My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

AIBU pregnant SIL

26 replies

MarbleBarbie · 16/02/2015 00:45

Basically (long story short) my SIL and I have a long history, she's hated me for years but I wasn't really very upset at first as I didn't see her very often and she spent a full year ignoring me. My DP is very supportive of me as they've never been close (he actually told me she wouldn't like me but not to care). Me and her are very very different but tbh that didn't bother me until I found out she'd been slagged me off a lot to anyone who'll listen even lying about things she's done but saying I did them. As I am the one who has come into her family it's made things very difficult as people have an idea about me before meeting me. She's thrown plenty of temper tantrums over things in our life that has nothing to do with her, DP and I have always stayed strong together (which ticks her off even more!). I've been told by a lot of people in my life as I have relayed stories she sounds jealous...

Recently she's fallen pregnant with a man she hardly knows and she can't stop rubbing it in my face. She's openly said she wanted to be first, that we should have to wait for her, she's even taken our baby name (a name me and DP discussed and said would be our child's name) because she got their first (prior to being pregnant had never said she wanted it, my partner and I are due TTC later this year as we planned years ago (we have always had a plan since uni) but she doesn't know this. I'm really worried if we do fall quite quickly (hopefully we do) it'll set off another tantrum and make things unbearable between her and her parents (they always side with her, no matter what)...

Just need some advice on how to handle her?

OP posts:
Report
MelonBallersAreStrange · 16/02/2015 00:50

Ignore her. Live your life as if she didn't exist.

Never pander to a tantrum. Never appease a bully.

If she makes things unbearable with her own family then that's her problem, not yours. If they side with her then so what?

Leave them all to their nonsense and just get on with your own life. You wouldn't want your future DC having much contact with them anyway, would you?

Report
BestZebbie · 16/02/2015 00:52

Don't 'handle' her - stop giving her any attention for kicking off, and just get on with doing what you and your DP want to do with your lives without considering her sensibilities in your plans.

Report
SurlyCue · 16/02/2015 00:56

never tell anyone your baby names before youve had your baby. There will always be one fecker to snap it up.

But i agree with others. Stop being bothered by what she says or does. Dont give her any space in your head. Dont react to her shite. She's behaving like a child and you only look like two toddlers fighting if you react to it. Ignore and get on with your life.

Report
CultureSucksDownWords · 16/02/2015 00:56

Ignore, ignore, ignore her. Limit what you tell her about your lives and minimise contact with her. Don't respond to any goading, fishing texts, emails or whatever. Keep it light and breezy if you do have to interact with her. Don't rise to any digs, respond with something noncommittal and move the conversation on to something harmless like a TV show she likes.

If/when you start TTC don't tell her. Don't tell her any future names you might decide on, or any other significant decisions you might make.

If you step away from the nonsense then she won't be able to perpetuate it. Any other relatives or family friends will soon realise the truth if you are normal and nice, and don't engage in her toxic behaviour.

Report
AcrossthePond55 · 16/02/2015 03:02

Make up a new name that you 'love, love, love' and have someone leak it to her. Maybe she'll steal that one instead.

Other than that, ignore her. She isn't worth any of your time or any space in your head.

Report
GloriousGoosebumps · 16/02/2015 04:49

I like the idea of making up a new name for your baby-to-be, your SIL sounds so competitive that she may well take the bait and give that name to her child instead. Of course, she may have the wrong sex baby, what ever happens wax lyrical about the new wonderful name you've found - she'll hate the fact that you're no longer upset by her stealing the first name.

Report
Ememem84 · 16/02/2015 06:46

Agree. Find a new baby name. Don't rise to anything just ignore. Easier said than done I know.

If you can without causing any more issues limit how much you share with her, don't have her on Facebook etc.

Report
Mrsstarlord · 16/02/2015 06:50

Why are you buying into it? It's not a competition, the baby name thing is daft. It's a name, choose another one and don't pander to her.

Report
PrettyLittleMitty · 16/02/2015 07:01

Tbh you both sound jealous and petty. What difference does it make how long she has known the father? The 'stealing' your name thing is silly, you don't own a name and you don't know that it isn't a name she has liked for a long time. Choose another name and move on.

Report
Lovemycatsandkids · 16/02/2015 07:17

Why are you spending time and energy on a sil you dislike.

Live your lives and go nc. You do your thing and let her do hers

Report
AwfulBeryl · 16/02/2015 07:18

Angry it sounds horrible. I bet everyone knows what she is like though and won't believe her lies about you.
I think eventually you will be able to rise above it and ignore her, but in experience it does take a while it dosnt happen over night, I think one day you will realise you really don't give a shit anymore.
In the meantime can I suggest a voodoo doll ? Her picture on a dart board ?
Oh and still use your name if you want to, don't let her put you off.

Report
VeronicaCaCa · 16/02/2015 07:19

Buy a pet rat/lizard/stick insect/something non-cute

Call it by "your" name

Post pics on facebook several times a day gushing about how adorable it is using "your" name A LOT eg "Sammy is TOTES ADORBS" ad nauseaum

Either she will go off name and call dc something else or everyone will think she named her dc after your non cute pet

Don't really do this

Seriously just cut her out of your life and move on Flowers

Report
AwfulBeryl · 16/02/2015 07:20

Although I love Gooosebumps idea, have a bit of fun with it.

Report
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 16/02/2015 07:58

I like veronica's idea.Grin

Report
RobotLover68 · 16/02/2015 08:05

you're in a competition you didn't enter - drop the rope and get on with your life - don't bother trying to battle her, it's wasted energy - live your life well and forget about her silly games, people will get the measure of her eventually

Report
ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 08:08

I think it sounds as though you both need to ignore each other completely from now on and stop telling stories about each other to other people.

Report
Preciousbane · 16/02/2015 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weathergames · 16/02/2015 08:11

LOVE Veronica's idea Grin

Report
Aeroflotgirl · 16/02/2015 08:12

Ignore her, go nc with her. She sounds utterly toxic.

Report
Spadequeen · 16/02/2015 08:16

Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her. If she wants to behave like a tantruming toddler, treat her like one.

Don't let her see your upset and yes to leaking a new name

Report
DoJo · 16/02/2015 08:38

I'm really worried if we do fall quite quickly (hopefully we do) it'll set off another tantrum and make things unbearable between her and her parents (they always side with her, no matter what)...

Just need some advice on how to handle her?

Stop worrying about what might happen - you might find it easy to conceive, you might not, but planning for a way to 'handle' her if you do sounds like you are engaging in this competitive pregnancy situation. If you aren't even planning to TTC until the end of the year, then what is there to tantrum about? She will have had her baby first by some margin and you will have the baby you planned all along.

Report
MarbleBarbie · 16/02/2015 10:56

thank you so much for all your comments!

Veronica your idea made me laugh so much!!

I have in the last week or so taken a step back and it's nice to know I've made the right decision Smile Wink Wink

Just gonna live and let live hopefully once her baby is born she'll be so in love with her bundle of joy she'll be happy and zen (here's hoping!)

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

MarbleBarbie · 16/02/2015 10:57

Haha they were mean to all be Smile faces! woops typing rushed on a phone Blush

OP posts:
Report
Hoppinggreen · 16/02/2015 11:12

A someone above said " drop the rope"
Imagine you are n a rug of war - drop the roe and she will fall on her arse.
Also do what veronicasaid

Report
sparechange · 16/02/2015 11:12

Veronica! Grin

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.