AIBU to not allow ExH to take DC to Tunisia next month?(56 Posts)
I've already posted on someone else's thread over this but feel it belongs in AIBU.
Background story is ExH asked late last year if I was ok him taking our 2 DC abroad for a week in April (he's taken them abroad before). He mentioned Tunisia to which I asked if he'd 'googled' how safe the area is, he said it's not the final destination, they were looking at others i.e. Canaries, Turkey. 6 weeks later he sent a text to say they'd booked Tunisia.
I wasn't happy but thought that as it was booked there wasn't much I could do. I did mention when I saw him that I wasn't thrilled over the destination, he said it'll be fine & that was it.
Then yesterday the news hit about the awful terrorism in the capital of Tunis!
I've voiced my anxiety about the situation & that we need to discuss it. He's taken the line that it'll be fine, they'll stay in the resort, the coastal holiday resorts are safe....bla....bla...bla!
I've asked if they'd consider trying to change the destination, he said it's all booked & paid for.
The DC obviously have no idea & are looking forward to their hols. I do have the option of taking them to Crete (we have family there) the same week to 'soften the blow'.
TBH I would feel the same OP.
Whether that is rational of me or not I don't know, but I can understand your anxiety.
Your ex has been less than truthful about his plans and I am sure that has made you more worried. Does he make a habit of misleading you/ignoring your concerns?
I completely understand your worries, and I'd probably be the same as you, but on the whole YABU. How conflicted am I
frogs how has he been less than truthful?
OP, I think I would feel a little wobbly about it. That said, I think you should trust your ex's judgment.
Thanks for the replies.
I genuinely am interested to hear if people think I am behaving unreasonably. In real life the general consensus is that I'm not but I'm unsure if that's them being polite.
I think it's just been sheer ignorance on his part really, I don't think he'll have much idea of what's happening in the country full stop.
I wouldn't say he makes a habit of misleading me but I think (without meaning to be insulting) he's not got the sense to research things like this & fully understand the situation.
Do you know which part of Tunisia they're going to? The Foreign Office guidance is at https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/tunisia. It's generally very reliable.
My rational side says they'll be fine.
The other 'not so rational' side says why chance it? The attack was aimed at tourists, what if other unrest unfolds that delays them getting home etc...
I'm also aware that I wouldn't be happy someone else interfering in my holiday plans but then I wouldn't have chosen to go there originally anyway & it's a good thing that he's taking them away.
Yes it's well within the 'safe' zone (as is Tunis where yesterday's attack took place).
The news articles have mentioned that 2 years ago there was an attempted suicide bomber in the same resort though....I realise I'm reading a lot into it which hasn't helped.
Travel companies are cancelling visits to certain areas. I assume he would lose money if cancelled?
Yes as far as I understand he would lose money.
He's not interested in exploring the idea of changing the destination or seeing how much this would cost.
Just to add I'm not averse to the idea of visiting Tunisia in general, just the idea of my children going there the way things are. It's not exactly a massive country either. Their resort is just over 100 miles from Tunis.
I think its a bit like not going to the south of France because of what happened in Paris. Or avoiding Belgium completely. And don't forget to stay out of coffee shops in Sydney, or perhaps all of Australia to be on the safe side. Something sooner or later will happen in London, so best not go south of Oxford. Probably should avoid a £100-mile radius around Manchester, Leeds, Birmingham, Edinburgh etc too.
Realistically, terrorism is happening everywhere and is only going to get worse .
You could, I suppose, leave your own house as little as possible and convince yourself that this makes you safe. That way the nutters win though, and you and your DC have a shit life.
Tough one OP. From personal experience, I went to Sharm-El-Sheikh a few years ago about a week after a terrorist attack and it was fine, actually safer because of heightened security but I can see why you are concerned. I guess there's not much you can do really, just monitor foreign office travel advice. If they say no go, your ex will get full refund or be offered a different destination, if not-he would lose his money if he cancelled.
We are a strange family really as my dh was caught up in 7/7 and has now recovered but my dd was also
Caught up in an accident that itself was headline sky news for a week or two.
You never think it will happen to you but it happened to us. Twice.
No I wouldn't go to Tunisia or Egypt at the moment.
We are heading to Wales this year. Rain can't kill you and as a family we can relax.
I'm in Tunisia at the moment on holiday, near Monastir, around 90miles from Tunis.
To be honest, I feel safer wondering around Sousse than I do in parts of home in London!
I've come previously, and since what happened on Wednesday we've noticed an increased police and National Guard presence. Like England and Scotland, you can drive between Libya and Tunisia very easily, no passport needed, no inspections. But now, the guard are stopping any cars with Libyan plates, questioning people etc.
Everyone is horrified here that this has happened. They are embarrassed and at pains to explain that they are "not all like that"
Tourism accounts for nearly 20% of employment and income for the country and is going to be massively affected.
If this happened in a library in Manchester, would you refuse to visit London?
I'll be back in the summer too. The resorts are very safe, and whilst I'm going to avoid Tunis this trip, We are still out and about.
Thanks for the replies.
I disagree with the comparison of it being like avoiding places in the UK. Living here obviously doesn't make that an option so I don't see it the same at all. Also there aren't areas within the other countries mentioned that the FCO advises against all travel too.
The official line from there website is:
"There is a high threat from terrorism, including kidnapping. Attacks could be indiscriminate, including in places visited by foreigners. See Terrorism
A terrorist attack took place at the Bardo museum in the centre of Tunis on 18 March. A number of people were killed, including a British national. Further attacks are possible. You should be especially vigilant at this time and follow the advice of Tunisian security authorities and your tour operator."
Yes yabu. If anything Tunisia will have heightened security atm.
Would you feel the same if it was France, Belgium, Australia? The entire world should be extra careful right now but avoiding entire countries is unnecessary.
YANBU id be worried. Unfortunately, I'm a worrier by nature. But I just wouldn't risk it. Life is about weighing up risks. What's the worst that could happen in this situation and what's the best.
YANBU to feel the way you do. However, security will be heightend and there's a good chance the tour oppetor will cancel the trip themselves. If your Ex is the pigheaded type, nothing you say will get through but I would PA mention it to people he does listen to and whose opinions he does value..
YANBU to be worried, but I think you should let them go. It will be a lot safer now, after the attack, than it would have been before, as everyone is on high alert.
Yabu. Very few countries in the world are free of terrorism, including the one that you live in. As long as he is not ignoring foreign office advice to travel, I think you should allow him to take them.
Sorry cross posts. What is the FCO? Is that the foreign office?
* Very few countries in the world are free of terrorism, including the one that you live in. As long as he is not ignoring foreign office advice to travel, I think you should allow him to take them*
does our country share a border with a country in midst of chaos and horrific problems including ISIS foot hold ie LIBYA?
Op I feel for you and I can imagine the sort of carefree gung ho - ignorance is bliss sort of person your dealing with.
I wonder if his partner is more clued up/
one would like to think if he goes its a well thought out desicion
he's an equal parent isn't he? you already gave permission
he could take them to Disneyland paris instead couldn't he....oh no,wait,PARIS. no. not safe
look,there will always be something to worry about....air travel alone freaks some people out these days.
I'd let them go. I'd be uncomfortable like you, but I'd let them go. I don't think you have any right as an equal parent to stop the other parent taking their children somewhere.
Have you offered to pay for any difference in cost that he would incur? I think you have to if you expect your request to be considered.
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