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To allow DD to go to a sleepover at a house where I haven't met the parents.

(59 Posts)
fibromum Sat 14-Feb-15 11:19:47

DD13 is in 2nd year at high school (will be in 3rd year in 3.5 months time) She is off to a sleepover tonight with a girl I have not met.

My plan was to dropp DD off and meet the girls mum then but DD has just told me the mum will be at work so they will be on their own for an hour.

I told DD no, that I will drop her off once the sleepover girls mum is home and DD is having a typical teenager rant about it.

I will say there is a second girl also going who I have only met once BUT this other girls mum is the deputy head of the school the girls go to so I have met her through the school. My thinking is well the deputy head knows the sleepover family and is happy for her DD to go so should I.

So AIBU to insist I meet the sleepover girls mum or should I let DD go at the original arranged time.

Me624 Sat 14-Feb-15 11:21:36

Your DD is 13, not 3. YABVU.

DolphinsNose Sat 14-Feb-15 11:23:12


AgentProvocateur Sat 14-Feb-15 11:32:29


Coconutty Sat 14-Feb-15 11:35:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IHaveBrilloHair Sat 14-Feb-15 11:38:30


Birdsgottafly Sat 14-Feb-15 11:40:21

My DDs are adults now.

I didn't insist on meeting other parents, but checking that they were actually staying were they said.

Teens still need a level of protection and support.

however Sat 14-Feb-15 11:41:14

It's an hour. It won't kill her. I like to eyeball the parents. Yanbu.

titchy Sat 14-Feb-15 11:41:28

I think if host's family were undesirables of any sort deputy head would know about it and be highly unlikely to let her dd stay there, so yes yabu.

fibromum Sat 14-Feb-15 11:41:49

Thanks for the replys. I will let her go.

There was a tiny bit of me that knew AIBU hence why I pointed out that they were almost 3rd year but there was a part of me that was just not sure about sending her.

I would normally talk it through with DH but he's on a 12hr shift.

FarFromAnyRoad Sat 14-Feb-15 11:41:56

YAB so so U - she's 13 ffs. What on earth do you think is going to happen?

wheresthelight Sat 14-Feb-15 12:07:50

glad you have decided to let her go but you need to remember that you won't meet many of her friends parents from now on and at 12/13 they are more than capable of looking after themselves for an hour!

Vvvoom Sat 14-Feb-15 13:03:54

Can't you ring the mum and just check she's ok about the sleepover. I epuld

Vvvoom Sat 14-Feb-15 13:04:03


Hathall Sat 14-Feb-15 13:08:14

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I would want to meet the mum too. Not because I'm worried or anything but just to know whose house my dd was staying at overnight. 13 is still young.

calmexterior Sat 14-Feb-15 13:09:33

I'd meet the mum.

gabsdot45 Sat 14-Feb-15 13:10:50

Agree with Hathall. YANBU. You need go meet the adults who will be responsible for your child all night.

confusedgirlfromtheShire Sat 14-Feb-15 13:17:57

At 13, alone in a house with my mates and no parents to be seen, I would have taken the opportunity to raid the booze cabinet and snaffle as much as I could in a mineral water bottle to drink later. That's pretty much exactly what I DID do, in fact. Several times. I wasn't even that much of a badass as a rule. Depends on your DD and how she thinks though.

AugustRose Sat 14-Feb-15 13:20:19

I can't say YABU as we are having a sleepover for my DD (13) and one of the girls coming I haven't met before. My DD gave her my phone number so her mum could call if she was worried but I haven't heard from her so assume she is OK with her DD staying with us.

I think if it was the other way round I would probably wait until the mum was home.

Imscarlet Sat 14-Feb-15 13:22:32

For all of you saying how unreasonable the OP is, when I was 13 I went to sleepovers where there were no parents present, there was alcohol, cigarettes and older brothers. This was more than 20 years ago. I had a connection with the school like the other friend who is going to the sleepover and had VERY responsible parents and these were friends in rural, well to do areas. I'd be more inclined to let a 3 year old go than a 13 year old TBH.

MilkThistle187 Sat 14-Feb-15 13:23:59

I usually just send a text to the mum just to check that she knows about the sleepover and is ok with my dc staying. I have teenagers sleeping over in my house every weekend and it is very rare that anyone's parent rings or texts to check with me. I had 7 here last Saturday and have never met or spoken to any of their parents.

SantanaLopez Sat 14-Feb-15 13:24:17

If you're only delaying her going by an hour, what's the problem? She's still getting to go.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 14-Feb-15 13:26:24

YANBU at all. She is still a child and you want to know that the parents will be responsible. I would ask for the parents number and call them up and have a chat about the arrangements. if there is anything you are concerned about.

WorraLiberty Sat 14-Feb-15 13:32:04

I have a 15yr old and a 12yr old DS and when I'm in this position, I ask them for the parent's phone number.

Then I give them a ring and just check it's ok with them. I can normally get the 'feel' of the parent on the phone...well just as much as I could if I spoke to them face to face.

Ime the parents have always sounded pleased to receive the call and have the chance for a quick chat.

I made a real twat of myself a few months ago though. I rang the number and my DS's friend's Dad answered. I was feeling a bit awkward anyway and ended up saying, "Oh hi, is that Tom's dad? This is John's Dad....NO! Sorry! I mean this is John's mum obviously!!"

Great start blush

Janethegirl Sat 14-Feb-15 14:10:44

Have you considered that the friend may have told her mum that she's going to a sleepover and all the girls are going to be somewhere else?? Teenage girls can be very devious.

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