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Not want to take my baby to work

(24 Posts)
Ridingthestorm Fri 13-Feb-15 21:06:16

Colleagues are wanting to see my baby once she is born. I honestly believe that most couldn't give a flying toss and are being 'polite'. Although if I don't, I would be made to feel guilty and colleagues could end up shunning me moreso!

I have had a strained relationship with my boss for 6 months. After 4 years of what I thought was a fantastic working relationship (I admired and liked her immensely), she started being horrible towards me. She said some hurtful things and smashed and battered my confidence and self esteem. I went on sick leave for a few months. She contacted me via letter twice and numerous personal texts and these lifted my spirits. It was this that persuaded me to return to work to 'build bridges', prove to myself I could 'do the job' and show her that I was strong and didn't hate or dislike her. (I wrote a very long letter which didn't hold back on my feelings!!!)

In the five weeks I have been back, she hasn't ONCE done the things she said she would do. She has NEVER been to see me in my area of work or ASKED how I was feeling and getting on. In fact, a colleague even complained to another one of our line managers about the lack of care and concern towards me and him. So today was my final day before maternity leave. I left WITHOUT her saying goodbye or good luck. I went to the office and said goodbye and she completely ignored me. No text since (like the secretary did when she missed me) to wish me luck or anything.

So now I am feeling very, very hurt. I went back to work on the understanding that she cared, wanted me back and was committed to suporting me. Clearly everything she said in letters and texts was a complete and utter lie. Colleagues are gobsmacked about her rudeness and lack of care about the health and well-being of staff in general, never mind just me!

It was the treatment during the last five weeks that have made me think; "What is the point of making an hour's trip to visit people/persons who simply don't give a flying f* about me???" (Not just my boss, but various staff who are 'close' to her and quite frankly plain ignorant!)

Am I BU about this? Seriously, the last 6 months have been hell trying to cope with pregnancy, hormones and what I now think is depression caused by stress. I had very few colleagues who came to wish me luck. It was horrible. I felt so isolated and ignored prior to my sick leave and now it feels my feelings have been justified.

So much I could say about things said/done to me in the last 6 months but just too numerous!

Thanks for getting this far down the thread. I just want some honest (but sensitive) comments to tell me if I am right or wrong for not wanting to go into work with my baby. I just don't see the point taking my baby into an environment where I am not liked or valued. sad

Discopanda Fri 13-Feb-15 21:10:59

You aren't obligated to visit whilst you're on mat leave, just email them a photo once your DD is born and say how busy being a new mum is.

skylark2 Fri 13-Feb-15 21:13:57

Surely when you take your baby into work, it's to show him/her to your colleagues, not your boss? I would go visit your officemates who've been supportive and not bother with your boss.

RJnomore Fri 13-Feb-15 21:14:20

Dont you think you are a but overly emotionally invested in this boss?

CuttingOutTheCrap Fri 13-Feb-15 21:14:53

See how you feel once your baby arrives, you may find you want to visit, or you may not. Either is fine! Discos suggestion of a photo is perfect if you decide you don't want to

Only1scoop Fri 13-Feb-15 21:16:11

Go in on her day off....if you can be bothered....all that token trips into work with new baby is not really my thing though....soon you won't give a toss what she may or may not think or do anyhow.

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Feb-15 21:16:31

In the nicest possible way, I don't think anyone will be particularly bothered.

Baby photos will do the job.

MrsMinton Fri 13-Feb-15 21:20:53

Email a photo and arrange coffee with the ones you actually want to see.

ShatterResistant Fri 13-Feb-15 21:21:07

I don't see in your OP whether you're planning on going back to work. I found taking my babies in to be a really good way of showing I was still "part of the team". My colleagues saw the "new me" and I felt that eased the transition when I went back. Of course, if you're not planning to go back, it doesn't matter at all what you do!

ShatterResistant Fri 13-Feb-15 21:23:03

P.s. Others are right when they say you won't give your boss a second thought once the baby is born. Which sounds like it's a good thing.

Kikiw123 Fri 13-Feb-15 21:24:23

I don't think yabu, once you have your beautiful baby all you will think about is your family, please don't ruin this special time of your life stressing over this.
Why don't you contact a few of the colleagues you do like and invite them to you once the baby is born? That way you're making an effort with the people you do like and not letting the ones you don't like stress you unnecessarily.
Good luck with everything and enjoy every minute of your precious maternity leave. I wish I at that stage again, I loved it! Xx

Sparklepup Fri 13-Feb-15 21:25:13

Agree send a photo in. Seriously though - would look for a new job once your mat leaves over - sounds like theres a poor relationship between you and your boss, which is unlikely to get better when you return if that how she acted before you finished.

HootsMon Fri 13-Feb-15 21:25:45

I hate it when people bring their babies into work - it's so disruptive and what's the point - you've seen one baby, you've seen them all!

smearedinfood Fri 13-Feb-15 21:28:19

You'll realise there are more important things to think about than your boss when you're baby is born. But you do want a good working relationship because you'll have to take days off when your child is sick. So fake it.

Only1scoop Fri 13-Feb-15 21:29:50

When I worked in an office environment the only good thing was the new mum would bring cakes in....

LadyLuck10 Fri 13-Feb-15 21:32:35

I do think people are just being polite when they ask to see the baby. A photo will do.

ApplesTheHare Fri 13-Feb-15 21:34:27

I haven't bothered taking dd into work though colleagues keep asking. It's an hour round trip and I've got better things to do. I just smile and agree to take her in when it comes up but have no intention of ever doing sogrin

Roomsdoom Fri 13-Feb-15 21:37:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Fri 13-Feb-15 21:43:01

You're boss will be the least of your concerns once your baby is born. I didn't visit after I'd had my PFB cos I hated the bloody place and was glad of the maternity leave to be away from the shithole.

Sallycinnamum Fri 13-Feb-15 21:46:06

OP I read your post thinking "is this me"?

I worked for a lovely company for nine years when I got pregnant back in 2008. For eight of this years I loved my job until I got 'promoted' to another part of the organisation.

It was clear from the outset my manager didn't like me and as time went on I became more and more stressed out, which only got worse when I revealed I was pregnant.

Tbh, he cast a black cloud over my pregnancy and it got do bad I ended up taking maternity leave early.

I was strong armed into taking my 6 week old DS in and I wish to god I hadn't bothered. My colleagues in the new department basically couldn't give a shit and I ended up taking voluntary redundancy in the end because I couldn't face going back.

It was telling that on my last day before mat leave my old colleagues organised a lunch for me and my old boss was the one who gave a little leaving speech. My new manager fucked off for the afternoon saying he was at an important meeting-nice.

Leaving was definitely the right thing for me. Life's too short to be treated like shit in the workplace!

WipsGlitter Fri 13-Feb-15 21:48:54

Some people bring the baby in. Others don't.

It does sound like you need to detach a bit from this "boss".

SorchaN Fri 13-Feb-15 21:56:27

I love it when people bring a new baby to work! I love babies and it's always exciting seeing a colleague with a new family member.

It sounds like the difficulties with your boss are causing you a lot of stress. Does you boss have issues with your pregnancy? I mean, you might not know about it, but it's possible that your boss has personal reasons for finding your pregnancy difficult, like if she can't have children for some reason. That doesn't excuse the behaviour, but might help you understand it.

Ultimately it has to be your choice. See how you feel when your baby is a few weeks old - you might feel quite excited about showing him/her off.

Ridingthestorm Fri 13-Feb-15 22:09:28

Thanks for the replies.

I think a text and photo is a definite. Some colleagues will make an effort to visit I am sure (like last time with DC1). My boss won't be at work for three days in late Spring so if I feel up to it, that might be a best time to visit work and look like I am making an effort to 'show my face'.

When a working relationship has gone from good to bad in a matter of weeks, you do spend a lot of time thinking about it and worrying about it. I liked and admired her a lot prior to being pregnant but since then, she has said and done some hurtful things. Union and health professionals think I am being bullied/singled out due to pregnancy because of other matters that have occurred in school which didn't directly affect me but my pregnancy impacted on those significantly.

I am returning to work - part time if she allows it. She seemed positive when she brought it up three months ago at a meeting. Although, my paranoia is tellingme it won't happen. I am also looking for another job. My realtionship with the boss is shattered beyond repair I think - certainly that is how it seems now. sad I don't feel 'safe' in my job.

I have been off for 13 weeks of my pregnancy - so no, not most of it. I am also seeing a counsellor for my problems. I have one session left next week. The sessions have helped but I just hoped that time was a healer. Clearly not.

Thanks again for the honesty and for not being harsh!!!! I will endeavour to enjoy my maternity leave and not worry so much about what my boss thinks of me. i think I already know now so no point overthinking it!!

Ridingthestorm Fri 13-Feb-15 22:12:21

Oh, boss is a mother herself! She has two children under 11. She has made me think pregnancy has been a 'nuisance' for her (someone pregnant every year since 2002 but she has only been there 4 years).

I am detatching as I type!!!

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