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DH proposed holiday with his DB & DM

(155 Posts)
windchimes8 Mon 16-Feb-15 12:01:29

Just need perspective really. DH's DB has provisionally booked a holiday with their elderly DM on canal boat. DH only found out a few days ago and answer is needed today. It's for 7 nights later this year. During the time away I will be responsible for DS 21, evening meals, washing up, housework, 2 dog walks (approx. half hour each). I also work in the middle of the day at school standing/walking & putting up lunch tables . Last year injured knee, still not 100 percent but getting better slowly, osteoarthritis diagnosed. So excessive standing and walking gives flare up.

Has been suggested to make it 5 nights and/or half term week so no work for me, dog walker for 1st walk of the day which is usually off lead.

These suggestions will be made by DH to his DB but had cold shoulder from DH yesterday cos I didn't green light the hol. BIL can't go on his own with MIL as it would be too much work. They went away last year on the same hol 2 days after my injury, could not be cancelled or moved. AIBU?

expatinscotland Mon 16-Feb-15 12:03:20

Why is the 21-year-old needing looked after? Is he disabled?

changeychangechangeychange Mon 16-Feb-15 12:03:25

Does you DS 21 have additional needs?

iklboo Mon 16-Feb-15 12:03:27

Sorry - did you say your DS is 21 or is that a typo?

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 16-Feb-15 12:04:10

'responsible for DS21'? is that a typo? do you not have to do those things anyway?

CliveCussler Mon 16-Feb-15 12:04:47

I'm confused. Is it suggested that dh go on the holiday with or without you?

Is your ds 21 yrs or months?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Mon 16-Feb-15 12:05:05

I think you're being unreasonable, I'm afraid. Hire someone to walk the dog for you, just in case your knee isn't up to it, and I can't see the problem really.

juneau Mon 16-Feb-15 12:07:11

Surely a 21-year-old can look after himself (unless he's disabled?), and dog-walkers are readily available. YABU.

pinkyredrose Mon 16-Feb-15 12:07:48

Are you meant to be going or is DH wanting to go without you? Why did they book it without checking!

NotYouNaanBread Mon 16-Feb-15 12:08:46

Not sure I understand the problem here unless there's a typo re. age or DS is disabled? Can you clarify?

expatinscotland Mon 16-Feb-15 12:09:38

I think YABVU.

NotYouNaanBread Mon 16-Feb-15 12:11:33

As an aside, your BIL needs to have a bit of a rethink about the sort of holiday he can bring his elderly mother on - a canal boat holiday which requires two adults to care for the elderly mother is obviously badly thought through.

My uncle cared for my grandmother in their home for many years and in her last years he was very much in denial about the extent of her infirmity. He would get angry if my Dad (his brother) suggested extra assistance for her, as if Dad was suggesting that his brother was unable to care for her.

A canal boat is the last sort of holiday I would bring an elderly lady on.

ILovePud Mon 16-Feb-15 12:11:39

I'm assuming your 21 year old DS has a disability which means he needs someone to provide support and care for him? I'm curious too about MIL being too much work and whether this is the case or whether BIL is being unreasonable on this point, who looks after MIL normally? I do think it's cheeky for this holiday to have been provisionally booked without discussion with you and your BIL giving you the cold shoulder is totally out of order.

MojaveWanderer123 Mon 16-Feb-15 12:12:47

I'm confused if your son is 21 years old why can't he walk the dog unless it's a typo and you meant 21 months or does your son have additional needs??
Even if your child is 21 months I don't see the issue with it as it's not like it's a boys holiday now is it and he's going to be with his mum and brother...on a canal boat....boring!

WaxOnWaxOff Mon 16-Feb-15 12:14:23

An elderly lady that requires 2 adults looking after her - on holiday on a canal boat?? That is the stupidest fucking idea I've heard in a long time.

Hoppinggreen Mon 16-Feb-15 12:15:00

So they want to go and you would stay home with 21? Year old and dogs?
I think we need more info as to why mil and 21 year old need care and who usually does it

iklboo Mon 16-Feb-15 12:15:30

Canal boat holidays are lovely, but can be really strenuous getting on & off the boat, slippery towpaths etc. not ideal for an infirm elderly lady.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 16-Feb-15 12:17:20

lol it is true, I have been on several narrow boat holidays and they all require inmates to,
a. walk a tiny boarding plank
b. have all hands on deck for the opening and closing of the locks.

How that would suit a high maintenance elderly lady is beyond me

changeychangechangeychange Mon 16-Feb-15 12:17:23

There is nothing to suggest that she is infirm- just elderly and hard work- describes my 75 year old mother to a tea but she is physically very fit.

windchimes8 Mon 16-Feb-15 12:18:16

I meant DS 21 evening meals. He leaves for work very early & has a long day. Yes dog walkers can be found but I feel bad for the lack of prior discussion. MIL is elderly but mobile so can manage at home and on the hol. It is driving the boat, locks etc. which is the hard work. I think my suggestions are a fair compromise but think they will fall on stony ground i.e BIL.

NotYouNaanBread Mon 16-Feb-15 12:19:40

changey - yes there is - if she requires two adults to manage her on holiday, she is, by logical extension, somewhat infirm.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 16-Feb-15 12:19:43

well a 21 year old should be able to get his own meals.

I get that you are annoyed as you have not really been consulted.

lunar1 Mon 16-Feb-15 12:20:56

What lovely sons she has that they want to take her in holiday. I hope I'm so lucky in the future.

expatinscotland Mon 16-Feb-15 12:21:00

FFS! Evening meal. He gets a ready meal and heats it up himself. He's a grown man!

He can walk the dog once a day, too.


ILovePud Mon 16-Feb-15 12:21:10

I think if she's just 'hard work' emotionally then your BIL is being very unreasonable expecting your DH to leave you for a week with caring responsibilities for your DS given the physical health problems you have. If she needs two people to care for her because of physical fragility then I'd echo what PP's have said that a canal boat holiday is inappropriate.

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