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AIBU to say out loud that pregnancy mostly SUCKS?!

(142 Posts)
swanseacat Tue 17-Feb-15 19:44:01

There, I've said it. It feels like such a taboo to say it, and for so many understandable reasons. Let me elaborate...

This is my second pregnancy, our first took us 2 years, and we'd just started investigations when I fell pregnant. Actually I carted my poor hungover DH round the Fertility Show and forced him to give a sample, all the while unaware I was several weeks pregnant. So we thought our second one might take a while, and after about 6 months of trying (already aged 36) we started down the investigative road again. Thanks to the joy of the NHS it took about 18 months to rule our chances of conceiving naturally very low, and then to send us privately as we don't qualify for any free cycles having a DD already. The first cycle cost £6k and failed. We embarked on our second and last, extremely pessimistic, and gearing up to get a pet instead. Much to our surprise, it worked.

I say all this so no one thinks I have taken the fact of getting and staying pregnant lightly. It's taken 2 years and £12k to get to this point. I know all too well what it is like to sit on the outside of the pregnancy club looking wistfully in, and therefore it seems so deeply insensitive to moan about how dreadful I have felt, every day since week 5. And yet that is the reality. Hideous constant nausea, never actually culminating in being sick but forcing me to seek out food every 15 minutes, hating most of what I am eating and its impact on my body, but unable to ignore the vile feelings in my stomach and mouth. Crushing tiredness, so that after a 2 hour nap of the dead in the afternoons I wake up still exhausted. And now, at 19 weeks, I've added agonising back pain. And the response of just about every single medical profession / care giver? SUCK IT UP, B****, YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!

Yes, I know it's a great thing, but should that make my daily experience of mostly misery any less real? Does it help when people say 'Oh, morning sickness, that's good, it must be a strong pregnancy'? Does it b*****s. Every so often I encounter other mums who tell me gleefully "I threw up 4 times a day throughout my entire pregnancy" like it's some kind of badge of honour, which of course only serves to make me feel like a wuss for even thinking of complaining. So, mostly, I don't, and it's just my poor DH who gets it in the neck ever so often when I can't bottle it up anymore.

AIBU to wish it was appropriate to be more honest?

Enough27 Tue 17-Feb-15 19:48:54

Yep, hated every second of both pregnancies. Sick, tired, hot. Hated all the pregnant women who loved being pregnant as it made them feel 'special'. Urgh

dementedma Tue 17-Feb-15 19:53:05

Hurrah. I have found my people. Hated being pregnant, hated giving birth, hated the small shitty baby stage. Now they are teens/adults, they are just about bearable to be around!

Redheartsandflowers Tue 17-Feb-15 19:57:19

I hated being pregnant too. I was one of the healthiest looking most energetic postpartum women you've ever seen, my body seemed to be so relieved to not be pregnant anymore!

VikingLady Tue 17-Feb-15 19:57:29

Yanbu! I loathe pregnancy with a passion, which is totally unrelated to how much I want this child. I hated my first pregnancy and this one is worse, with worse symptoms.

But my symptoms are not as bad as a lot of people have, and I know a few people suffering infertility and pregnancy loss at various stages, so I can't say it in RL. It took me neatly two years too, and I am grateful - I am! I just hate pregnancy.

I'm exhausted, getting fat again after working so hard to lose weight, can't walk anywhere due to size and spd, have hormone-related thrush and eczema (including of the fanjo - yes, it is a thing!), covered in zits, my eyes are too dry for my lenses, my nipples fucking hurt when I feed DD, and I just feel invaded! My body simply isn't mine.

So I sympathise. I do feel better for the rant though. I hope your morning sickness clears up early on Op. How was it last time?

Chillyegg Tue 17-Feb-15 20:00:21

I've pretty hated most of this pregnancy I just can't wait for it's birthday in 7 weeks! I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired! The worry every time something slightly unusual happens! Going to the maternity unit when this happens and having speculum a shoved up orafices! The aches and the pains and the spots and the discharge! confused

I appreciate in very lucky to preggo but it hasn't stopped it being hard and quite frankly draining. Also I've found it a little isolating most of my mates are spread over the world and I'm the first to have a kid....

swanseacat Tue 17-Feb-15 20:02:33

Thank you ladies it's so good to hear the same!! Vikinglady, last time I was nauseous for just 6 weeks and I thought that was bad enough, 14 weeks and counting this time. Sympathise massively with you.

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey Tue 17-Feb-15 20:05:48

I loved being pregnant, despite the awful morning sickness, loss of bladder control, exhaustion etc. Wish I could experience it again sad

kitchentableagain Tue 17-Feb-15 20:06:35

YANBU and I actually think the fertility problems make it worse. I fall pregnant very easily but have lost 4 of my 7 pregnancies. When I was pregnant with #3 I was so sensitive to the viscosity of fluids when drinking that for two months I could only stand to drink thickened chocolate milk. Water or anything that "runny" made me gag! I felt like total shit continuously from 5-24 weeks and then my horrific acid reflux kicked in at 26 weeks. And throughout it all anyone who knew even vaguely my history of multiple losses kept saying, "oh you must feel so so LUCKY!". I would nod weakly and think, fuck off!

seastargirl Tue 17-Feb-15 20:14:41

I hg throughout two pregnancies, I actually found the nausea more soul destroying than the vomiting.

I lived on cashew nuts, bisto best gravy and tangfastics. I carted a bucket everywhere and spent my honeymoon throwing up around Vegas and new York.

I fully sympathise and think it's all made worse when it's such a longed for pregnancy and you feel you should be grateful but you can't be. Just remember there is an end in sight and it is all worth it.

missmakesstuff Tue 17-Feb-15 20:18:01

But it's such a magical time....! Currently 35 weeks and suffering random stabbing pains in bump, fanjo and arse. Can't have sex with dh even though I want to as its bloody weird down there and hurts. Every move baby makes seems to grind against my ribs and kicks are agony.... I can barely catch my breath, can't lie down at all and wake up every 5 bloody mins it feels like. Today everyone I spoke to seemed to either stare or say, ooh, you've not got long to go!

Up to7 fucking weeks. 7 fucking weeks....

I do get the feeling that you desperately want this so can't complain, we tried for 18 months before this pregnancy with a mc in the first few months, have a wonderful dd who I'm being really grumpy and useless with at the moment...

Still, it's a magical time!

pillowaddict Tue 17-Feb-15 20:18:29

Yip, the nausea, headaches, ravenous hunger followed by need to vomit, shortness of breath, pelvic pain, exhaustion and mood swings are nearly as bad as the pain of labour and recovery afterwards.

Ohfourfoxache Tue 17-Feb-15 20:29:33

Yanbu

37 weeks and this afternoon I almost simultaneously vomited and shat myself. Had to manoeuvre pretty fucking swiftly to avoid a massive clean up operation.

This is
Dc1, ttc for 2.5 years, 2mc. Yes, I know I'm lucky. I know it will be worth it. But ffs I've had enough now. may have asked MW for a sweep last week blush

AGirlCalledBoB Tue 17-Feb-15 20:35:12

No I did not enjoy pregnancy either. I was on crutches and strong painkillers for most of it and could barely move. Now my son is 18 months and he has really damanged my pelvis. I will have a operation on it soon. I can't walk far, I am one step away from being on morphin and limp everywhere. Yet I get a lot(mainly from the mil!) oh but bob's son was worth it. Well yes he was but that does not change the fact I am in near constant pain!

So I know exactly what you mean!

swanseacat Tue 17-Feb-15 20:53:46

Ohfourfoxache I'm so sorry but you made me giggle so much. Fingers crossed it all ends positively soon!! Same to you missmakesstuff.

Agirlcalledbob tell the MIL to get lost grin

cailindana Tue 17-Feb-15 21:01:00

I was very lucky to have very straightforward pregnancies with very little nausea but dear lord I hated absolutely every minute of them. First wasn't so bad as I kept thinking "it'll be better when...I'm 20 weeks/I have a nice bump to show off etc" but with the second I knew it would just be shit all the way through so from the day I took the test I was grumpy. Very very grumpy. So grumpy, it's the stuff of legend these days among my friends.

In theory I would love to have another but I really cannot face the hell of pregnancy again.

Good luck - hang in there!

PrincessOfChina Tue 17-Feb-15 21:07:44

I'm on board with this. I just don't understand why so many random symptoms are just brushed aside by medical professionals when usually they'd send you to bed! my favourite was when my neck went into spasm, I couldn't stand or move by myself and they suggested I get a wheat bag to put on it. FFS.

6 weeks to go.

RedCrayons Tue 17-Feb-15 21:10:16

The best thing about being pregnant is that the tesco man brought my shopping into the kitchen for me.

The rest was awful. I looked awful, felt sick for all but 2 weeks. Migraines at least once a week. Boiling hot virtually the whole way through.
Almost straight after the birth I felt normal agin. I looked like I'd been to a health spa for a week when I came home from hospital.

DrCoconut Tue 17-Feb-15 21:11:27

I'm 8 weeks at the moment with DC3 and it does suck. I feel sick and bone crunchingly tired. I'm finding work quite hard at the moment as I can't rest in the day and arrive home exhausted. On days off where I can do less it is easier. Food wise I never know what to eat but if I don't the sickness is worse. I think it has improved a bit since last week but I can't wait for it to pass. I wonder if its a girl as I felt less rough with my boys. Or maybe I'm just old now grin

Waltonswatcher Tue 17-Feb-15 21:11:48

I nearly offered to give my consultant a blow job when he said I needed inducing 4 weeks early!
The gratitude was overwhelming . Yes some pregnancies are hell . And sometimes the trauma lasts long after the baby years . But it is all worth it . My three are amazing .

hodgepodgepanda Tue 17-Feb-15 21:12:09

Glad I'm not the only one .

I feel so guilty for hating been pregnant & have felt this way since I were 10 weeks & I know I should be grateful as it has taken 9 years to get to the impossible point of actually been pregnant as we were told we had zero chance of conception without help .
Yet here I am 34+2 beyond exhausted thanks to 7 long months of insomnia , morning sickness , spd & now the breathlessness that is so bad that I can't make it to the kitchen without needing my inhaler .
6 weeks is far too long to go & that's if I make it their in one piece as right now I'm a gibbering wreck .
Oh and I almost forgot about the restless legs - anybody have a hacksaw I can borrow ?

Ohfourfoxache Tue 17-Feb-15 21:25:34

grin Swansea hope yours goes quickly and smoothly - it's shit feeling shit sad

Walton I've just absolutely guffawed at the BJ comment grin sadly my consultant is female so I don't think a similar offer would have the same impact grin

pointythings Tue 17-Feb-15 21:28:50

Loathed being pregnant both times. I was nauseous every waking moment up to 21 weeks both times (but never throwing up sick) and yep, I recognise the need to snack constantly. The 'blooming' (read: no actual unpleasant symptoms) stage lasted a whole 6 weeks each time before I started in with the backache and the sodding heartburn. I never had heartburn before nor have I had it since.

Giving birth - bloody awful first time, walk in the park the second. I didn't mind the baby stage though, but it has to be said I went back to work at 6 months both times and it's been great having the DDs.

MrsDeVere Tue 17-Feb-15 21:31:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbluestars Tue 17-Feb-15 21:36:12

I think it is brilliant to be honest, I totally admire you for that Op, but by the same token you have to accept that some women find it a breeze.
Nothing to do with strength, or being a wuss, just that we are all different.
It is completely unfair for medical staff to brush off symptoms- your discomfort is real.

I am afraid though I was one of those pregnant women ( my first when I was 38) who sailed though- never felt sick once, no discomfort, pain or even stretch marks. I was painting a bedroom ceiling the day before I delivered.

Fingers crossed for an easy birth for you. X

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