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AIBU?

To ask how you felt returning to work after maternity leave?

18 replies

Twinklestar2 · 14/02/2015 22:20

I'm sorry but I couldn't find the right topic to post this in...

OP posts:

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lomega · 14/02/2015 22:23

Very odd, as if I wasn't really there, for the first 2 weeks or so. I think it was my body's way of trying to shut down my emotions because it was the first time I was leaving my baby. Afterwards I felt like I missed DS a lot, but it was bearable. Now, 6mos on, I actually enjoy work again and it's my 'me time' to be an adult and not be singing Peppa Pig theme tune

Kewrious · 14/02/2015 22:26

I found the baby stage boring so I found going back to work a relief. Although physically hard. I was breastfeeding and DS still had one night feed. But now he is 3, and I miss him so much when I am at work. He is a proper person, full of interesting chatter and I really value my time off with him.

GoingToBedfordshire · 14/02/2015 22:27

Don't mean to sound facetious, but there is a back to work topic here! Think you can ask for your post to be moved if you don't want it to stay in AIBU.

In answer to your question, I am hoping to return to work in some shape or form next year once dc3 starts school. I've been out of the workforce for 8 years and have very mixed feelings about it...

emmaliz · 14/02/2015 22:30

Personally the thought of it was worse than the reality. I was worrying about leaving my baby as well as practical stuff like how the hell was I going to get ready and leave the house. Once I went back it just turned fairly quickly into the new normal and I actually enjoyed it

Twinklestar2 · 14/02/2015 22:31

Ah thank you going, will get it moved - and also have a read on that board too. Thanks

OP posts:

Iggly · 14/02/2015 22:37

I think it depends on your job. I don't particularly enjoy mine and found it hard. Especially after my second baby when my first was at that magical age of 3. (I love this age). Now my youngest is 3, I've been back at work for 2 years and don't like it. But needs must.

GoingToBedfordshire · 14/02/2015 22:39

No probs, hope you find some support there.

GnomeDePlume · 14/02/2015 22:41

All 3 times I went back very quickly (6 weeks, 3 months, 4 weeks). This helped in that I hadnt got settled into a domestic routine.

When I went back after oldest was born I can remember having the occasional panic 'OMG have I remembered to leave DD at the childminder!'.

I didnt feel guilty as I was main breadwinner. There wasnt a choice si I just got on with it.

DCs are now 19, 16 & 15 and still talk to me!

How do you feel?

Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2015 23:37

I went back when DS was 10m and although I was ready to go back to work (fed up of the day to day drudgery of being at home) I missed DS terribly. I was in tears a lot during my first week. I hated it that once I was home from work I only got to see him for about 1.5 hours before bed - it felt so unfair and it really upset me.

I've been back at work for a month now and although I'm finding it easier I do still really miss him when
I'm away from him.

SlinkyB · 14/02/2015 23:43

The thought was way way worse than the reality (both times).

AliMonkey · 14/02/2015 23:50

I wasn't great at baby stage so relieved to some extent when I went back as planned at 6m. With DD (my first) I did enjoy being back but also was working close to home and nursery so knew I could get to DD quickly if needed. Found it good to be "me" rather than just a mum.

With DS I was shattered as had two DC and DS was still waking twice a night for feed. Also job had moved so had over hour commute. Also didn't have enough work to keep busy for first month so did begin to wonder why I was doing it - particularly as financially we could cope fine on DH salary. But once I got back into it, got busy and got DS off the night feeds then it was fine (although four years later resigned and got a more local job which I wish I had done sooner).

maras2 · 15/02/2015 00:00

I fell down on my knees and thanked The Lord.(Well almost) It was 40 years ago but I'm still the BAD MUMMY in in law circles (light hearted:honest)

Rabbishes · 15/02/2015 00:01

I hated every minute of it. I was the only one on my team with children and they seemed to think I'd been swanning about, living it up on "free" money (SMP) for nine months. I felt excluded from certain parts of the job, for example being asked with less than 24 hours notice to go to the Manchester office for a week and having to say no, "Oh, but we've already booked the hotel and the train tickets.......". In a lot of ways it felt like starting all over again. Before I went on maternity leave I was always chasing the next step and the next and the next, constantly pushing myself and I worked really hard to build a solid reputation as someone who could get the job done and get it done well. When I went back I felt like I was starting back from square one only this time I had additional commitments so couldn't do things like dick off to Manchester for a week with no warning or work until gone 8pm because something urgent had come in. So because I couldn't chase like I used to, I couldn't properly rebuild the reputation I'd lost while on leave and I just got more and more pissed off and unhappy. I was given a verbal warning for "lack of commitment to team goals" after taking a day off due to the baby being sick (couldn't send him to childcare) and another "discussion of concern" when we had bad snow and my childminder took the decision to close for the day and I had to take leave for it. I started getting left out of meetings and not copied in on emails, I would then get shit off my ma ager for "not keeping up" with the latest developments in whatever project we were working on. A senior manager said to me, very much off the record, that I made the decision to make myself less valuable to the team by going on maternity leave and that I had therefore made myself an easy target for the shit jobs and the snide comments from the rest of the team.

I got pregnant again very quickly, got signed off sick for the duration, and handed my notice in four weeks before the end of my maternity leave. I also filed a formal discrimination complaint

I've never been happier since I became a SAHM. It's not for everyone but it was the right decision for us. Nowadays I'm self-employed, working from home at the same time as looking after the DC.

I think you need to do what's right for you and your family and how well your return goes will depend on how much you like your job and how supportive your employer is.

mmgirish · 15/02/2015 00:27

Went back after 9 weeks and was relieved!

ASAS · 15/02/2015 00:32

I read the voluntary redundancy policy every morning. For a year. Things that didn't help were my mat leave temp being promoted above me and DS not settling at nursery for 8 months.

I got there though, you will too

Twinklestar2 · 15/02/2015 18:45

I think I'm ok about it but it might hit me when it's actually happening?!

The reason I ask is because I have to make a decision soon about when I go back as my son is 6 months now.

OP posts:

Kewrious · 15/02/2015 22:42

It made a massive difference to me that we had a fantastic CM. And we did a slow settling in period over nearly 2 months: 2 weeks of 4 hour daysx3. Then 2 weeks of 1 full day and 2 half (4 hour) days. Then 2 weeks of 2 full days and 2 half days. Then 2 weeks of 3 full days and 1 half day. And finally 4 days a week. Worked really well because it was so gradual- not a 3 day settling in period and we had ironed out most issues by the time I was at work.

eurochick · 15/02/2015 22:52

I went back FT when baby was six months old, a few weeks ago. I recognise what lomega said about the first couple of weeks being really odd.

I'm now finding leaving her easier than I did to begin with but not enjoying work. A lot of it just seems petty and pointless with the distance that being off for six months has given me, and I find myself struggling to care. I do enjoy eating lunch in peace though and having the commute to read uninterrupted. Six months of not having a minute to myself (it felt like) was tough.

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