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I've just found out my husband is on steroids!!!

(60 Posts)
Goingoutofmymindddd Sun 22-Mar-15 19:51:34

Have name changed as so humiliated and people in RL know my username.
I don't know what to do?!
He has always been a fitness fanatic and gym bunny, fad diets, healthy eating etc. in the past I have known he has taken certain things, testosterone boosters etc. and whilst I might not have agreed, it was all legitimate and above board (bought on Amazon).
We have had arguments in the past about steroids, I have questioned if he was taking anything else, he always denied it, said he would tell me! I always told him, it's his body, his decision... I would definitely disapprove of him taking steroids, but would keep my mouth shut so long as it didn't affect me or our family. He promised he would tell me.
Well today, I was washing his work clothes and an empty pill packet fell out of his pocket. I can't remember the name but I googled it and it was a post-cycle drug that bodybuilders use when they're finishing a steroid cycle & something to do with testosterone and oestrogen levels. I questioned him.. He told me he had no idea what it was. Then he said it was from a long time ago, had no idea why it was in his pocket, but he didn't ever remember taking it and that it must have been after he took those testosterone boosters.
Well it didn't sit right with me, I got upset. Argument ensued but he was very apologetic, cuddly, loving, told me he would always tell me.
I feel so stupid, I believed him!!!!!
I put the baby to bed, and prepped dinner, things going round in my head. The more I thought about it, the less sense it made. If it had been from ages ago, then why was it in his pocket now? Also, how on earth can he not remember taking it?
I told him after dinner that I was going out of my mind and couldn't just drop it, something wasn't right and I knew it. He got defensive, I told him there wouldn't be an issue if he had taken anything just tell me so I can stop feeling like a psychotic idiot!
he swore on our 18month old sons life that he had never taken any steroids. I told him that I wanted to go and look in his work van, everything in my body was telling me to go and look, but I said I didn't want to because I wanted to believe him and I was scared of what I might find.
He could have told me then!
But no, he said go look.
So I did!
I feel like such an idiot!!!!! When I came back inside, his face said it all. I am so angry that I didn't even get angry. I asked why, he said he didn't want to feel like a disappointment to his wife. I said but you'd rather feel like a lying c*nt?! I'm upstairs in the spare room, couldn't bare to look at him or hear another lie come come out of his mouth.
please tell me I'm not being unreasonable to be beyond livid, I'm so angry I can't breathe properly, hyperventilating, feel like I'm going to explode.
Somebody please, tell me what to do?!

ARoomWithoutAView Sun 22-Mar-15 19:57:17

Steroids are a prescription medicine in the UK for good reason.
Wrongly taken they can have very serious consequences.
They are meant to be taken to save lives when the body cannot do what it is meant to.
Why cannot he be happy with himself as he is?
Would he like your 18 month son to one day be on them?
I don't think so.

Phephenson Sun 22-Mar-15 19:58:44

Does he do a job where his physical size matters, I don't really know what to say - he clearly knew what he was doing was wrong or he wouldn't have lied about it, but to swear on your sons life is a bit extreme.

Yanbu to feel like you do
What did you actually find in the van?

ARoomWithoutAView Sun 22-Mar-15 19:59:36

he said he didn't want to feel like a disappointment to his wife.

He likes imagery, not reality.

bakingtins Sun 22-Mar-15 20:03:54

The lying is worse than whatever he's been taking IMO. Not only hiding it from you knowing you'd disapprove but flat out lying to your face when confronted.

TruJay Sun 22-Mar-15 20:03:58

Yanbu I'd be furious too.
My DH loves the gym and has the powder you turn into those protein shake but I'd be so upset if he took steroids.

londonrach Sun 22-Mar-15 20:06:20

Is this on prescription and if not he needs to see gp to get heart etc checked. Whats his skin like?

PrettyPenguin Sun 22-Mar-15 20:10:01

ARoom - corticosteroids are prescription medicine in the UK. I take them regularly because of an auto immune disease. They are not nice but they are a steroid that is naturally produced in the kidneys.

What the OP is talking about is anabolic steroids I believe. I seem to recall they are actually illegal, aside from being very bad for you.

ArseForElbow Sun 22-Mar-15 20:13:24

My XH used to take steroids they are a Class C with the police and can cause terrible mood swings amongst other things. I would be very angry too OP.

Goingoutofmymindddd Sun 22-Mar-15 20:14:38

That's just it... I really couldn't care less about the steroids right now! It's the lies! And any disappointment I might feel about him taking them is seriously nothing in comparison to the heartbreak I feel from the deceit. He had ample opportunity to be honest with me, he made me feel like I was crazy for not believing him!! And I can't believe he actually let me put my shoes on and go look in the van rather than muster the guts to tell me himself! It was a pot of oxandrolone, also known as Anavar. It was hidden within a bigger pot of "natural testosterone boosters" ha haa.... sad
I don't know if I'm just being petty but I've never felt so gutted in my life. How can I ever trust him about anything else ever again? And to swear on our 18month old sons life?!

Goingoutofmymindddd Sun 22-Mar-15 20:15:47

Yes it's an anabolic steroid. I have no idea how he got them, but I suspect it was from a friend he works with.

peggyundercrackers Sun 22-Mar-15 20:27:11

You can buy it on Amazon... I think it seems a bit petty tbh given you can buy it openly...

Goingoutofmymindddd Sun 22-Mar-15 20:31:23

You certainly can't buy it on amazon!! I was talking about the testosterone boosters that he bought from Amazon. He never lied to me about that. But I have just found out he is also taking Anavar, an anabolic steroid.

Pantsfullofsmarties Sun 22-Mar-15 20:35:41

Yanbu. Marriage imo at least, is built on trust, if you asked him and he lied to your face, then I understand your anger, disappointment and betrayal. Especially about the swearing on your baby's life. That for me would be heartbreaking.
I don't know a thing about steroids, sorry I've I'm naive but what reason did you not want him to take them?

TattyDevine Sun 22-Mar-15 20:36:28

I think you have to step back and analyse this one.

One issue is that he is taking steroids.

The other is that he lied.

But the 3rd reason is WHY he lied.

People don't lie when they feel it is safe to tell the truth. That's not turning it back on you, necessarily - there is no requirement to be super cool and open minded about everything. There are certain lines you don't cross. Has he crossed one? If not and its the lying that is the crossed line, there has been a breakdown in communications somewhere along the way.

This is probably not much help to you now except to say try and ponder all that before you lay down any ultimatums.

Cookiecake Sun 22-Mar-15 20:41:02

My ex took steroids, it's not something I agreed to what so ever but we lived apart. I really think it seemed to change his personality and we broke up, it was him who decided to break up but it was all quite out of character. I'd be very wary of being around someone taking them again as it was a horrible time dealing with someone just changing like that. Since then he regrets this but thinks what he was on at the time kind of numbed his feelings.

I think they are quite widely taken though actually but people do not admit to it.

NeedABumChange Sun 22-Mar-15 20:42:00

You need to throw him out. You need space. You don't need a liar. You don't need an unstable drug addict living with your child. That's what he is. He's also ridiculously vain to put his physical appearance before his family. And he will end up with a tiny penis is he continues- that is no urban legend.

LucilleBluth Sun 22-Mar-15 20:42:12

This exact same thing happened to me about eighteen months ago. DH, always ran, lifted weights etc, fad diets, online supplements. He lost a lot of weight, went diet mad. One day I was in the garage when I came across a packet of little vials, I googled and they were injectable steroids. I called him at work (very responsible, highly paid job) he swore BLIND that they were years old, that he'd found them in a box in the garage that was from when we lived abroad.....that some friend had given them to him and he'd just put them away and thought nothing of it......until I read the box and they had a manufacturing date of about six months previous, lies lies and more lies......I scoured the house and found little blue pills, also steroids, I googled all known usernames and found him asking for advise on how to build up using thses pills on a body building forum.

I went mad, but I still haven't really gotten to the bottom of it, he shut down and refuses to talk about it.

TheCowThatLaughs Sun 22-Mar-15 20:56:52

My only experience of steroids is knowing someone who had a horrible abscess in his arm caused by injecting steroids. He had to have it dressed and packed daily at the district nurse clinic for a good while. Obviously was risky to his health and also his job.

Goingoutofmymindddd Sun 22-Mar-15 21:03:25

Thanks to everyone for the replies.
I've calmed down a bit now but still rather devastated tbh.
lucille thank you, it feels so good to know that someone else knows what I'm going through right now.
Tatty thank you for making me think. I don't know if he crossed the line with the steroids or the lies. I guess I just need time to think.
He just came up to see me but I told him to get out, I couldn't bare to look at him and I'm too angry to talk about it right now. Was that wrong of me? Maybe I should have heard him out.

DamsonInDistress Sun 22-Mar-15 21:07:23

Deal breaker for me I'm afraid, on both counts. Nor sure what exactly I'd do nor how I'd proceed, but it would be the end of something for me.

TattyDevine Sun 22-Mar-15 21:11:54

There's nothing wrong with you at all.

But there's every chance you are going to want to get through this, so you might want to let him know you need a chance to cool down and schedule a talk.

What you don't want is a situation where he's made up his mind to take them, has made up his mind to convince you otherwise, and nothing changes. Because then its all in vain.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Mar-15 21:11:57

in my experience, those people that swear on their baby's/mother's life are invariably Big Fat Fucking Liars

op, you had a right to know that the father of your kids is dicing with his health

steroids are prescription drugs for a very good reason and are never prescribed simply to pump up your pecs also for well-researched reasons

your husband's vanity needs's not healthy and the lengths he would go to in indulging it
are a very big concern

SmillasSenseOfSnow Sun 22-Mar-15 21:22:14

Just going to say that I don't buy his 'feel sorry for me/look what I did for YOU' bullshit excuse.

I don't believe for a second that 'he didn't want to feel like a disappointment to his wife'. He realised he had no more lies to tell so decided he'd try to deflect the focus onto you and how you 'share' the blame.

I struggle to see how someone who is already a relatively successful gym freak (from the sound of it) could genuinely believe that his physical condition could be a disappointment to his wife. Someone who is still massively overweight and hates their own body - maybe. But you don't take steroids to lose weight, last I heard. If you're at the point of muscle build-up where the next stage could justify steroid use, I doubt you think you look that terrible.

DoJo Sun 22-Mar-15 21:30:52

Isn't one of the side effects of steroids uncontrollable mood swings? If so, then he was prepared to put you and your son at risk of him being unable to contain his anger and aggression or potentially feeling depressed and suicidal. Not to mention the longer-term damage to his body which could cause his premature death and leave his son without a father. He has risked a lot to take these, and for what? So that he can look good and impress people at the gym? That's a shame.

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