AIBU pregnant SIL(27 Posts)
Basically (long story short) my SIL and I have a long history, she's hated me for years but I wasn't really very upset at first as I didn't see her very often and she spent a full year ignoring me. My DP is very supportive of me as they've never been close (he actually told me she wouldn't like me but not to care). Me and her are very very different but tbh that didn't bother me until I found out she'd been slagged me off a lot to anyone who'll listen even lying about things she's done but saying I did them. As I am the one who has come into her family it's made things very difficult as people have an idea about me before meeting me. She's thrown plenty of temper tantrums over things in our life that has nothing to do with her, DP and I have always stayed strong together (which ticks her off even more!). I've been told by a lot of people in my life as I have relayed stories she sounds jealous...
Recently she's fallen pregnant with a man she hardly knows and she can't stop rubbing it in my face. She's openly said she wanted to be first, that we should have to wait for her, she's even taken our baby name (a name me and DP discussed and said would be our child's name) because she got their first (prior to being pregnant had never said she wanted it, my partner and I are due TTC later this year as we planned years ago (we have always had a plan since uni) but she doesn't know this. I'm really worried if we do fall quite quickly (hopefully we do) it'll set off another tantrum and make things unbearable between her and her parents (they always side with her, no matter what)...
Just need some advice on how to handle her?
Ignore her. Live your life as if she didn't exist.
Never pander to a tantrum. Never appease a bully.
If she makes things unbearable with her own family then that's her problem, not yours. If they side with her then so what?
Leave them all to their nonsense and just get on with your own life. You wouldn't want your future DC having much contact with them anyway, would you?
Don't 'handle' her - stop giving her any attention for kicking off, and just get on with doing what you and your DP want to do with your lives without considering her sensibilities in your plans.
never tell anyone your baby names before youve had your baby. There will always be one fecker to snap it up.
But i agree with others. Stop being bothered by what she says or does. Dont give her any space in your head. Dont react to her shite. She's behaving like a child and you only look like two toddlers fighting if you react to it. Ignore and get on with your life.
Ignore, ignore, ignore her. Limit what you tell her about your lives and minimise contact with her. Don't respond to any goading, fishing texts, emails or whatever. Keep it light and breezy if you do have to interact with her. Don't rise to any digs, respond with something noncommittal and move the conversation on to something harmless like a TV show she likes.
If/when you start TTC don't tell her. Don't tell her any future names you might decide on, or any other significant decisions you might make.
If you step away from the nonsense then she won't be able to perpetuate it. Any other relatives or family friends will soon realise the truth if you are normal and nice, and don't engage in her toxic behaviour.
Make up a new name that you 'love, love, love' and have someone leak it to her. Maybe she'll steal that one instead.
Other than that, ignore her. She isn't worth any of your time or any space in your head.
I like the idea of making up a new name for your baby-to-be, your SIL sounds so competitive that she may well take the bait and give that name to her child instead. Of course, she may have the wrong sex baby, what ever happens wax lyrical about the new wonderful name you've found - she'll hate the fact that you're no longer upset by her stealing the first name.
Agree. Find a new baby name. Don't rise to anything just ignore. Easier said than done I know.
If you can without causing any more issues limit how much you share with her, don't have her on Facebook etc.
Why are you buying into it? It's not a competition, the baby name thing is daft. It's a name, choose another one and don't pander to her.
Tbh you both sound jealous and petty. What difference does it make how long she has known the father? The 'stealing' your name thing is silly, you don't own a name and you don't know that it isn't a name she has liked for a long time. Choose another name and move on.
Why are you spending time and energy on a sil you dislike.
Live your lives and go nc. You do your thing and let her do hers
it sounds horrible. I bet everyone knows what she is like though and won't believe her lies about you.
I think eventually you will be able to rise above it and ignore her, but in experience it does take a while it dosnt happen over night, I think one day you will realise you really don't give a shit anymore.
In the meantime can I suggest a voodoo doll ? Her picture on a dart board ?
Oh and still use your name if you want to, don't let her put you off.
Buy a pet rat/lizard/stick insect/something non-cute
Call it by "your" name
Post pics on facebook several times a day gushing about how adorable it is using "your" name A LOT eg "Sammy is TOTES ADORBS" ad nauseaum
Either she will go off name and call dc something else or everyone will think she named her dc after your non cute pet
Don't really do this
Seriously just cut her out of your life and move on
Although I love Gooosebumps idea, have a bit of fun with it.
you're in a competition you didn't enter - drop the rope and get on with your life - don't bother trying to battle her, it's wasted energy - live your life well and forget about her silly games, people will get the measure of her eventually
I think it sounds as though you both need to ignore each other completely from now on and stop telling stories about each other to other people.
Ignore her, go nc with her. She sounds utterly toxic.
Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her. If she wants to behave like a tantruming toddler, treat her like one.
Don't let her see your upset and yes to leaking a new name
I'm really worried if we do fall quite quickly (hopefully we do) it'll set off another tantrum and make things unbearable between her and her parents (they always side with her, no matter what)...
Just need some advice on how to handle her?
Stop worrying about what might happen - you might find it easy to conceive, you might not, but planning for a way to 'handle' her if you do sounds like you are engaging in this competitive pregnancy situation. If you aren't even planning to TTC until the end of the year, then what is there to tantrum about? She will have had her baby first by some margin and you will have the baby you planned all along.
thank you so much for all your comments!
Veronica your idea made me laugh so much!!
I have in the last week or so taken a step back and it's nice to know I've made the right decision
Just gonna live and let live hopefully once her baby is born she'll be so in love with her bundle of joy she'll be happy and zen (here's hoping!)
Haha they were mean to all be faces! woops typing rushed on a phone
A someone above said " drop the rope"
Imagine you are n a rug of war - drop the roe and she will fall on her arse.
Also do what veronicasaid
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