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to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one? (PART 2)

(242 Posts)
middleschoolmuddle Fri 13-Feb-15 09:45:10

...just in case there is something else I need to hear.

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 09:49:26

YABU to continue this thread

middleschoolmuddle Fri 13-Feb-15 09:50:18

I was hoping to hear back from nooka about my risk taking behaviour…

Surely if the worst comes to the worst, we sell our property, pay off our mortgage and buy a smaller property mortgage free. Plenty of people are living (quite happily) in houses that cost 300K but with 20 odd years to run on a £150K mortgage. I really don't see that as a huge risk nooka.

middleschoolmuddle Fri 13-Feb-15 09:51:32

APot grin, it was Zero's idea.

DeanKoontz Fri 13-Feb-15 09:51:34


PrivatePike Fri 13-Feb-15 09:53:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 10:03:21

I'm not 100% sure that Zero was being entirely serious...
OP, just imagine if you'd spent as much effort job hunting as you have on this thread...!

middleschoolmuddle Fri 13-Feb-15 10:08:40

I wanted to share another ancedote, one that makes me happy and makes me feel that it's all worth it (not the yacht boy bit obvs).

DD got back home at midnight last night after a trip to the theatre to see "The Woman in Black" and she was brimming over with excitement at how much she had enjoyed it. It is really lovely to see her like this. Sure we can take her to the theatre (and we do) but it's a lot more fun going with a big group of your peers. A lot of what she enjoyed was hearing the 'cool' boys getting so into the story that they were adding their own stage directions.

Now, 'yacht boy' featured again and this time they were sharing details of their father's salaries, I kid you not: Him, '35 mill', Her, '55K', Him, 'cool'.

I asked her if she thought he was bragging and she said 'no Mummy, what's to brag about, it's just his life.'

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 10:09:24


Hakluyt Fri 13-Feb-15 10:12:41

Oh yes! I forgot that state schools are forbidden by law to take kids on trips to the theatre- how foolish of me!

You win, OP.

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 10:14:59

1) midnight return on a school night is v irresponsible
2) I thought he earned £43k or have I gotten confused
3) you expect us to believe that at her age she still calls you 'mummy'?


Toomanyexams Fri 13-Feb-15 10:16:08

Good points choco.

When situations change and families are under pressure, I think children can be incredibly flexible and resourceful. They can psychologically accept differences in treatment between siblings, when they understand those differences are being driven by differing circumstances. I think it only becomes a problem, if they perceive that the differences are actually being driven by favouritism or different measures of parental love and regard.

All that said, you don't want to chop and change them unnecessarily. Being a flibertyjibit is not a reasonable excuse for a grownup. (I went to 13 different schools by the time I was 18. Some driven by my father's work, some driven by divorce, and a good portion because my mum was insecure and couldn't make her mind up about which school was best. I am not sure if marginal improvements in academic quality were offset by the negative effects of all the churning.)

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 10:18:24

Whoops sorry £60k
Which is still different from £55k

NoGinThanks Fri 13-Feb-15 10:19:08

now I just think you're trolling us OP.




or both, it's Friday. Your thread was really helpful to me because of some excellent and thoughtful posters. Thanks for that.

jeee Fri 13-Feb-15 10:20:44

Have to say, my Year 9 dd doesn't have a clue what our family income is. I thought that was normal?

TheWordFactory Fri 13-Feb-15 10:20:53

Apot schools often take their cohort to the evening shows at the theatre; not remotely irresponsible. It's not every week!

My DC still call me Mummy sometimes, and they're 15. I still call mine Mummy and I'm 46!

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 10:22:23


That may well be the case

However, the OP is talking piffle.

TheWordFactory Fri 13-Feb-15 10:23:44

jeee apparently posters don't tell their DC what they earn or about their family finances.

I must say we do.

My DC know how much we earn, and from where (we have a number of sources of income). We show them tax returns etc.
We also tell them how much other people earn (in theory, based on their employment). And about outgoings, property value, mortgage, loans, rates of interest, investments...

I want my DC to be fully fininacially literate before I release them into the wild.

middleschoolmuddle Fri 13-Feb-15 10:24:37


1) It's half term today for DD, she's still in bed.

2) Her dad earned £55 up until Christmas.

3) The 'mummy' thing is cultural I guess. Like you Word, my mum was always 'mummy'.

middleschoolmuddle Fri 13-Feb-15 10:25:20


jeee Fri 13-Feb-15 10:28:18

TheWordFactory, my children are aware that we don't have an unlimited supply of money - dd1, in particular, tends to worry about what we can afford (as we have told her, if we say we can afford a big holiday/nice meal/school trip, then we can).

But we don't discuss salaries, or mortgages - (a) because it's a pretty boring topic, and (b) if the children accept not everything is affordable, the precise details aren't particularly relevant.

APotNoodleandaTommy Fri 13-Feb-15 10:28:49

School theatre trips during half term?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Fri 13-Feb-15 10:30:13

why do I keep being dragged back to this thread

I went to a private school. I had no idea what my father earned bar knowing that we were obviously well off, as were most of the others at the school. Talking or surmising about parental salaries would have been deemed completely bad form and gauche by teachers and parents would have been horrified. Any pupils caught doing that would have been firmly squashed.

We live in a nice area and have good state schools near us and then a grammar system. However, if the DC don't get into a decent state school, DH and I will consider private. However, because we live in s nice area, private schools abound. DH and I are in complete agreement that the DC are not going to a school that is populated by bragging rich kids who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing

Separately, why is your DD so caught up in what yacht boy thinks of her? Who cares what he thinks about her father's salary? I would hope that, in future, if anyone asks our DCs what their father earns, they politely tell the asker to mind their own business and then remove themselves from any conversation that allows the asker to boast about what their parents earn to limit their opportunities to embarass themselves further with their total crassness.

Plus, DH went to a state school and appears not to be an uneducated lout - I believe he went on theatre trips along with other proles. Plus he somehow managed to get into university to do a highly competitive professional degree which is very remunerative. Obviously the exception that proves the rule though hmm

jeee Fri 13-Feb-15 10:33:50

My bog standard comprehensive wouldn't take us to the theatre unless the play was performed by the RSC. But then we had standards and were very close to Stratford-upon-Avon.

TheWordFactory Fri 13-Feb-15 10:34:42

I must admit though, that my DC have been told not to divulge our family finances...

We share it with them as they're family, but it's not for general discussion outside Casa Wordfactory.

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