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To think dp drugs abuse shouldn't be laughed at?

(15 Posts)
Ilikemashpotatoe Sat 14-Feb-15 12:35:22

Just recieved a text off a "friend" telling me to have a look at what someone had wrote on fb about dp brother.
He is a lost cause and heavily involved in taking drugs. My dp and his family have tried to help him with no luck. He lives with his parents still who chucked him out the other week as after giving him £2000 to "sort his life out" he wasted it all on drugs. (Stupid idea IMO, he obviously wasn't going to be trusted with that money but his parents are a bit clueless!) anyway they have given him a second chance.
This person wrote on fb that my dp brother had been to his door and tried selling him drugs. A lot of comments from people laughing about the situation and how much of a lost cause he is. He was obviously high at the time. I know this because he knocked on our door. Dp was out and I was on the phone to hospital so told him I would tell dp that he dropped by.
I'm annoyed at the fact that people are laughing and talking so publicly about dp brother and that my "friend" felt the need to like the post and so eager to make me aware of it. Because as far as I'm concerned that's shit stirring and all she wanted was a reaction from me.
I told dp about the comments but what can anyone do. It's embarrassing to him and the hole situation makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel sorry for his brother but at the same time he isn't helping himself in any way.
AIBU to think this was unkind and think that everyone is just laughing at him?

Ilikemashpotatoe Sat 14-Feb-15 12:38:50

Dp brothers drugs abuse**

KitKat1985 Sat 14-Feb-15 12:42:08

I would probably comment on the post with something icy like 'so glad you all find DP's brothers situation so amusing, I hope it never happens to anyone in your families'.

gamerwidow Sat 14-Feb-15 12:44:02

Yanbu it is a terribly cruel thing to post on fb. Not only is it horribly insensitive to the terribly desperate situation your dp's brother is in it is also hurtful to the friends and family of dp's brother who no doubt find his decline very painful.

TheHoneyBadger Sat 14-Feb-15 12:44:28

it is unkind but people are stupid and when people live in the same place for too long people take on, or get given roles imo. it is then very hard to change when you've been given the role of 'village idiot' or 'hapless twat' or 'druggie', 'lost cause' whatever.

sounds like he could really do with a fresh start somehow.

would you feel able to sit down with him and show him all the comments and express how sad for him and how sad and shameful it all is? maybe no one has done that - maybe no one has bothered to say look this is shit, this is embarassing, you're better than this ffs and you deserve and need more to just be the butt of jokes?

you might be doing him a massive favour by taking him and his dignity seriously.

LongDistanceLove Sat 14-Feb-15 12:45:30

Yanbu at all, I too would post something along the lines of what KitKat said.

TheHoneyBadger Sat 14-Feb-15 12:56:45

i wouldn't post anything OP - please don't make more of a circus of him.

just talk to him.

Ilikemashpotatoe Sat 14-Feb-15 12:58:42

Honeybadger.. You're defiantly right about being branded "the village idiot" or whatever it is they think of him. It's such a sad situation.
I would love to write something along the lines of that. The people that have commented have all grown up with him and I know that a lot of them have actually been involved in drugs. They are no better and it will no doubt end up in an argument with me against them if I did post. They are just not worth it.
Dp has tried talking to him, literally everytime he sees him he has a talk but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
Dp is always giving him clothes so he can look half decent but whenever we see him out and about he always looks a mess. He has mental health issues which I am pretty sure have been caused by the drugs.
It is just so insensitive to be writing things like that.

DoJo Sat 14-Feb-15 13:03:32

Perhaps that's the only way they know to respond to someone turning up on their doorstep trying to sell them drugs. I can see that it is embarrassing for your partner, but I wouldn't want to be accosted in my home by someone trying to sell me drugs whilst of their faces and it's not the kind of behaviour which elicits a particularly sensitive response.
I understand that it is difficult for you, and I agree that this 'friend' isn't behaving very well by colluding in it, but people don't really know how to deal with someone they know losing control of their behaviour in such a public manner.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this, but don't waste your energy worrying about these people - they aren't worth it and you will need all your strength to deal with the brother's behaviour.

Ilikemashpotatoe Sat 14-Feb-15 13:27:03

I know exactly what you are saying dojo. I also wouldnt be welcoming somebody knocking on my door trying to sell me drugs.
But he obviously went to this person because he knew he takes drugs so at the same time, naming and shaming is just making him look like an idiot. To be fair to him, he isn't actually saying anything unkind it's just the fact he went out of his way to humiliate the brother (even though it's the family who are actually bothered) it's everyone else rising to the post.
You are right I shouldn't be wasting my time getting upset over this and will need to focus on helping him. If I see him I think I may show him the post or tell dp to, maybe he will take notice. All we can do is try, but ultimately it has to be up to him to want to change and we all know this.

TwoOddSocks Sat 14-Feb-15 13:56:42

YANBU horrible way to react to the situation. People can be pretty ignorant about drug abuse. Even if they have no sympathy with your DP's brother they should at least realise it's upsetting to the rest of the family. Very unpleasant.

TwoOddSocks Sat 14-Feb-15 13:58:04

Ergh especially since they've been involved in drugs themelves but been lucky enough to escape addiction. I guess they like to think they've avoided becoming addicted due to some kind of superiority which is probably not true.

TheHoneyBadger Sat 14-Feb-15 14:55:26

his brother has talked to him a million times.

seriously - you doing it - you showing concern for everyone laughing at him, for him being humiliated like this and reduced to a laughing stock when 'surely you must want more than this' etc is new, may pierce walls that are about 'used to it', 'more of the same', 'habitual, desensitised' etc.

if you can do it then give it a go.

they all laugh at him, his brother is his brother. maybe you're different, clean, mother of his niece/nephew, 'outside' of all that.

worth a try.

Ilikemashpotatoe Sat 14-Feb-15 19:56:41

Thank you for all your comments.
I think if he knocks on my door again I will invite him in and try to talk to him. Anythings worth a try. I just feel it's so sad. It's as if my IL have given up with trying so maybe he will listen to me. I've known him from a young age, before he started drugs and everybody loved him. He was so gentle and kind. If it were my son, I would want somebody else to try and talk to him. Thank you all for your advice.

bigjimsdiamondmine Sat 14-Feb-15 21:42:22

yanbu, those people sound like bitches. So nasty. Good luck to your dp brother, hope he gets the help he needs one day.

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