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AIBU to think parents need to take responsibility not the school....

(30 Posts)
farflungfanny Sat 14-Feb-15 08:24:34

Recently moved due to dh's job, which takes him away a lot, I'm a SAHM.
Listening to some of the other parents complaining about the school not doing enough for their children. Kids are being disruptive, angry, not listening etc.
A lot of the families have at least one parent away for long periods and a parent at home.
Some families have both parents working away, sometimes at the same time,so children being cared for by grandparents, staying in school longer etc.
They don't seem to see the connection of no parent at home means an unhappy child.
I understand that there are plenty functioning families where both parents work and have happy children.
I'm talking about when one or both parents are away for periods of time.
Should it be up to the school to 'treat' these children differently and throw support at them, or should the parents stop blaming the school for failing them and take some responsibility themselves.

WireCat Sat 14-Feb-15 08:27:08

So there should always be one SAHP? How does that work financially?
Op you are naive. Or goady.

forago Sat 14-Feb-15 08:29:00

well the worse behaved child in my DC class is one of the few boys who has a SAHM so I'm not sure your very generalised theory hold.

Charlotte3333 Sat 14-Feb-15 08:29:30

Both, I think. I think, though, it's easy for schools to blame home life and it's easy for parents to blame schools. Many of ES' friend parents don't back school up when dealing with bad behaviour which gives the children a green light to continue. And schools are limited as to what they can put in place to support each and every child because class sizes are large, support costs money and they're all working to a tight budget.

AuntieStella Sat 14-Feb-15 08:29:52

What exactly is it that they think the school should be doing?

Some requests are reasonable, others may not be.

a good school will do a lot for whatever sort of pupil arrives.

forago Sat 14-Feb-15 08:30:09

same in both my other children's classes, now I come to think about it.

Icimoi Sat 14-Feb-15 08:31:57

Must admit I'm not getting this, far flung. You start your post by saying your dh has taken a job which means he's away from home a lot. Then you suggest that children have problems when one parent is away for long periods and it's the parent's fault. Is this some sort of dig at your husband?

askyfullofstars Sat 14-Feb-15 08:35:02

I really dont see what the op is saying other than "my children behave because Im a SAHP, children with WOHP, are, in the main, not as good and have naughty children".
YABU and Goady.
People parent differently, whether there is a SAHP or not. The most disruptive, destructive, spoilt and naughtiest (much as I dislike that word), child in our family has a SAHM. So, WOHM/SAHM, makes mo difference, it just depends how you actually parent your child.

Frusso Sat 14-Feb-15 08:36:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey Sat 14-Feb-15 08:36:33

The only families I know who have children with challenging behaviour are wracked with guilt about not being able to spend more time at home with their child.

I like to think that the vast majority of parents are doing the best they can within their own family circumstances.

farflungfanny Sat 14-Feb-15 08:37:41

Again, it's not about SAHP's where in most cases one parent at home while the other works and comes home at the end of the day at some point.
I'm talking about when both parents work away sometimes at the same time.

youbethemummylion Sat 14-Feb-15 08:41:04

I'm guessing you live on an Army base?

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey Sat 14-Feb-15 08:42:21

Sorry, my first paragraph might suggest that I think a SAHP is the solution to naughty behaviour. Far from it.

What I meant to say was that parents of children who behave poorly (isn't this all of us at times?) may feel guilty that they don't spend more time at home, but they shouldn't feel that way.

It's what we do with the time we have with the child that matters most. Play, talk, give them our attention.

Oh, I'm wording this badly.

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey Sat 14-Feb-15 08:45:08

X post. Sorry, I misunderstood your point. It's clearer now.

I agree that behaviour problems might be connected to having both parents away frequently. But sympathise with those parents who have no choice.

honeysucklejasmine Sat 14-Feb-15 08:47:51

I assume you mean a forces parent on deployment? If the school is a forces school or has a large number of forces children, they should have something in place to support them, even if it's a token gesture. Although something actually useful would be better, I'm not sure what that is!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sat 14-Feb-15 08:48:18

It sounds like you live in a fairly unique situation e.g. army base or ex-pat community - it's very unusual for two working parents to work away a large amount of time. You probably need to get perspective from posters in that context as the schools may have different expectations of pastoral care, I'm guessing.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sat 14-Feb-15 08:48:51

"fairly unique" hmm - I mean "fairly unusual"

UptheChimney Sat 14-Feb-15 08:50:43

I agree that parents leave far too much up to the school, or someone else. BUT

It's not about whether there's a SAHP or not or whether both parents work, or whatever checks to see if DS, son of a widow, is a vandal it's to do with HOW parents parent.

Frusso Sat 14-Feb-15 08:50:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LePetitMarseillais Sat 14-Feb-15 08:55:35

Don't forces kids get extra funding so surely it is up to the school.

I was a forces child and it's shit. Being forced to live on one salary and give up a career due to the other parent being unable to hold down a job due to moving is hard.If the second wp needs to be away to hold down that job surely they should be supported not criticised.

Not enough is done to support forces families and children imvho so yabu.

youarekiddingme Sat 14-Feb-15 08:55:40

I assumed you meant forces families as well? Where both parents may be away for months at a time and children stay with grandparents?

Whether the school should pick up the flak formtheirmbehaviour remains to be seen. Schools have a degree of responsibility but there are not counselling services for children struggling with instability. Yet they do have to rpovidemoastoral care for this, and yes, these children may need and therefore should get more support if that's what they need.

My DS gets more supoort than the majority of children who attend his school - because he has asd. I'd hate to think other parents assumed it is because I am a WOH LP. I couldn't change our 'circumstances' because I stayed at home.

IME sometimes forces parents are away for a period of time at the same time. But I've never known it to be frequent or the norm. Just something that happens occasionally due to operational needs.

HoraceCope Sat 14-Feb-15 08:56:58

it is not really a matter of blame surely, parents are trying to do their best juggling working life and children.
i am sure there is no magic wand either

youarekiddingme Sat 14-Feb-15 08:57:48

Excuse the typos. Bloody iPad and lack of proofreading!

Icimoi Sat 14-Feb-15 09:01:08

I'm talking about when both parents work away sometimes at the same time.

But, OP, you said "I'm talking about when one or both parents are away for periods of time."

Which is it?

meditrina Sat 14-Feb-15 09:01:11

Op: could you clarify whether you mean Forces Families?

I think it's relevant in considering the total challenges these families face, and which is about far more than a bit of a whinge at the schools gate.

Also there's little point in diverting in to the Military Covenant, new superbase posting policy etc and what support there should be for families in a variety of military circumstances if you mean something different.

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