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ex bil has died, wibu to send a card

(12 Posts)
wheresthelight Mon 16-Feb-15 21:32:02

My marriage ended on very bad terms. stbxh is an arse and a master manipulator and liar and whilst once his sister was one of my nest friends she no wouldn't piss on me if onwards on fire. I don't blame her, understandably she believes her brother implicitly and she made the choice to stand by him as she should.

however I always got on really well with her husband and I am genuinely gutted for her that he has died. I bumped into a mutual friend today who told me.

I really want to send a card but I also don't want to upset her at what will be am unbearable time for her. so wibu to send a sympathy card?

AmIIndecisive Mon 16-Feb-15 21:34:10

I think you should send a card and I am sure she will appreciate the fact that you are thinking of her.

Welshmaenad Mon 16-Feb-15 21:35:33

I would. My cousin died last year, in pretty horrific circumstances, and despite being NC with his father (my uncle) and mother for a number of years due to a nasty family feud, I sent them a sympathy card. I acknowledged our lack of contact and wrote about some of my memories of my cousin as we were growing up.

I didn't receive an acknowledgement, and didn't feel able to attend the funeral, but I feel as though the gesture would have been taken as intended, which was of empathy and comfort. Those kind of things transcend family feuds IMO.

CocktailQueen Mon 16-Feb-15 21:37:56

Yes, I would. That sort of thing is more important than arguments.

My ex FIL died recently and I felt I had to acknowledge it as he was a proper gent that I was fond of. I just sent exH an email, which he didn't reply to, and another to ex bil, who did reply, very nicely. It didn't feel too intrusive, I don't think. I would have liked to have gone to the funeral, but thought it would be insensitive.

wheresthelight Mon 16-Feb-15 21:58:40

thanks for the replies. I just want her to know I am thinking of her and sorry for her loss. her hubby was a truly lovely guy.

the friend thought it might not be well received which is why I thought I would canvas opinion as it just feels wrong to let it pass without saying anything

APlaceInTheWinter Mon 16-Feb-15 22:05:15

I think a card would be fine. It's not too intrusive but lets her know that you're thinking of her and are sorry for his passing.

MrsMook Mon 16-Feb-15 22:15:15

A card sounds like a reasonsble gesture, especially as you liked him and want to pay your respects for your relationship with him.

mickeyfartpants Mon 16-Feb-15 22:32:40

A similar situation happened to me and I did send a card. It wasn't for a funeral but for ex SIL's wedding. We weren't the best of friends but I knew how happy she was to be getting married and wanted to wish her well.

Just to warn you - I was called a manipulative bitch and told I was trying to 'worm my way back in'.

I would still send the card though, because it means that you have reached out to someone at a difficult time. But be prepared that they may see other motives for your kindness.

wheresthelight Tue 17-Feb-15 20:03:47

mickey I suspect i will be called every name under the sun and possibly a few ones too but I strolling along my higher path grin

londonrach Tue 17-Feb-15 20:06:40

Just send a card as he was a nice man and the support that card gives his wife would mean something to him. Sorry for your loss.

wheresthelight Tue 17-Feb-15 20:11:47

I have londonrach! I think may need to change my mobile number and move countries or even relocate to the space station when she receives it

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