why aren't I happier about this?

[LadyRainicorn]

Due to various shit things going on in my life work are offering to trial part time work for me. Dh has said go for the 3 days instead of the 4 on the grounds that it would be better for my health (there have been a LOT of shit things going on) and we would just lean more on him financiallyununtil youngest was put of nursery.

So why do I feel more of a failure than anything else? Money would be tight but we've survived that before, I'd have more time for me - for art, for photography, for exercise (lack of which is probably killing me), more relaxed time with the kids and my mum before she dies... I don't care that deeply about my career where I work, I was trying to leave had to turn down an exciting job earlier this year cos of stupid personal circumstances but part time would mean getting more of the interesting bits allegedly.

Is my pride really that big?

[DoJo]

It's not necessarily pride, just a perfectly natural fear of change, concern over whether making a life change like this is allowing your circumstances to dominate your life or any number of things that make you feel as though you are doing something that you wouldn't necessarily have envisaged for yourself had everything been panning out the way you would have hoped.

It's normal to want things to be 'normal' and feeling apprehensive about this change doesn't mean you have failed or that you are an egomaniac, just that you will take a while to adjust to the new regime. I think most people would feel the same.

[LadyRainicorn]

I feel like I should be jumping at the chance for a better pace of life but I don't like it because I don't want to be financially dependent in any way on anyone else. Which is stupid, because I think we're interdependent now. There's also an element of it being forced on me, so it's not really my choice.

Still need to get over the cutting my nose off to spite my face feeling though.

[DoJo]

Perhaps you need to actually be doing it and benefiting from it before you will start to see the positives - plenty of big life changes feel like a wrench at the moment you commit to them, even if it's something you've wanted forever! Are you in a position to give it a try and then change your mind later on? Because if so, then there's really nothing to lose and maybe focussing on that would make it easier to feel positive about it.

[LadyRainicorn]

No - I can't continue doing what I'm doing. I originally told them that to stay working for them I'd have to work from home half the week. We work all over the place so the odd day home working has always been allowed but this is incompatible with busy season (april-nov) and my current level/role and I knew this when I first asked. So I asked about different jobs in the firm (it's a big business). I think the part time option is because they really do not wish to loose a)my knowledge and experience out of the department and b) any more people of my grade out of the department.