is quite weird (think castle like tower house) and to put a door on the stairwell (its a set of stairs to its own mini floor) we would need to build walls in the open plan kicten dinner

HolgerDanske Wed 08-Apr-15 01:10:48

There is absolutely no reason you should have to put a lock on a door in your own home unless you actually want to, and if grown adults who apparently are with it enough to hold down a job and save a lot of money can't respect you and your work space maybe they just shouldn't be invited into your home.

worridmum Wed 08-Apr-15 01:13:35

gah its soooo annoying she know how tight money is for us at the moment and that until My new job starts in june we are relaying on my DH work to support us (I had a prevous thread discussing work basically screwing me over and the compensation payment the tribunal has ordered has not come through yet and the the bailifs from the high court are about to chase but thats a whole another thread )

Where as the £2600 is less than a months wages for her and she has massive savings and is actully happliy risking our finical sercutiry because she doesnt want to pay for her actions angry

HolgerDanske Wed 08-Apr-15 01:17:35

She will just have to. You should not back down on this.

NeedABumChange Wed 08-Apr-15 01:20:41

Her reaction to the whole thing is terrible. She sounds as if she can't think of anyone but herself. She should give you the £3000 and I'd still not have her back anytime this year at least. Your DH reacted perfectly naturally, I'd have been throwing the smoking computer at her. By entering the room she intentionally ignored your house rules that negates the fact it was an accident on my eyes.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 08-Apr-15 01:25:43

She absolutely should pay but since she won't, then make her pay your excess instead (a lot less) when you've claimed on the insurance.
And then ban her from your home until she can learn some respect!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 08-Apr-15 01:26:41

I mean seriously, have you not thought about asking her to pay the excess on your insurance instead of the full amount? £500 is near enough to the £300 and a lot less than £2,600

houseofnerds Wed 08-Apr-15 01:34:25

Claim on insurance. She covers excess.

Anything else is just you scoring points because she happens to have more money than you. Yes she was stupid. But that's why sane folk have insurance, to get them out of tight spots caused by accidents.

Don't insist on her paying the full amount. That's pretty tit for tat and you are supposed to be adults now. Don't stoop to her level.

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