to think this is not enough food for an eight year old?

[mindalina]

Picked DS up from his dad's, DS says he's starving can we have dinner straight away. Came home and put the dinner on and I asked what he's had to eat today and he said he had a bacon sandwich for breakfast and lunch and two cups of tea all day. That's one bacon sandwich for both breakfast AND lunch, not two separate bacon sandwiches. I don't want to ask prying questions of DS but I suspect what's happening here is that the lazy fucker ex is not getting up till lunchtime or just before, hence DS not getting breakfast.

AIBU? I don't think this is good enough.

[WorraLiberty]

I think it depends on what time he got up, what time he ate it and what time dinner was.

Would he not ask his dad for a snack if he was hungry after his sandwich?

[DamnBamboo]

How old is DS?
And if old enough, why doesn't he just tell his dad he's hungry.

[WorraLiberty]

He's 8 DamnBamboo

I also think it's difficult to accidentally starve a verbal eight year old

Mine would have been banging on for hours, or at least fed themselves.

[DamnBamboo]

Oh dear! Missed that in the thread title!
Sorry!
So why didn't he just say 'dad, I'm hungry'?
If he doesn't feel he can say that, then there are other issues to be honest.

That or just help himself to some cereal, or some toast or something.

[insanityscratching]

That's all my nearly twelve year old has eaten today and I've not even started dinner. TBH though she'd ask if she was that hungry or would help herself pretty sure your son could do the same.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Like others, unless there's some reason which will be drip fed,,I think an 8 yr old should either be getting his own breakfast if his dad is still asleep, or asking for lunch if the bacon was breakfast.

[redskybynight]

Well 9 year old DD has just started her tea and she's eaten one slice of toast and half a sandwich so far today. Not really a question of whether it's enough food but whether DS asked for more and was refused surely?

[hijk]

My 15 year old hasn't eaten any ore than that that yet today, and I expect will be hungry when it come to tea time.

An 8 year old can get their own breakfast.

[antimatter]

Or perhaps nothing in the house to eat and my ds after having a cup of tea isn't hungry.

[MarthaCostello]

It really depends on the child. That would've been plenty for a boy I used to look after, if he had slept in. But it's obviously not enough for your son if he's come home very hungry. So the real issue is why he hasn't asked for more food, or why his dad has refused/ignored his requests. If you have an OK relationship with his dad you could perhaps speak to him before his next stay. Otherwise could you send him with some snacks? Obviously you shouldn't have to feed him when he is with his dad, but if he doesn't want to ask his dad it might make things easier.

[mindalina]

I've just grilled him a bit (while also grilling the toast he requested after bolting his dinner ) and he says he reckons dad got up about ten, and they had bacon sandwiches a bit after this. Apparently he can't remember what time he got up, which usually means he was up at six to play on the computer. He doesn't have a response to why he didn't ask for something else. That could either be because they spend most of their time playing computer games, so it's easy to get distracted, or it could be about not feeling able to ask, I don't know - there was An Incident a while ago and DS got upset with dad's gf saying he couldn't eat certain stuff, but I had thought all of that had been resolved. I don't know how to ask that question without it seeming very loaded! Ex has a flatmate and they both have girlfriends who are routinely there at the weekends so I do suspect it doesn't really feel like a home environment for DS, but that's just my opinion...

We had dinner about quarter past five because I did it as soon as we got in - we don't normally eat until six-ish though. Ex does know this because we normally organise pick ups and drop offs to be just before dinner.

[mindalina]

I've x-posted with loads, sorry.

I can't get out of DS why he didn't ask for something else or get some breakfast for himself. He's just shrugging and looking awkward. I don't know if this a nothing and DS has just been a bit of a prat or whether there is something going on here with ex/ex's gf.

I am inclined to think - although it would look like plenty don't agree - that a parent should be offering three meals a day! If the child doesn't want anything that's one thing, but I can't imagine not giving my kids the option.

No I don't have a particularly ok relationship with ex. It's reasonably civil at the moment but if I bring this up it is likely to be construed as an attack on his parenting and cause ructions.

[afreshstartplease]

That would not be enough for my five or seven year old boys

They also wouldn't be drinking tea

[ahbollocks]

If its a flat share he obviously can't help himself to whatever as he wont know who's food is who's. Poor kid.
Can you have a quiet word with his dad and ask him to show him a cupboard that is his, make sure he can reach etc?
Also id stick some cereal bars in his overnight bag just incase.

[diddl]

Well if the bacon sandwiches were breakfast, why was there no lunch?

It does seem odd that he couldn't tell his dad that he was hungry (if he was)

Maybe he didn't start to get hungry until just before he was fetched?

Surely that's the thing, whether or not he was been feeling hungry?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I think.whats more worrying is that they spent soooo much time playing computer games that lunch skipped by before anyone realised.

you seem to think. He got four hours in before the dad even got up.

[Bluepants]

My 8yo is a picky eater and skinny. He would be starving if he'd only eaten that all day. I'd see if you can get ds to ask for food or pack him a snack.

[SoonToBeSix]

An eight year old should not need to ask for meals they should be provided for them at the appropriate times.

[mindalina]

I would like to know the answers to all these questions too! DS is not forthcoming with information. I don't want to bang on at him about it.

It's interesting that there are a lot of kids who'd be quite content with just a bacon sandwich between getting up and dinner, so it could be the case that he didn't get hungry until just before I went to get him. Most days both of my kids pester me endlessly for food, so it doesn't seem likely to me, but kids are different in different environments.

Maybe I will say to ex that DS has got into sorting his own breakfast out (he doesn't because I make a big pan of porridge for both kids) so could he make sure the cereal is in reach or something.

[Madamecastafiore]

An 8 year old can tell someone when they are hungry. Sometimes if I am cleaning or doing something with one of the DCs I will forget about doing lunch but one of them will soon remind me when they are hungry.

I'd be more concerned that my kid was being left for 4 hours playing computer games before an adult got up.

[mindalina]

Soontobesix that is what I think, tbh. Giles - yes, it's shit I know, but I can't do anything about that. I'm not going to send him with food - I put up with stupid crap like that when we first separated - if he really can't manage to adequately feed DS over a 24 hour period then I will change the contact arrangement to something he can cope with

[WorraLiberty]

What time did he actually eat his dinner?

[UncleT]

Do people really let eight-year-olds make toast unsupervised?

[mindalina]

Quarter past five Worra, I did dinner when we got in. I did say but double-posted so buried it. We wouldn't normally eat till about six.